So 37 weeks is considered full term and part of me is really excited to find out where I am and where Emily is at. The other part of me is really scared to find out because that means I'm getting closer to giving birth. Next Monday I go in for my first ultrasound since 20 weeks to measure Emily and check on her and see where she's at. The Dr. will also check my cervix to determine how ready I am to go into labor.
Yesterday at my last 2 week check up, I told my Dr. not to tell me if I'm dilated because I'm too much of a nervous wreck and I won't be able to handle it. But now I regret saying that. As much as I don't want to know, I really want to know! Ugh, what a mess yesterday was too! I have to pee in a cup every appt. and I really really had to pee yesterday so when I got there I knew I'd over fill the cup if I wasn't careful. So I manage to stop myself mid stream to remove the cup and somehow lost control of it and managed to spill pee ALL over my underwear and jeans!!! I had to proceed with the appt. with pee soaked pants. It was uncomfortable to say the least and left me in tears. Immediately following the pee incident, I had to get weighed in. In the last 30 days, I had only gained 1 pd so I wasn't too worried until I saw the numbers.....I gained 8 pds in 2 weeks!!! I know Emily can't weigh 14 pds so obviously it wasn't all her. I started crying again and the nurse tried to convince me that this was okay and I really haven't gained ALL that much weight since getting pregnant but there was no cheering me up at this point. As I sat there in my own urine, thinking about how out of control I am about my weight gain and crying, my Dr. came in. That poor guy....James said he's probably counting down the days until he doesn't have to see me anymore, but I'm hoping I'm not the ONLY pregnant woman to lose it in his office. Anywho, he gave me a hard time about the weight gain which I had anticipated and checked Emily's heartbeat which is slowing down as it should in these next few weeks. He said he can feel her from my ribs all the way down so she's probably really long at this point. I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I couldn't stop crying long enough to get a word out so I guess those questions will have to wait until next week.
I'm actually really nervous for next week just because of Thanksgiving. I mean, I'm not going to be pregnant every year and I've been waiting for this holiday to pig out on all my favorites. I just hope I don't gain another 8 pds in 7 days! But my nurse suggested that maybe I stand away from the scale so I don't see the numbers since it upsets me so much. And at this point I really should just be worried about Emily's health and safety and not how much I weigh. I think I'm just having trouble with it because I feel so out of control with my body. I can't manipulate it to do things I want it to do. Emily's in charge of that now.
At this point, the hardest thing I've been dealing with is the home life. I'm extra grumpy because of the pain and discomfort and I haven't been able to be fun or affectionate for the kids or James. I feel really isolated from them lately and I know it's my fault, I just can't control my emotions at this point. I really just want to sit in bed and cry all day but that's not very productive. And seeing all the things that need to be done around the house is killing me! I want to stay on top of the laundry and keep the kitchen clean, but I'm just too exhausted and overwhelmed to do any of it. That depresses me too. Luckily we have Nana! She's coming over to the house today to do all the scrubbing that I can't do anymore before we're having Turkey Day at our house tomorrow. And I know I have to let these little things go, especially when Emily gets here. I'll be lucky if I have time to take a shower, let alone do dishes or laundry. I hope I'm able to let go of my control issues when she gets here.
The other night while laying in bed, James and I were watching her move. She looked like she was trying to push herself out of my stomach by my belly button. She's gotten really big and it's starting to hurt a little bit when she moves around too much. I can just see her stretching my skin. Then she got the hiccups which was super cute!! Every 2 seconds when she'd hiccup my stomach would bounce up. It was really cute but then I felt bad because she must be just as uncomfortable as I am. She's still spending an awful lot of time near and/or on my bladder. I'm at that stage where I need to stay close to a restroom at all times.
Other than that, nothing too much exciting or new going on. I finally have all of her bedroom stuff to put her room together, now it's just finding the time and energy to actually do it. I'm trying to stay positive through these next few weeks but it's proving to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do thus far in my life. I just can't wait for her to get here finally so I can see what all the fuss is about when becoming a Mom for the first time.
HOW FAR ALONG: 36 weeks (baby is over 18 inches and 6 pds. I think Emily is already at 10 pds!)
SLEEP: Oh how I miss a good nights sleep :(
FOOD CRAVINGS: Lately it's been sweets. I tried to get James to go get me ice cream last night but he's harder to convince than I thought....
