My 16 month old little love bug!

My little baby girl....she is the best!!! She's learning more words every day and she's practically speaking sentences at this point. It's just I don't understand a lot of it. hahaha Her new thing is "I'm hungry" and "Hi ya" and "hey baby" It's SO cute to hear her say these words. She keeps calling her brother Sissy because it's easier for her or she's saying Jamesy and I'm not giving her credit for knowing her shit. She loves her Uncle and will call him all the time. She says Auntie and it's too cute!!

We went to Disneyland last week for her first time ever!!! It was by far one of the best vacations I've ever had. We took the 3 kids, their mom and my inlaws. We had such a great time and Emily could pretty much ride all the rides even though she's soo teeny tiny. Here's some pics of her as Snow White and after an exhausting 3 days trekking around the park.

UGH!!! Computers suck!! hahaha I can not figure out how to work this stupid thing. But anyways, that's my sweet pea.

She LOVED It's a Small World. She didn't like the different characters. When I tried to take pictures with her and Goofy, she just yelled "NO" (that's her sign for people to go away). The other rides she just mostly held on to the closest adult terrified. But she didn't cry or try to climb out of the rides so I was happy with that :)

She did fall asleep twice. Once during Pirates of the Caribbean and then once during Captain EO. Those aren't the rides I'd choose to sleep through, but to each their own....

Every morning she'd wake up and say "Nana" til someone got her out of bed. She was such a sweet little princess and I'm so thankful she made the trip amazing instead of dreadful. haha

The big kids had a blast!!! Joli got to get her hair and makeup done like a princess and all the staff called her Princess for the rest of the day. Jamesy got to build his own double light saber. That must of been his highlight because it was the coolest thing I've ever seen. Joli was a really good sport about riding the scary rides. I think the scariest was a moving Ferris Wheel. I was scared too though so I can't blame her :)

The ride was quick down to So Cal and the ride home was long and painful. By the end Emily was cranky and ready to get back home. She loves her new Minnie Mouse stuffy that her Cousin Joe got her.

Otherwise, everything is as it's been. Oh, it's super cute to see her with her new little cousin Arianna. She is such a doll and I'm in love with being a new Auntie. Emily is very careful around the baby and always says "Uh oh" if Arianna starts crying. She even took her new doll, which is a baby, and carries it around like we carry Arianna. It's so cute to see her motherly instincts kick in. Here's a pic of her and her Aunt Tanya and baby cousin Arianna from last night.

She is just the light of my life. I love all 3 of my kids so much and am so proud of them. I can't wait to see what's to come with my baby girl and my other little love muffins. Hopefully only good things!!! Or at least, hoping the good things outweigh the bad :)

Love,
Diana :)

Almost 15 months!!

Emily is so amazing. I know every parent probably thinks this at one time or another, but my kid is a frickin' genius!! GENIUS!

Last weekend she pooped her diaper and we asked her to go get her diapers and wipes and sure enough, the kid gets up walks to her room and brings back a diaper!! Granted, I had to go give her the wipes but halfway through her walk back to the family room, she actually stopped, put down the diaper and wipes and carried them a different way as to free up one hand. She'll repeat any word we tell her to (not four letter ones!! I know you all know how we work). Her favorite word right now is owie. Even when she's not hurt, she just says owie. She LOVES to call out "Mommy" while we're driving and as soon as I say "what" or "yes", she just says "hi" and repeats this over and over until we get to our destination. She's learning more and more how things work and learning to puts toys inside bigger toys and vice versa. Watching her figure things out is amazing.

She's still the happiest kid on the planet. She just recovered from a very bad ear infection, cold and pink eye and you wouldn't know it if she didn't look like shit. She never cried and still slept through the night (for the most part). We even had to put eye drops in her 4 times a day for a week plus oral antibiotics twice a day and she always took it like a champ. Except for her last dose....Daddy had to chase her around the house til he could catch her and pin her down. She loves to say NO! And she means it!!

