Week 9....Am I done yet??

So here it is, only week 9. I already feel like I've been pregnant for ever! I can almost live with the nausea and mood swings (although no one around me can) but all of a sudden I'm suffering from horrible allergies. Never had allergies growing up and just last year I got them a little bit but this is my 2nd time having HORRIBLE allergies in the past month. I've been cheating and taking Sudafed, but it doesn't help much. I hope I'm not doping up my baby too bad with all the Tylenol and Sudafed but a happy mother = a happy baby! I've also been suffering from really bad headaches. These could be caused from the allergies but I'm not sure. I get to see my OB tomorrow and I hope he will tell me I can take some stronger medicine to help all of this go away. Or maybe he just put me on a morphine IV.....

Yesterday was a big day for me! I woke up unable to open my eyes from the pounding in my head so I slept in til about 11am. When I got up, I immediately felt nauseous but figured it was from skipping breakfast so I made some toast and sipped on some 7 UP that was in the fridge. I noticed that every time I would blow my nose or cough I would kind of start to "heave" a little but tried not to make anything of it...Until I got sick! I puked for the first time (and hopefully the last!!) in ages. I never let myself get sick, anyone who knows me knows how terrified I am of puke. One time when James' family and I went to Disneyland, Jamesy got sick and puked in the hotel room. I, being the loving step-mother I am, proceeded to close my eyes and plug my ears. I told Joli to go next door and tell Nana and Papa to help him out. Then I proceeded to feel sick to my stomach the entire day thinking I was next! The other night James went to bed at a ridiculously early hour and before he fell asleep he mentioned he didn't feel good and thought he might get sick, then he passed out. Well, being the lunatic I am, I immediately started thinking about everything that we ate that was the same and worrying all night that I was going to get sick too. He didn't get sick, of course, and I spent the entire night wide awake waiting to see if I was going to feel sick, which I didn't. This is just to show you all how sick and twisted my head is. And just so you all know, yes I'm in therapy and it's on my list of things to work on :)

I did have some eye opening moments yesterday while I was home sick, crying (of course!). I decided to watch some baby shows. Mostly Pregnant in Heels and My Baby Story (or something like that). What I found out is, I'm not alone in being absolutely terrified of everything that's happening. I keep hearing "oh you'll be fine", "it's not that bad", "you'll forget about all of it once the baby is here" which is very easy to say, but very hard to live by. Some of these women just cried and cried about how scared they are to give birth or breast feed (I cried along with them!). And even though the things these women tried to do to get over it didn't make me feel any better about my fears, it at least validated them for me. I now know I'm not alone in the feelings I'm having. I don't feel so guilty about how I've been feeling because other women have and do feel the same way and their babies end up fine. So as long as I'm not hurting my unborn child by being such a negative nancy, I feel so much better!! And hopefully that will make the negative feelings disappear faster :) James thought he would be Mr. Funny Guy last night and told me (as a joke) that I'm ruining his life and I immediately broke down in tears. I confirmed that I'm ruining his life and mine and I was so sorry and as I sat there in the dark crying hysterically and leaking snot everywhere he couldn't help but laugh and laugh. After a few minutes I started to laugh too. It is pretty funny how emotional I am and how quick I can switch from happy to hysterical. Well, funny OR psychotic, I haven't confirmed which yet.

Nothing else too exciting has been happening in the land of pregnancy. My belly seems to be getting harder and a little bigger. I still have a lot of cramping but I read that it's my uterus growing and is perfectly normal. I'm ready to move into a sports bra from all the pain I've been having in the chest area. It's getting to the point where hugs hurt, BAD! And I have my first ultrasound tomorrow afternoon so I'm sure I'll be blogging Friday with the results. I'm really really hoping I get to hear the baby's heart beat.

HOW FAR ALONG: 9 weeks (baby is the size of a green olive)

SLEEP:  I've been able to move my bed time from 8pm to 9pm the last few nights but am still tired a lot of the time.

FOOD CRAVINGS: still wanting grapefruit, but haven't had much. And soup!

WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: growing a belly and walking like a penguin :)

WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: being in labor! I can mostly thank Doug (James' uncle) for giving me a new found fear of getting the baby from point A to point B

BABY NAMES:  I'm going to put these to rest until I find out which sex I'm having. I could go on baby name websites for hours and hours but I'd rather wait til I know :)

Love, Diana :)