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The ultrasound next week. Can't wait to see my little girl!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I don't know anymore....at this point I'm pretty much up for everything that's to come.
Love, Diana :)
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Week 35.....Stick a fork in me.
Holy exhaustion!! I can't wait to read this to Emily when she's older so I can finally ask her what I did while she was in the womb to make her hate me so much? I know the last month is supposedly the toughest but I guess I'm just getting antsy since it's so close to the end. It's like I've been uncomfortable for so long and emotional for so long that even considering going through it for one more day feels impossible. Impossible and unbearable. I tell James every day that I'm dying but I really mean it. I feel like she's trying to kill me or maybe just push my buttons to see how strong I am. Well, guess what Emily!? Mommy is not strong!!! She's not strong at all and you have broken me down to a point I never thought I could ever reach in my life. I suffered from depression as a teenager and yesterday I remembered those feelings and how awful they were. How it felt to think I was alone, that no one would or could possibly understand why I'm upset all the time. The crying, the thoughts of ending my life, all of it PALES in comparison to how I'm feeling these days. I would give anything to just feel like I did when I was 13, 14. I can handle emotional distress and anxiety. I can't handle it while experiencing such chronic awful indigestion and chest pains, back pains, nose bleeds, headaches. Who in their right mind actually wants to do this to themselves for 9 months?? That Duggar family must be on crack! 20 kids??? Hell no! I'm not saying that Emily won't be amazing because let's face it, she'll be half me so she's bound to be the greatest thing since sliced bread but suffering for this long of a time feels like centuries and I will never ever put myself through it again.
Aside from the pain and sleepless nights, the stress and anxiety is getting to me big time. I feel like there's so much that needs to be done and not enough time. And not knowing exactly when she'll get here is so stressful for me. I need to plan! I need to have an exact day and time so I know where to be, what to have ready and what to get done ahead of time. And again....I have to birth something from my precious hoohoo. I'm freaking out!!! What will it feel like? What if my water doesn't break, how will I know if I'm in labor?? What if the pain is too unbearable and I can't handle it? What if I can't or don't push right and they have to do a c-section because I can't get my shit together?? There is just not enough time in the world to prepare me for giving birth and I know I'll never feel ready. I just wish I didn't feel so scared of it. Sometimes I don't because when I'm in a lot of pain at that moment I could care less if she carved her way out of my stomach with a rusty old butter knife but when the pain subsides for even 5 minutes, I'm panicking over this whole labor thing. But at the same time if I try to read about labor at all I get even more panicky and start imagining the worse and have to stop reading. I'm even panicking right now as I type this.....thank God I'm in therapy!
Last night I finally got to my thank you cards from the baby shower and it literally took me 5 hours to do them! The pain in my chest was so bad that after I'd write 1-2 cards I'd have to stop and lay on my back for at least 5 minutes to relieve the pain before I could write another 1-2 cards. Who knew writing thank you notes would be so exhausting?? I feel super worthless these days. I have to push myself so hard just to do the dishes or a load of laundry. I get tired very easily and am in pain a lot of the time. And apparently at this point she should be running out of room but either she's super tiny or my uterus is huge because she still moves and kicks A LOT! Oh and also according to my e-mails, she's fully grown and developed, now she's just putting on pounds. Uh, you think you could help me out and gain that weight OUT of the womb?? I'm sure it's warm in there and all but you are SUPER uncomfortable. And the kicking on my bladder needs to stop ASAP! I feel like a 80 yr old woman whose lost control of her bladder....
On a happy note though (doesn't seem to be many of those these days!) I'm getting everything together to finally finish up her room. Hopefully I'll have it done by the end of this weekend and I am getting really excited to see and hold her. I know I will love her to pieces and I know I'll be a good Mom, I'm just feeling really restless for her to get here already.
HOW FAR ALONG: 35 weeks (baby is about 18 inches long and should weigh 5 1/2 pds)
SLEEP: I'm up and down all night but I do get a minimum of 3-4 hours a night. Just a lot of wacky dreams...
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'll eat anything. Lots of sweet and salty mixes are at the top of my list these days.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Thanksgiving!!! I'm going to PIG out!!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: 1 when Emily gets here. I hope she sleeps a lot.