If anyone needs help in raising this beautiful girl, it's me. She's doing everything right and I'm realizing that I'm doing things wrong. Hopefully not terribly, permanent damage wrong, but still wrong. She's always at my feet to pick her up and I always oblige. I read this week that I need to set expectations with her at this age and not give in to her every want. And when she does something wrong and I give her a stern "No" or smack on the hand and she cries, I immediately pick her up to console her. I need to let her have a tantrum and figure it out on her own once in a while. It's going to be very difficult for me. Before Emily got here (refer to pregnancy posts and word of mouth) I swore that kid wouldn't get the best of me, but here I am, almost a year and a half in and she can walk all over me. It's so hard though, she's so damn cute I just can't say no! But that's how evil spoiled children are born so I better watch it.....

Aside from my wonderful life with Emily, the kids and James, I'm feeling like maybe I'm starting to accept other peoples different roles in my life. I have to admit that I'm super disappointed in my mother's role in mine and Emily's lives. It's upsetting to have her live so far away, by choice mind you, and not be here to support me or her first grandchild when we need her. It kinda feels like being abandoned all over again. It's frustrating to feel that way and a waste of time. It's really my fault for expecting something different even though I know how she is. But I think every child expects their parents to finally do the right thing, even when they don't, over and over again. I wish my Dad was more involved in my daughter's life and mine by helping out. I only have James' family when it comes to anything, really, and I understand how truly lucky I am to have them and how lucky Emily is to have them in her life as well, but it's hard when my parents are so close yet so uninvolved.....

But I digress. Emily is a genius and I'm sticking to it. Every day she amazes me with the new things she says and learns to do. She'll throw away food that falls on the floor without asking. She'll bring you her shoes and she can even throw a basketball!! My little love is the best!

Love,
Diana :)

Promises, Promises

My Dearest Sweet Love Emily Ann,

I love you with all of my heart and I always will. I promise you I will be there for you for as long as I live. I promise to be understanding, patient and loving to you. Even though there will plenty of times that I'm the exact opposite! I promise to be overprotective and over bearing because that's what Mothers do. I promise to be nosey when you're a teenager. I promise to freak out if you dye your hair pink, even though I did it too as a teenager. I promise to be proud of you always, even when I don't agree with your decisions. I promise that lying to you about Santa Claus will be the only big lie I will tell you. I may make up some other crap along the way, but nothing as serious as lying about where all your gifts come from on Xmas.

I promise to screw up, probably a lot. Just like you, I'm only human and the one thing you can count on with humans, is that they all make mistakes. I promise to remember that you're only human too when you make mistakes. I promise to get angry for stupid shit but I also promise to calm down and apologize when I'm at fault. I promise to try and raise you to the best of my ability. I promise to teach you to do your own laundry and clean your own room because when you're an adult you will thank me for instilling independence. I promise to help you with your homework until it's too difficult for me to figure out. Then, I'll promise to make Daddy help you with it :)

I promise that when you're older and meet someone and fall in love, to be supportive of your relationships regardless if you choose someone unemployed and covered in tattoos. As much as those relationships will worry me and upset me, the thought of you not having support will hurt way worse. And I promise to be there silently while you mourn the loss of those relationships.

When you have children of your own, I promise to be there for you when you're pregnant and scared (or excited!). I promise to be there to help you with your children. I promise to stay close to you so that if you need me in the middle of the night I can rush right over. I promise to love and care for your children as I did with you (or better!).

Always remember your older siblings will be your best bet into guiding you through childhood with two crazy parents. Joli will teach you how to do your own makeup when you're way too young to learn. Jamesy will teach you the best lies to tell when you're in trouble. But they will help you when you need it. They will take you and your friends places you shouldn't be going and help you sneak in and out of the house. They will also teach you how to fold towels and take out the trash.

Above all, I promise there will be times when you "hate" me but I will buck up and keep positive because I know there will be a time when you're sorry you said those words and will love me again. There will be screaming fits and tantrums and doors slammed in my face but you will always ALWAYS be my little girl and I will always forgive you and love you no matter what happens. And I hope that you will always forgive me and love me regardless of the mistakes that I will make along the way.

Most of all.....I promise NOT to say "I told you so".....to your face. 

