I wanted to write this post on her actual 2nd birthday but go figure, I was too busy!
Emily is officially a toddler and not my little baby anymore :( Part of me is so sad to see her grow up because I want her to stay my little love bug forever but the other part of me is excited to see what kind of girl she'll grow up to be. So far she's a firecracker! So so much energy. Even on the night of her birthday we all just stared at her running from one toy to the next and never slowing down even as her bedtime came and went.
She is definitely spoiled!! My mom is in town and my Dad and Ingrid and her kids came over. Of course Nana and Papa and Aunt Tanya came over too and we watched her open or really watched her watch us open her gifts for her. She loves when the whole family is there and would spend the next two days saying everyone's name over and over. She got so many great gifts. A minnie mouse cheerleader that sings "Oh Mickey" and a mickey mouse that sings the hot dog song from her show she loves. She got a fred flinstone type car in pink and loves to ride around the house in it for hours. She got books, clothes and a keyboard and building blocks. The list goes on and on. It's so much fun to watch her get into something that interests her but it's also exhausting to watch her go. She is the never ending energy bunny.
The best part of her birthday was when all 15 of us huddled around singing Happy Birthday and she kept yelling at us to "STOP" and crossed her arms and pouted. Then when we cut her a piece of cake she pushed it away and said "I don't want any cake". If she's my daughter, she will never refuse cake in the future, but I'll let it slide this time. We filled her room with balloons the night before and I think that was her favorite part. All she wanted to do was play with the balloons and I felt so guilty when I had to pull her away to take her to daycare. That's probably the worse part of being a working parent is when your child is old enough to tell you they want to stay home and play and you can't allow that because you're in a hurry to get out the door and get to work. I cry most mornings on my way to the office because I hate leaving her. But then there's days when she's on a rampage and I can't wait to get back to work for a break from "the terrorist".
Some people have been giving me a hard time about potty training coming up but I'm in no hurry for her to take that big step. I remember when Jamesy was still in diapers and it was such a nice quiet time for the both of us when I would change him. I would stare into his eyes and we would smile at each other and I would tell him how much I love him. Once he was potty trained I felt like I lost him as my little man and I'm in no hurry for Emily to take that big step into kid-hood and leave her needy mommy behind. I know I know it's not about me, blah blah blah but I'm not going to push her at all to use the potty, she can let me know when she's ready.
As far as motherhood is concerned, I feel like I'm getting a lot better. I have my ups and downs but with my Mom in town helping with the household chores and the kids it makes life so much more bearable. Work has been crazy busy which makes everything at home that much more stressful but with the holidays approaching I'm feeling relaxed and inviting the chaos instead of trying to run from it.
I'm mostly anxious and excited for my little sister. She's going to give birth any day to her first child, a little boy named Connor Thomas. I can't wait to meet him and hold him and change him. I can't wait to see my sister as a mother and to see how well she'll embrace motherhood. The hardest part will be when I leave to go see her and Connor after the new year for 5 days. I will not be taking Emily and it will be the first time I'll be apart from her for such an extended amount of time. I'm really nervous about it and hope I can handle it okay but I'm trying to stay positive and excited about my little nephew. My sister is all the family I have besides my parents and I will always look to her as my little girl which is why this baby is so important to me. She doesn't have the kind of support system I have here and I need to make sure I can be there for her any way possible. Raising children is the hardest thing you can do and when you don't get a break or have emotional support it can feel isolating and depressing. I plan on making her read all my blog entries as Connor hits the month milestones for some sympathy on her situation.
I wish I had more to say but it's been a hectic exhausting but also exciting month for me. I'm looking forward to Christmas morning when Emily sees the Minnie Mouse kitchen Santa got for her and her stocking full. I'm excited to have my Mom here to celebrate with us and all my DeLucia family that keeps me happy and sane. I'm excited to ring in the new year and beyond excited for what 2014 will bring to me and my family and friends. 2013 was extremely rough for me emotionally and I'm looking forward to having more and more breakthroughs where I can just relax, be me and most importantly be okay with that :)
Love,
Diana
