My Dearest Sweet Love Emily Ann,
I love you with all of my heart and I always will. I promise you I will be there for you for as long as I live. I promise to be understanding, patient and loving to you. Even though there will plenty of times that I'm the exact opposite! I promise to be overprotective and over bearing because that's what Mothers do. I promise to be nosey when you're a teenager. I promise to freak out if you dye your hair pink, even though I did it too as a teenager. I promise to be proud of you always, even when I don't agree with your decisions. I promise that lying to you about Santa Claus will be the only big lie I will tell you. I may make up some other crap along the way, but nothing as serious as lying about where all your gifts come from on Xmas.
I promise to screw up, probably a lot. Just like you, I'm only human and the one thing you can count on with humans, is that they all make mistakes. I promise to remember that you're only human too when you make mistakes. I promise to get angry for stupid shit but I also promise to calm down and apologize when I'm at fault. I promise to try and raise you to the best of my ability. I promise to teach you to do your own laundry and clean your own room because when you're an adult you will thank me for instilling independence. I promise to help you with your homework until it's too difficult for me to figure out. Then, I'll promise to make Daddy help you with it :)
I promise that when you're older and meet someone and fall in love, to be supportive of your relationships regardless if you choose someone unemployed and covered in tattoos. As much as those relationships will worry me and upset me, the thought of you not having support will hurt way worse. And I promise to be there silently while you mourn the loss of those relationships.
When you have children of your own, I promise to be there for you when you're pregnant and scared (or excited!). I promise to be there to help you with your children. I promise to stay close to you so that if you need me in the middle of the night I can rush right over. I promise to love and care for your children as I did with you (or better!).
Always remember your older siblings will be your best bet into guiding you through childhood with two crazy parents. Joli will teach you how to do your own makeup when you're way too young to learn. Jamesy will teach you the best lies to tell when you're in trouble. But they will help you when you need it. They will take you and your friends places you shouldn't be going and help you sneak in and out of the house. They will also teach you how to fold towels and take out the trash.
Above all, I promise there will be times when you "hate" me but I will buck up and keep positive because I know there will be a time when you're sorry you said those words and will love me again. There will be screaming fits and tantrums and doors slammed in my face but you will always ALWAYS be my little girl and I will always forgive you and love you no matter what happens. And I hope that you will always forgive me and love me regardless of the mistakes that I will make along the way.
Most of all.....I promise NOT to say "I told you so".....to your face.
Love ALWAYS, your Mommy :)
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
13 going on 30 (months that is)
I can't believe I haven't blogged since November!! Just shows how crazy life has become and keeps getting! I'm so frustrated because I absolutely LOVE 13 months on Emily. She is SO much fun and wonderful and chatty and happy and sweet and loving and I just want to spend every waking second taking all of it in. I want to freeze this time so I can take advantage of it for as long as possible. But everything else in life keeps getting in the way. hahaha Every time I turn around, it's someone's birthday or Xmas or work, etc. preventing me from being all consumed with Emily. I could easily cut everything else out of my life and just focus on her. It's definitely not healthy and of course I wouldn't allow it to happen, but I could do it. And be very happy :)
So, let's delve into Emily's first birthday since I missed blogging about it sooner. We had a little get together at our house (with a mere 35 people!!) and had lots of food and beer and presents!! Emily was not sure why all these gifts were sitting around and everyone was watching her, but she loved seeing her brother, sister and Auntie Andrea help her open gifts and learn to play with them. Her favorite gift was by far a rocking pony my Dad and Ingrid got her that's furry, pink and it talks and sings. We all find it creepy but she's obsessed with it!! She loves to bounce up and down while the pony sings and will keep pressing her ear over and over til we memorize, eat sleep and dream the rock 'n rider pony song......
She got a few fake cell phones which she enjoys too since we're always on our phones or tablets at the house. There's also a little dog stuffed animal that talks and sings if you push his paws. Apparently it's very popular right now because she got 4 of them!! She got a lot of walkers and clothes. She was a doll all day for her "fans" And she even wore the birthday hat I got her and to this day comes over and asks me to put it on. I think it reminds her of the day when everything was about her. hahaha The cake eating didn't go over too well. She was not into making a mess and couldn't understand why everyone was sticking their fingers in her cake trying to get her to eat it.
She did enjoy her guests singing Happy Birthday :)
I can't even begin to explain the love I have for this child. Even when she's a pain in the ass I still just want to be near her. She's just getting over a really bad cold and ear infection and a few nights she wasn't sleeping well, if at all. I hated to be sleeping away from her those nights and would sometimes just sit in her dark room while she slept not wanting to leave her side in case she needed me for even a second.
We tried taking her to the snow for the first time last weekend. She is a complete NIGHTMARE in the car. You can't take her on a 5 minute drive down the road without her screaming and crying the entire time. Imagine 3 hours with 2 other kids in the car and then Emily crying the whole ride. She doesn't take a break, she doesn't sleep, she just yells and yells. James and Joli had more fun in the snow than her (to be expected) and I've decided once again that I will not travel with her until she's older and can verbalize her issues with being in a car. It would be nice if she could verbalize anything at this point. The hardest part about this age is her just wanting me to hold her all day. I don't mind it too much because I know it will pass and one day she'll want nothing to do with me, but I wish I could at least do the dishes or a load of laundry without her holding her arms up for me to pick her up and crying. It seems as long as I'm sitting down doing nothing she's okay, but God forbid I have to do something and she's all up in my shit. Again, I try not to get too irritated since I know this will pass but it's frustrating when I see James and the other kids enjoying their quiet time while I'm trying to fight off Ms. Needy-Pants.