Love ALWAYS, your Mommy :)

13 going on 30 (months that is)

I can't believe I haven't blogged since November!! Just shows how crazy life has become and keeps getting! I'm so frustrated because I absolutely LOVE 13 months on Emily. She is SO much fun and wonderful and chatty and happy and sweet and loving and I just want to spend every waking second taking all of it in. I want to freeze this time so I can take advantage of it for as long as possible. But everything else in life keeps getting in the way. hahaha Every time I turn around, it's someone's birthday or Xmas or work, etc. preventing me from being all consumed with Emily. I could easily cut everything else out of my life and just focus on her. It's definitely not healthy and of course I wouldn't allow it to happen, but I could do it. And be very happy :)

So, let's delve into Emily's first birthday since I missed blogging about it sooner. We had a little get together at our house (with a mere 35 people!!) and had lots of food and beer and presents!! Emily was not sure why all these gifts were sitting around and everyone was watching her, but she loved seeing her brother, sister and Auntie Andrea help her open gifts and learn to play with them. Her favorite gift was by far a rocking pony my Dad and Ingrid got her that's furry, pink and it talks and sings. We all find it creepy but she's obsessed with it!! She loves to bounce up and down while the pony sings and will keep pressing her ear over and over til we memorize, eat sleep and dream the rock 'n rider pony song......

She got a few fake cell phones which she enjoys too since we're always on our phones or tablets at the house. There's also a little dog stuffed animal that talks and sings if you push his paws. Apparently it's very popular right now because she got 4 of them!! She got a lot of walkers and clothes. She was a doll all day for her "fans" And she even wore the birthday hat I got her and to this day comes over and asks me to put it on. I think it reminds her of the day when everything was about her. hahaha The cake eating didn't go over too well. She was not into making a mess and couldn't understand why everyone was sticking their fingers in her cake trying to get her to eat it.

She did enjoy her guests singing Happy Birthday :)

I can't even begin to explain the love I have for this child. Even when she's a pain in the ass I still just want to be near her. She's just getting over a really bad cold and ear infection and a few nights she wasn't sleeping well, if at all. I hated to be sleeping away from her those nights and would sometimes just sit in her dark room while she slept not wanting to leave her side in case she needed me for even a second.

We tried taking her to the snow for the first time last weekend. She is a complete NIGHTMARE in the car. You can't take her on a 5 minute drive down the road without her screaming and crying the entire time. Imagine 3 hours with 2 other kids in the car and then Emily crying the whole ride. She doesn't take a break, she doesn't sleep, she just yells and yells. James and Joli had more fun in the snow than her (to be expected) and I've decided once again that I will not travel with her until she's older and can verbalize her issues with being in a car. It would be nice if she could verbalize anything at this point. The hardest part about this age is her just wanting me to hold her all day. I don't mind it too much because I know it will pass and one day she'll want nothing to do with me, but I wish I could at least do the dishes or a load of laundry without her holding her arms up for me to pick her up and crying. It seems as long as I'm sitting down doing nothing she's okay, but God forbid I have to do something and she's all up in my shit. Again, I try not to get too irritated since I know this will pass but it's frustrating when I see James and the other kids enjoying their quiet time while I'm trying to fight off Ms. Needy-Pants.

She's fully walking at this point, won't crawl at all. She knows how to get off the couch and bed but still too short to climb up them. She'll climb up stairs but can't get down. You know, the typical baby walking stuff. She loves to eat and you'd think she would be 50 pounds by now with the appetite she's got. She loves vegetables for the most part and fruit. She likes steak and chicken and rice. She loves potatoes and I even fed her some salad the other night that she liked. She loves when you let her drink out of a big kid cup. She's very ticklish and I love to try and make her laugh. So does her big brother!! He's always tackling her (gently of course) and blowing on her belly to make funny noises. She loves to be around him and Joli and is usually a lot more content when they're home.

Time is going by too quickly. With Emily and the other kids. Joli is turning 9 tomorrow!!! My little girl who once wanted to be Ariel from Disney is now wanting to do big kid stuff like ride horses and play with her American Girl dolls and on her DS. Saturday she gets her first official birthday party where she gets to invite her girlfriends from school. We're taking her to a ranch in Livermore to go horseback riding with a few of her friends. She's going to have so much fun and I'm very happy she'll have her Mom back to celebrate her birthday with. She's so helpful around the house and with Emily. She does well in school and has lots of friends. She's just a great kid all the way around and I'm so so proud of her and am in love with the little girl she's growing up to be. I just don't want puberty to come. I remember those days and I'm not looking forward to her wearing bras and makeup and talking on the phone about boys. UGH! Where is a time machine when you need one!!!