Love, Diana :)
Aside from the pain and sleepless nights, the stress and anxiety is getting to me big time. I feel like there's so much that needs to be done and not enough time. And not knowing exactly when she'll get here is so stressful for me. I need to plan! I need to have an exact day and time so I know where to be, what to have ready and what to get done ahead of time. And again....I have to birth something from my precious hoohoo. I'm freaking out!!! What will it feel like? What if my water doesn't break, how will I know if I'm in labor?? What if the pain is too unbearable and I can't handle it? What if I can't or don't push right and they have to do a c-section because I can't get my shit together?? There is just not enough time in the world to prepare me for giving birth and I know I'll never feel ready. I just wish I didn't feel so scared of it. Sometimes I don't because when I'm in a lot of pain at that moment I could care less if she carved her way out of my stomach with a rusty old butter knife but when the pain subsides for even 5 minutes, I'm panicking over this whole labor thing. But at the same time if I try to read about labor at all I get even more panicky and start imagining the worse and have to stop reading. I'm even panicking right now as I type this.....thank God I'm in therapy!
Last night I finally got to my thank you cards from the baby shower and it literally took me 5 hours to do them! The pain in my chest was so bad that after I'd write 1-2 cards I'd have to stop and lay on my back for at least 5 minutes to relieve the pain before I could write another 1-2 cards. Who knew writing thank you notes would be so exhausting?? I feel super worthless these days. I have to push myself so hard just to do the dishes or a load of laundry. I get tired very easily and am in pain a lot of the time. And apparently at this point she should be running out of room but either she's super tiny or my uterus is huge because she still moves and kicks A LOT! Oh and also according to my e-mails, she's fully grown and developed, now she's just putting on pounds. Uh, you think you could help me out and gain that weight OUT of the womb?? I'm sure it's warm in there and all but you are SUPER uncomfortable. And the kicking on my bladder needs to stop ASAP! I feel like a 80 yr old woman whose lost control of her bladder....
On a happy note though (doesn't seem to be many of those these days!) I'm getting everything together to finally finish up her room. Hopefully I'll have it done by the end of this weekend and I am getting really excited to see and hold her. I know I will love her to pieces and I know I'll be a good Mom, I'm just feeling really restless for her to get here already.
HOW FAR ALONG: 35 weeks (baby is about 18 inches long and should weigh 5 1/2 pds)
SLEEP: I'm up and down all night but I do get a minimum of 3-4 hours a night. Just a lot of wacky dreams...
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'll eat anything. Lots of sweet and salty mixes are at the top of my list these days.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Thanksgiving!!! I'm going to PIG out!!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: 1 when Emily gets here. I hope she sleeps a lot.
Love, Diana :)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Baby Shower Overview!!
Well of course I have to blog about the baby shower separately from my weekly blogs :) I just don't even know where to begin! My sister came into town Saturday night and that's when I got to find out the theme of the party was Hello Kitty (my favorite!!) Her and I worked on the party favors while Jamesy and Joli helped. She had a bunch of different little lip glosses and we tied pink bows around them with an E and a heart on the bows for Emily. The kids helped us sort through a few bags of letters to pick out each E and heart. It was a little time consuming but lots of fun and I know they loved being able to help. My poor Momma was stuck vacuuming and cleaning the house while we chit chatted and "worked" on other parts of the shower. But in my defense, I at least steam mopped the dining room and kitchen :)
Sunday morning, Joli and I went to get our nails done down the street. She was so excited and got to wear Hello Kitty clothes to match the shower theme. Poor James had a pregnant cow on the war path who wouldn't even let him eat at the house for fear of making any sort of mess. I kicked him out by 10am and he called me a baby shower-zilla. And I kinda agree with him. I was a little out of hand :) Anywho, when Joli and I got back from being pampered I was greeted with chips and salsa and got to pig out while watching my Mom, sister and best friend Jamie decorate. They also helped me get dressed and Julie did my hair and make up which I loved! My sister got caterers who were there cooking in the kitchen and setting up tables. They were so awesome! They had a menu displayed with lots of good food and a table for drinks (yes, everyone got to booze it up!) Jamie did really awesome center pieces for the tables and there was lots of Hello Kitty balloons. And the cake!!! The cake was amazing! It was huge and had Hello Kitty decorations on it. Plus the caterers brought brownies and mini cookies. Everything was so good and I'm glad I have a bunch of leftovers :)
There were so many gifts and people who came! I couldn't believe it. It was really overwhelming to see so many people. My great Aunt Jean came who I haven't seen in years and one of her daughters, my cousin Kathy with her two daughters Laura and Shelby. I held Shelby as a newborn and she's got to be in her 20's now! And a good family friend Kathleen came and it was just so nice to see old faces I haven't seen in so long. And all my friends and family were there. It was AMAZING! I got lots of homemade blankets and clothes and those meant a lot. I can't even cook toast so I'm in awe of people who can actually knit. Another friend made me a memory box with a homemade scrap book. It was just so unbelievable! Of course I have no room in the house for any of this new stuff but I'm sure I'll figure it all out :)
