Well.....so much for my "mini me". Emily has quickly turned into a child from hell. A cute, still lovable child, but still a descendant from Satan himself. I'm hoping this is just a little minor terrible 2's come early type of thing but who knows..She's actually really really smart and for such a young age she knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it and if you don't abide then you'll get an earful. It's kinda like living with my Mom all over again except Emily is way tinnier and I can't quite understand 90% of what she's saying.
Apparently, my mother in law tells me that she is just like her Daddy! Oh yay.....let me fill you in on James a little as a child. He was SO energetic and pushy and demanding. He was a handful to say the least. I'm sure a cute lovable handful, but still a handful. He would refuse to wear the clothes his parents bought him and by 14 starting working to support his habit because they couldn't handle his picky clothing needs any longer. Emily tends to yell what she wants instead of speaking in a normal tone. She likes to yell that everything is hers. If she sees you with something she wants, prepare to have it ripped from your hands. She digs through the garbage, gets a hold of her wipes and streams them all over the house and is constantly digging through drawers. There is no way to baby proof a house enough from this child, except maybe to add white padded walls and a straight jacket. Her new thing is to throw all her food from her high chair to the floor which is fun.
Public is probably the scariest place for me right now with a toddler. She completely skipped the walking stage and went straight to running. Not little kid, oh I can catch up to her running, but sprinting like it's a marathon. The second you put her down in public, she's off like a race horse and good luck catching her. Not to mention the kicking and screaming and squirming that comes when you do manage to rein her in. And she's not a fan of being strapped in to seats or stuck on laps. She wants to explore the world on her own and we're just holding her back at this point. And forget discipline. She must be made of iron. I try the hand slap and she just laughs at me. Stern voice or disappointing looks, she just laughs. Time outs? She throws everything out of her crib. I have a feeling I'm in for SOME ride the next 18 years....
Daycare is becoming more and more interesting as she's getting older too. She doesn't limit her food throwing tendencies to just our house but likes to throw things at her daycare's walls and see if it sticks. My good friend Cheryl has her daughter in the same daycare (she's a few months younger) and when I come to pick Emily up, both the girls will be at the front door waiting to find out whose mom is arriving. Instead of just being excited that it's me, she will immediately turn to Ava (my friends daughter) and push her down!!! PUSH HER DOWN!!! Who does that??? And it's not like Ava is in her way or yelling for me, she'll just turn around and push her. So rude.....
BUT....aside from her shenanigans, she really is such a great kid. Like I said earlier, she's super smart. She just heard one of her toys say "I'm happy" and now she walks around saying "I'm happy" clear as day. It's very cute (and reassuring) to hear. She tries to say "I love you" but it's harder to decipher. She can tell you when she poops. Becca just brought over a pair of Joli's old toy princess heels and Emily loves to wear them around the house. You'll hear a little click click as she jets down the hallway with her new shoes on. She loves to lift up my shirt in public. Apparently she wants everyone to see the damage she did to my body but it's very embarrassing. If she takes my phone and hides it, all I have to do is ask for it back and she'll go bring it to me. If you tell her to throw something away, she will (for the most part).
She's still madly in love with her sister and brother. She loves to yell their names over and over until they acknowledge her. She likes to sit in their laps while they play with their ipods. OOOH!!! And she's finally into cartoons. Her favorite (and mine thank goodness) is Spongebob so we watch a lot of that. She loves Elmo too and asks for him a lot but Sesame Street is so boring and they only show Elmo for like 2 minutes an episode. I can sit and watch Spongebob with her all day! Unfortunately she's a little more into her Dad's music genre than mine. I guess it's harder for a 17 month old to dance to emo music rather than hip hop, but I'm hoping one day she'll have good taste in music.
Most days are difficult for me. Especially lately. I feel SO pulled apart from working full time and the home life that I cry often these days. I'm working on coming up with some solutions to my stress but in the meantime I'm starting to re-think pushing all my friends to have kids of their own. It's not even the amount of work that goes into it for me but the worry. The constant, nagging worry of being a parent. How am I fucking up my children?? Am I not listening enough to them or do I listen too much. Should I be more or less affectionate. Am I teaching them anything? Am I scarring them for life? The list goes on and on. It's exhausting to feel like you have these extra detached limbs that you're constantly worried are going to fall off. For some reason Dads don't feel this, or at least not quite as much as Moms because James doesn't seem to be bothered or worried about his parenting. Even when I'm away from Emily, all I do is think about her and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I guess I'll find out when she's in her 20's and either still lives at home or wants nothing to do with me.
In the meantime I'm trying to remember to "enjoy every moment" but it's hard when you are so tired you actually consider committing a crime for a break. Jail seems like a vacation compared to the daily routine. But I kiss Emily every morning and every night like it's the first and last time because I don't want to forget a moment of her. Just her.
Love,
Diana :)