UMMMMM HELLO!!!!! You can tell what a cluster fuck my life is because I forgot the biggest news of all!!!! James proposed to me on Xmas eve!!!! It was so so beautiful and sweet and I couldn't be happier. We drove to look at Xmas lights in an area of San Ramon that we check out every year at least once. We decided that after dinner we would go look at lights. So James drives (he said it was so I could enjoy the lights this time) and we start to go our usual route. We stop at this one street that has their lights blink to the Xmas music played over a local radio station and then move to the next court which doesn't look quite as lit up so at first I thought it was odd but James is his own man so I figured he knew where he wanted to go. We get up to the top and I see Xmas lights shining and as we make the turn to the left to circle the court, there it is! A huge lit up board that reads "DIANA WILL YOU MARRY ME?" I freaked out!!! I started crying and yelling "oh my god" over and over. I could barely see the beautiful ring through my tears. The poor kids were in the back seat and couldn't see what was going on so they just kept asking "WHAT?" "WHAT?" over and over. James came around to my side of the car, opened the door and asked me to marry him. I was so caught off guard I forgot to say yes until we drove home!!! His wonderful brother and Mom had driven the sign up and hooked it up before we got there. They waited around in the dark to see the surprise. It was so fantastic and everything I could have ever dreamed of in a proposal. It turns out James and his cousin Mikey spent a few days prior buying the material, putting the sign together and asking the house on that court if they could use an extension cord and their power to light up the sign. Afterwards James' Mom and brother brought the sign to our house and set it up on our front lawn where it stayed, lit up, for a week :) The ring is at a jewelers getting re-sized for a few weeks and I already feel naked without it. I can't wait to start wedding planning (which I've already done)!!!

I hate that I can't figure out how to flip my pictures right side up.....It's amazing I can get myself dressed every morning.

Anywho, a whole lot has been going on lately and I couldn't be happier. Less stressed, but not happier :)

Love,
Diana :)

All rainbows and unicorns!

I feel like yesterday I found out I was pregnant and here it is, Emily is almost a year old. This time last year I was getting ready for my last day at work before maternity leave and finishing up stuff for Emily's room and now I'm planning her 1st birthday party. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life. If I take the time to think about everything going on I panic. I have to keep my mind on one day at a time thinking or I'd probably explode from the overwhelm.

I feel like before I had Emily, I used to think a lot about the what ifs. What if me and James never got back together, what if I stayed in the mortgage industry or stayed in Orange County when I was in my mid 20's. But now I never think about that. I immediately panic that any other scenario would mean that Emily would not be here and that's just not fathomable. I can't imagine having my daughter with anyone else but James and I couldn't imagine a world where I didn't have Joli or Jamesy either. Emily has made me love life so much more than I ever did before. I try to explain it to my friends who don't have kids (yet) but it's so hard to put in words what having a child does for you and your life, in a good way! I feel so much less insecure. It's like now I know I have a purpose and what that purpose is. It's to be Emily's mom and nothing else on this planet matters more than that. As long as her and I are together we could live in a cardboard box or a mansion and I wouldn't notice or care either way. It's almost like having bad eye sight for your whole life where colors are just blurred together and you can't really tell the difference between black and purple and all of a sudden you have a baby and the colors are so much clearer. You can see every shade of black and purple. It's like a light bulb that gets brighter as soon as you have that baby. The whole world makes sense.

By the way, I've been writing this post for 3 days now. I keep getting interrupted at work and side tracked and if I'm lucky this post will be published before Emily's first birthday!