And I'm really proud of myself because I only cried twice! I thought I'd be balling all day but luckily my hormones were somewhat in check. I think it was because I was too hot to be emotional. haha And 3 of my girlfriends that came to the shower are pregnant too and we're all having girls!! It was nice to swap stories and advice. But I think my favorite part of the whole day was after everyone left and the place was cleared out. My friends Jamie, Marcie and Amber stayed behind for a few hours. My mom heated up some leftover appetizers and chips and salsa and we all sat around and reminisced of our high school days and laughed and ate. My poor Mom had to hear a lot more than I'm sure she wanted to but that's to be expected with us girls! Jamie read me the advice cards that everyone filled out and aside from two cards all the advice was great. It helped remind me how much I really will love being a Mom and how much I have to look forward to with Emily. It also let me know that I will have help if I get too overwhelmed. I'm sure it will be fine and I'll quickly find my niche and routine with the 3 kiddos in the house but I do have some fear about trying to juggle it all and I just want everything to go perfectly. James keeps having to remind me that there's no such thing and it will all work out on it's own. And I know he's right, there's no such thing as perfect and people won't judge me if I have a dirty house or dishes in the sink. That will be a hard thing to overcome but I'm hoping I can put all my craziness aside and just focus on my beautiful family.
The main girl to thank for such a wonderful baby shower is my sister. She planned it and kept calm and kept me calm through the whole process and did it while living a whole state away and while traveling a lot for work. There aren't enough words to thank her. My mom was so helpful too and she kept her calm through the whole weekend and day of. She even cleaned the house last night and it's all back to normal :) My best friend Jamie was awesome too!! I loved her center pieces and the mason jars with candles was beautiful! She kept track of the diaper game. Even after I tried to ruin it by "helping" pass out numbers. hahaha It was such a great experience that I will never ever forget and I just can't even thank everyone enough. There aren't enough words or hugs or tears that can express my gratitude. Emily is so lucky to have such wonderful people in her life already who will love her to pieces and I'm the luckiest Mom in the world to have those same wonderful people in my life too.
Love, Diana :)
Sunday morning, Joli and I went to get our nails done down the street. She was so excited and got to wear Hello Kitty clothes to match the shower theme. Poor James had a pregnant cow on the war path who wouldn't even let him eat at the house for fear of making any sort of mess. I kicked him out by 10am and he called me a baby shower-zilla. And I kinda agree with him. I was a little out of hand :) Anywho, when Joli and I got back from being pampered I was greeted with chips and salsa and got to pig out while watching my Mom, sister and best friend Jamie decorate. They also helped me get dressed and Julie did my hair and make up which I loved! My sister got caterers who were there cooking in the kitchen and setting up tables. They were so awesome! They had a menu displayed with lots of good food and a table for drinks (yes, everyone got to booze it up!) Jamie did really awesome center pieces for the tables and there was lots of Hello Kitty balloons. And the cake!!! The cake was amazing! It was huge and had Hello Kitty decorations on it. Plus the caterers brought brownies and mini cookies. Everything was so good and I'm glad I have a bunch of leftovers :)
There were so many gifts and people who came! I couldn't believe it. It was really overwhelming to see so many people. My great Aunt Jean came who I haven't seen in years and one of her daughters, my cousin Kathy with her two daughters Laura and Shelby. I held Shelby as a newborn and she's got to be in her 20's now! And a good family friend Kathleen came and it was just so nice to see old faces I haven't seen in so long. And all my friends and family were there. It was AMAZING! I got lots of homemade blankets and clothes and those meant a lot. I can't even cook toast so I'm in awe of people who can actually knit. Another friend made me a memory box with a homemade scrap book. It was just so unbelievable! Of course I have no room in the house for any of this new stuff but I'm sure I'll figure it all out :)
And I'm really proud of myself because I only cried twice! I thought I'd be balling all day but luckily my hormones were somewhat in check. I think it was because I was too hot to be emotional. haha And 3 of my girlfriends that came to the shower are pregnant too and we're all having girls!! It was nice to swap stories and advice. But I think my favorite part of the whole day was after everyone left and the place was cleared out. My friends Jamie, Marcie and Amber stayed behind for a few hours. My mom heated up some leftover appetizers and chips and salsa and we all sat around and reminisced of our high school days and laughed and ate. My poor Mom had to hear a lot more than I'm sure she wanted to but that's to be expected with us girls! Jamie read me the advice cards that everyone filled out and aside from two cards all the advice was great. It helped remind me how much I really will love being a Mom and how much I have to look forward to with Emily. It also let me know that I will have help if I get too overwhelmed. I'm sure it will be fine and I'll quickly find my niche and routine with the 3 kiddos in the house but I do have some fear about trying to juggle it all and I just want everything to go perfectly. James keeps having to remind me that there's no such thing and it will all work out on it's own. And I know he's right, there's no such thing as perfect and people won't judge me if I have a dirty house or dishes in the sink. That will be a hard thing to overcome but I'm hoping I can put all my craziness aside and just focus on my beautiful family.