There's so much going on but I don't even know where to start so I'll just document what the little munch has been up to. She's almost walking. I mean, she can walk, she just won't do it very often. We've seen her take up to 7 steps at one time but can never get her to duplicate it so there's still no photographic evidence that she can walk. She loves to wave and say "bye" all the time, even if people aren't going anywhere. She's saying Momma a lot lately which I love!! And she's been a lot more affectionate with the family. She does get shy sometimes and will hide her head in my shoulder which I think is just adorable!! She'll give open mouth kisses. She puts her arms up way high in the air over her head when she wants to be picked up, which is often! haha She's still so happy all of the time. She sleeps through the night still which is amazing and so much appreciated. She really is an easy easy baby. The only gripe I would have is that she eats non stop. Like literally will continue to stuff her face if you keep putting food in front of it. Right now I don't even think she chews her food. She just stuffs it in and swallows and waits for the next bite! So far she hasn't choked but I'm guessing it's bound to happen if she doesn't slow her roll. She eats more than anyone in the house does and she only weighs 20 lbs!!

I still miss her while I'm working. I love my job and I'm glad I'm not a stay at home mom but some days are harder than others to leave her with her sitter. Like today for instance, I would give anything to be at home playing with her on the floor by ourselves all day. We don't get to do that often, if at all and I'm scared I'm going to regret not being with her more when she's older. Part of me is so excited and anxious to see what kind of little girl she'll grow into and the other part of me just wants her to stay a baby forever. I love babies! I love changing diapers and making bottles. I love being needed and caring for someone whose so cute and tiny. I see why people have multiple children, especially when the baby grows into a toddler. I'm not such a fan of older kids. hahaha

Life is still pretty overwhelming. If I take the time to stop and think about everything going on, I'll make myself crazy. I just keep trying to go day to day and minute to minute to keep the stress and anxiety at bay. But I can't complain. I love my kids, I love James and my family and friends. We have a great support system. We're all happy and healthy and that's all that matters.

-  Diana

9 Months Old!

My little love muffin is 9 months old today. The time has flown by so fast and I'm glad I've been enjoying every second of it (so far). I wouldn't be surprised if she started walking tonight when I get home just because she seems to know every week and month to do something new and exciting to devastate her mom and dad into realizing she's no longer our little newborn :(

I'm so madly in love with Emily. I miss her every day now that I'm working full time. It's nice to do something other than just be around kids all day but I do miss getting stuff done around the house, the lack of stress I felt and the extra sleep I could sneak in :)

I just don't understand how other families do this day in and day out with no end in the near future. If I think about the fact that I still have 18 years before Emily will move out and me and James will finally be alone I think, shit, I won't want to be alone then. What am I going to do at almost 50!? Hopefully James and I will still be up for some fun when they're adults.

My biggest fear of having a baby and being pregnant was not knowing what to expect. Day to day I had no idea what was happening to my body and every day I worry about what will happen to Emily but so far I've gone 9 months with nothing major happening and I feel like once I hit the 1 year mark, I'll be able to breath a little. I remember being around Jamesy when he was a little over a year old and nothing happened that I couldn't handle from that point until now so I'm hoping I'll be as lucky with Emily as I've been with him. Kids stress me out!! I'm paranoid she's going to puke, choke, cry, hurt herself or worse 24/7. I feel like I need to be sedated just to get by each day with out having a panic attack worrying about all the "what ifs". I was really hoping that would have subsided after the pregnancy but now I just worry about other things.

So far James and I are on schedule to have little Ms. Em walking by 10 months. She's so close to being ready. She'll completely stand on her own, one hand supporting her. She'll go to a sitting position from standing and vice versa very easily and quickly now. She just learned to shake her head "no". It's so stinking cute!!! She doesn't know she's saying no obviously but she just shakes her head side to side. The kids and I just laugh and laugh at all the funny cute things she does.

Speaking of the kids, they are so wonderful. I'm so so lucky to have them here enjoying having a baby sister and having Emily enjoy them. She just wants to be wherever her sister is. She crawls to Joli's room ALL the time and wants to watch them play together or watch TV or play video games. She loves to hear them read and gets so giddy the minute she sees her sister or brother. She just adores them and they seem to adore her too. I feel so lucky to have them because they are a huge help when I need to switch over laundry or take a shower. Any time they'll watch Emily for me while I do other things around the house. They help pick out her clothes, help me bath her and get diapers, wipes, food, etc. whenever we ask them to. Jamesy said he's going to teach Emily how to swim, play kickball, brush her teeth without swallowing toothpaste and how to do math. He's so adorable!! And he promised his Dad that he would keep boys away from her when she gets older :)

Of course with all the love and excitement I have over being with Emily, there's the typical downside of being a mother. I constantly feel "left out" to a certain extent of just life in general. I miss being able to run to the store or get a pedicure or do anything quite frankly without having to plan three peoples schedules just to make it happen. As much as I like getting out of the house with the kids, I hate it because it's always harder to take care of a baby somewhere away from home. If she's tired, where will she sleep? If she needs to eat, where will I stop to feed her? Is there a bathroom close by in case she poops or the kids have to go? Does it have a baby changing table!!?? Will the massive stroller fit? It just goes on and on. I miss my time alone sometimes. I miss being able to come home to a quiet, empty house and just doing whatever I want to do. I know that's part of being a mom but it doesn't make it any easier. I see now why they say stay at home moms are some of the most depressed lonely people. I quickly miss adult interaction when I've been with the kids by myself for too long. I get irritated with constantly having people who need me all the time. I don't get "Hey Diana, what can I do for you today?" I get "Diana, I need...." "Diyaya, what's for dinner???" "why is there no clean laundry" "why are the dishes dirty" "Where are my parts" "Did you sell this job, make an appt.?" "Did you do this, do that, etc" It just goes on and on. I'm tempted to start saving for one of those celebrity rehab centers where they go when they're suffering from "exhaustion". I'm at such a low point feeling so worn down, that I don't even think a few hours or day away would revive me enough to keep going. I need a week off. Preferably somewhere sunny with a beach and lots of frozen drinks :)

We are going to a wedding next week in LA for one of James' cousins and Joli gets to be the flower girl. She is so so excited and I'm excited for her and for James' cousin, but all I can think about it having to travel with a baby. Having to shack up in a hotel room with a baby. Trying to find a place to make her bottles and change her diapers and feed her jars of food away from home where it's so convenient and easy. How will the five of us sleep in a hotel room with one bathroom?? I think this is going to be WAY more stressful than fun. James seems to think it's a piece of cake to have a baby anywhere so hopefully he'll be hands on Dad this trip so I can enjoy 5 minutes of it :)  And that last statement upsets me....I say things like that and then immediately think it's so selfish of me. I have a baby, I have to learn to buck up and get over it and come to terms with the fact that my life is no longer mine alone and it won't ever be again. And then I beat myself up for feeling that way because somewhere inside I believe that it's okay for me to feel that way and for me to want breaks or need some time off. It's like being at a constant tug of war with my feelings. Nothing I feel is okay to feel and then I get depressed because I still feel that way regardless if it's right or wrong.

But at the end of the day, I'm very happy and I can't complain. I love love my little girl and my beautiful step kids. The three of them are the reason why I am half way decent of a person and why I work so hard. I can't wait to keep seeing how the three of them grow up and see who they'll become and what they'll do with their lives. I just hope I don't fuck them up too much along the way :)

Love, Diana

I FINALLY HAVE 5 MINUTES!!!

Wow oh wow. I can't believe I finally have 5 minutes and a computer to write a blog post! There has been so much going on that I can't even think to include but I'll put in the most important details of my little love muffin.

Emily is now 8 months old (as of last Saturday) and just the sweetest, greatest child anyone could possibly ask for. Seriously she is so perfect that I can't believe I'm so lucky to have her as my child. She is happy all the time, amazingly smart and funny and beautiful. She really is the greatest thing to happen to me and I can't wait for all the years to come and to see what kind of girl she will grow up to be. I'm hoping she will have my patience and sense of humor and her Dads smarts and self confidence.

At about 6 months she was able to sit up on her own but she wasn't a big fan of it and would make herself fall back over to her tummy or back. Shortly after that she started sprouting teeth and has her two front bottom teeth and two upper K9 teeth popping through. She didn't suffer from teething at all (so far!) No fever, no crankiness or lack of sleep or appetite. She was a trooper :) And she also around that time started to do the army crawl. She won't get up on all fours to crawl but she scoots her body with her hands and legs all over the floor. By 7 months she was a pro at it and can scoot from one part of the family room to other in a blink of an eye. Now a days she's sitting up by herself and starting to crawl the steps a little bit. She can now crawl to a standing position by holding onto the couch or a table or someone's legs. She's such a big girl and the time has just flown by. One night she figured out how to crawl two steps to the kitchen area from the family room and we all stood around watching and as soon as she made it up we started clapping and yelling and she freaked out because we were so loud and in her face that she started crying. It was so cute!