The main girl to thank for such a wonderful baby shower is my sister. She planned it and kept calm and kept me calm through the whole process and did it while living a whole state away and while traveling a lot for work. There aren't enough words to thank her. My mom was so helpful too and she kept her calm through the whole weekend and day of. She even cleaned the house last night and it's all back to normal :) My best friend Jamie was awesome too!! I loved her center pieces and the mason jars with candles was beautiful! She kept track of the diaper game. Even after I tried to ruin it by "helping" pass out numbers. hahaha It was such a great experience that I will never ever forget and I just can't even thank everyone enough. There aren't enough words or hugs or tears that can express my gratitude. Emily is so lucky to have such wonderful people in her life already who will love her to pieces and I'm the luckiest Mom in the world to have those same wonderful people in my life too.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What week is this again?? Oh, 33 weeks.....
Wow, in as little as 6 weeks I could have my daughter in my hands. That feels weird to say, think and write. Daughter. I know I've had some experience with the whole parenting thing with Jamesy and Joli but because of their strong bond with their Mom and my fear of being considered a real Mom, I never let myself feel that way about them. It feels invasive to consider myself a Mother with them because I come from a divorced family and I know how it feels to have "strangers" come into the home and assume certain roles. I would never want the kids to consider me anything they don't feel 100% comfortable with. They still don't even understand what a step-mom is or know that I consider myself one. And that's always been fine with me. But knowing that now I will officially be a Mother and have someone who loves me unconditionally like they love their Mom is such a strange concept. I keep wondering if when I hear the words "mom" for the first time if I'll even turn around and recognize someone is addressing me! And trying to picture what she'll look like is strange too. I wonder if she'll look just like me or just like her Daddy or a combo of both of us. I hope she gets James' nose. And I really hope she doesn't get my chin! I like to call her my little monkey since I think I strongly resembled one as a child.
Being pregnant is hard. People do it every day and I think they're insane. Either that or I really am that weak of a person. Lately every simple task feels like the end of the world. I have zero motivation to do anything. I've been half ass cleaning at home, slacking off at work. I'm just really tired and my mind feels so cloudy I can't concentrate on anything. The other day I noticed something on my tummy that I thought were bruises. I asked James to take a look and sure enough, they're stretch marks!! STRETCH MARKS!! It's the beginning of the end. I can't even imagine what my body will look like after this is over and done with. I picture myself looking like a shriveled up prune swimming in cottage cheese. Hopefully I'll be so in love with her that I won't care what happens to my body and hopefully James will love me regardless of what I look like :) Speaking of James, that poor guy....I feel really bad for any spouse or significant others dealing with pregnant women. Let's face it, we're phsychotic when expecting. No matter what he does, that I ask him to do, it's always wrong and it's never enough. He tells me 100 times a day how much he loves me and I still get upset and tell him I feel unloved and alone. If his thoughts/wants/needs aren't in my best interest 24/7 than he's getting a hyterical Diana. But at the same time, I AM the one who is dealing with all this mess. He'll just get to enjoy his new baby while I'll have spent the last 9 months being tortured by her. Plus, if I get too out of control he can always have a drink or 12 to relax. I can't....you know what!? I change my mind! Screw that guy! Screw all guys!