I wish I could just stop time for a little bit so I can continue to enjoy every stage that she enters. It feels like every Monday she knows she's supposed to be doing something new and she does! Before I can grasp every little change, she starts doing something else exciting. It's so fun to see but also a bummer because my little baby is no longer a baby. She is growing into a toddler quicker than I'm ready for :(

She started saying dada over and over and nana over and over at around 6 to 6 1/2 months. Now she started with actual googoo and gagas. She doesn't know she's saying anyones name but it's nice to pretend she's calling for me when I hear mamama. But she is smart enough to know if you say "where's sister" to look around the room for Joli and same with big brother and Mommy and Daddy. She loves to grab everything and I mean EVERYTHING to see what it does, feels like, tastes like, etc. And she will stick anything in her mouth that fits. She's starting to figure out the noises she can make by slamming two toys together or throwing them. She does this cute little thing with her hands and fingers like she can't believe that she's making them move a certain way. She still loves bath time and loves to smack the water and splash it all over the tub (and her Mommy!). She's always on the move. She wants to crawl everywhere and grab at everything she can. Cell phones, ipads and remote controls are her favorite :)

We started her on jar baby food a little after her 6 month mark. I had a hard time because it was so messy and proved she was a big girl so I was hesitant but it was quickly obvious to me and everyone around that she was ready for big girl food and she wants plenty of it!! She's now up to 3 or more jars per day plus her bottles in between and at bed time. She's a moose!!! I'm constantly running to the store to get more formula or baby food. But she's gotten so good at eating jar food that she doesn't even need a bib anymore.

Everything she does is so stinking adorable I can hardly take it. She wakes up happy and giggly and entertains herself in her crib until someone comes to get her. The only time she gets upset is if she's really really hungry or wants to play with something she's not supposed to play with and you take it away. I hope she will always be so happy and carefree. Wish I could say the same for myself! hahaha

Being a Mom is so much harder than I could have imagined, and that's with giving birth to the perfect child! ;) I can't imagine how other Moms handle colicky babies or multiple kids in diapers. I feel exhausted, pulled in a hundred directions and confused 99% of the day. I can't focus at work like I used to and I can't focus at home like I used to. I find myself getting irritated and depressed a lot of the time because I can't accomplish what was so easy for me a year ago, today. I also feel like I have a new priority and importance in my life that far exceeds any importance I put into other aspects of my life. Sometimes, and only sometimes, I will have a certain feeling about a situation or person and instead of keeping it to myself, I will actually verbalize my issue. Don't get me wrong, I'm still super passive aggressive and keep 90% of my issues to myself but sometimes I will buck up and say something. It's like something switched in my brain and I'm just not willing to put up with any bullshit. I'm a Mom now! I have and will continue to bear unthinkable things and new scary ventures every day of my life, I could give a rats ass about confrontation.

I feel like there's so many more milestones I'm leaving out with Emily but none of them are negative. She is so happy and smiley and lovey all the time. I love just being with her. Don't get me wrong, I could always use a break. Even the perfect baby is still a baby and it's hard work 24/7 but when I'm not with her I'm anxious to be with her and when I'm with her for an extended amount of time, I get anxious for a break! hahaha

The only negative about being a new Mom is having to come to terms with other people not loving her like I do. Obviously no one loves their child like their Mom, but I was expecting such a different response by people close to me that it's been hard to come to terms with the fact that those dreams will never be realized. Sometimes I want to tell these people to do more, see her more, offer to help and then the other part of me knows that I can't force anyone to do anything or feel a certain way. I guess at the end of the day, I just have to realize that it will be their loss because Emily is such an amazing baby girl and I get to experience every last part of her life with her while others will miss out on that relationship. 

I'm hoping to be able to blog at least once a month, especially now that I'll be back to work full time in the next two weeks I should be able to get more accomplished day to day. Either that or my next blog will be a suicide note because I can't take all the responsibility. hahaha