So, I'm sure this is the case for everyone who gets knocked up, but I'm going to really try and avoid in the future to talk to other expecting moms about my experience. Unless they ask of course. But I'm SO over hearing everyone's stories and advice. I feel rude for feeling that way, but I just don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to know what to expect when I give birth or what to expect afterward. I just want to wing it at this point and deal with everything as it comes at me. The more I know, the more I panic. I do enjoy the looks of sympathy I get though from fellow Mommies when they see I'm pregnant. That silent look tells me more comforting things than any conversation I've had thus far.
My baby shower is this Sunday and I'm SO SO excited!!! I can't wait to see my sister, my Mom came into town last night and it's always nice to have her around and helping out. I can't wait to spend a day with all my friends and family and people I haven't seen in a LONG time! It's going to be such a great time. I just hope I can make it through the day without crying. hahaha It's kind of a daily routine at this point. A slight breeze can make me lose it. But I'm sure it will be awesome and I can't thank my sister enough for putting it all together! And apparently there will be a bar so maybe I can sneak a little glass of something. I was hoping for strippers but apparently that's not baby shower material.
HOW FAR ALONG: 33 Weeks (baby is as big as a pineapple)
SLEEP: I get as much as I can.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm really enjoying Halloween candy. I could not have been preggers at a better time!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower and hopefully some ultrasounds so I can see how big my little nugget is.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Getting any bigger. I'm already in so much pain and discomfort I can't imagine carrying any more weight on me.
Love, Diana :)
Being pregnant is hard. People do it every day and I think they're insane. Either that or I really am that weak of a person. Lately every simple task feels like the end of the world. I have zero motivation to do anything. I've been half ass cleaning at home, slacking off at work. I'm just really tired and my mind feels so cloudy I can't concentrate on anything. The other day I noticed something on my tummy that I thought were bruises. I asked James to take a look and sure enough, they're stretch marks!! STRETCH MARKS!! It's the beginning of the end. I can't even imagine what my body will look like after this is over and done with. I picture myself looking like a shriveled up prune swimming in cottage cheese. Hopefully I'll be so in love with her that I won't care what happens to my body and hopefully James will love me regardless of what I look like :) Speaking of James, that poor guy....I feel really bad for any spouse or significant others dealing with pregnant women. Let's face it, we're phsychotic when expecting. No matter what he does, that I ask him to do, it's always wrong and it's never enough. He tells me 100 times a day how much he loves me and I still get upset and tell him I feel unloved and alone. If his thoughts/wants/needs aren't in my best interest 24/7 than he's getting a hyterical Diana. But at the same time, I AM the one who is dealing with all this mess. He'll just get to enjoy his new baby while I'll have spent the last 9 months being tortured by her. Plus, if I get too out of control he can always have a drink or 12 to relax. I can't....you know what!? I change my mind! Screw that guy! Screw all guys!
So, I'm sure this is the case for everyone who gets knocked up, but I'm going to really try and avoid in the future to talk to other expecting moms about my experience. Unless they ask of course. But I'm SO over hearing everyone's stories and advice. I feel rude for feeling that way, but I just don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to know what to expect when I give birth or what to expect afterward. I just want to wing it at this point and deal with everything as it comes at me. The more I know, the more I panic. I do enjoy the looks of sympathy I get though from fellow Mommies when they see I'm pregnant. That silent look tells me more comforting things than any conversation I've had thus far.
My baby shower is this Sunday and I'm SO SO excited!!! I can't wait to see my sister, my Mom came into town last night and it's always nice to have her around and helping out. I can't wait to spend a day with all my friends and family and people I haven't seen in a LONG time! It's going to be such a great time. I just hope I can make it through the day without crying. hahaha It's kind of a daily routine at this point. A slight breeze can make me lose it. But I'm sure it will be awesome and I can't thank my sister enough for putting it all together! And apparently there will be a bar so maybe I can sneak a little glass of something. I was hoping for strippers but apparently that's not baby shower material.
HOW FAR ALONG: 33 Weeks (baby is as big as a pineapple)
SLEEP: I get as much as I can.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm really enjoying Halloween candy. I could not have been preggers at a better time!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower and hopefully some ultrasounds so I can see how big my little nugget is.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Getting any bigger. I'm already in so much pain and discomfort I can't imagine carrying any more weight on me.
Love, Diana :)
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