She's fully walking at this point, won't crawl at all. She knows how to get off the couch and bed but still too short to climb up them. She'll climb up stairs but can't get down. You know, the typical baby walking stuff. She loves to eat and you'd think she would be 50 pounds by now with the appetite she's got. She loves vegetables for the most part and fruit. She likes steak and chicken and rice. She loves potatoes and I even fed her some salad the other night that she liked. She loves when you let her drink out of a big kid cup. She's very ticklish and I love to try and make her laugh. So does her big brother!! He's always tackling her (gently of course) and blowing on her belly to make funny noises. She loves to be around him and Joli and is usually a lot more content when they're home.
Time is going by too quickly. With Emily and the other kids. Joli is turning 9 tomorrow!!! My little girl who once wanted to be Ariel from Disney is now wanting to do big kid stuff like ride horses and play with her American Girl dolls and on her DS. Saturday she gets her first official birthday party where she gets to invite her girlfriends from school. We're taking her to a ranch in Livermore to go horseback riding with a few of her friends. She's going to have so much fun and I'm very happy she'll have her Mom back to celebrate her birthday with. She's so helpful around the house and with Emily. She does well in school and has lots of friends. She's just a great kid all the way around and I'm so so proud of her and am in love with the little girl she's growing up to be. I just don't want puberty to come. I remember those days and I'm not looking forward to her wearing bras and makeup and talking on the phone about boys. UGH! Where is a time machine when you need one!!!
UMMMMM HELLO!!!!! You can tell what a cluster fuck my life is because I forgot the biggest news of all!!!! James proposed to me on Xmas eve!!!! It was so so beautiful and sweet and I couldn't be happier. We drove to look at Xmas lights in an area of San Ramon that we check out every year at least once. We decided that after dinner we would go look at lights. So James drives (he said it was so I could enjoy the lights this time) and we start to go our usual route. We stop at this one street that has their lights blink to the Xmas music played over a local radio station and then move to the next court which doesn't look quite as lit up so at first I thought it was odd but James is his own man so I figured he knew where he wanted to go. We get up to the top and I see Xmas lights shining and as we make the turn to the left to circle the court, there it is! A huge lit up board that reads "DIANA WILL YOU MARRY ME?" I freaked out!!! I started crying and yelling "oh my god" over and over. I could barely see the beautiful ring through my tears. The poor kids were in the back seat and couldn't see what was going on so they just kept asking "WHAT?" "WHAT?" over and over. James came around to my side of the car, opened the door and asked me to marry him. I was so caught off guard I forgot to say yes until we drove home!!! His wonderful brother and Mom had driven the sign up and hooked it up before we got there. They waited around in the dark to see the surprise. It was so fantastic and everything I could have ever dreamed of in a proposal. It turns out James and his cousin Mikey spent a few days prior buying the material, putting the sign together and asking the house on that court if they could use an extension cord and their power to light up the sign. Afterwards James' Mom and brother brought the sign to our house and set it up on our front lawn where it stayed, lit up, for a week :) The ring is at a jewelers getting re-sized for a few weeks and I already feel naked without it. I can't wait to start wedding planning (which I've already done)!!!
I hate that I can't figure out how to flip my pictures right side up.....It's amazing I can get myself dressed every morning.
Anywho, a whole lot has been going on lately and I couldn't be happier. Less stressed, but not happier :)
Love,
Diana :)
So, let's delve into Emily's first birthday since I missed blogging about it sooner. We had a little get together at our house (with a mere 35 people!!) and had lots of food and beer and presents!! Emily was not sure why all these gifts were sitting around and everyone was watching her, but she loved seeing her brother, sister and Auntie Andrea help her open gifts and learn to play with them. Her favorite gift was by far a rocking pony my Dad and Ingrid got her that's furry, pink and it talks and sings. We all find it creepy but she's obsessed with it!! She loves to bounce up and down while the pony sings and will keep pressing her ear over and over til we memorize, eat sleep and dream the rock 'n rider pony song......
I can't even begin to explain the love I have for this child. Even when she's a pain in the ass I still just want to be near her. She's just getting over a really bad cold and ear infection and a few nights she wasn't sleeping well, if at all. I hated to be sleeping away from her those nights and would sometimes just sit in her dark room while she slept not wanting to leave her side in case she needed me for even a second.
We tried taking her to the snow for the first time last weekend. She is a complete NIGHTMARE in the car. You can't take her on a 5 minute drive down the road without her screaming and crying the entire time. Imagine 3 hours with 2 other kids in the car and then Emily crying the whole ride. She doesn't take a break, she doesn't sleep, she just yells and yells. James and Joli had more fun in the snow than her (to be expected) and I've decided once again that I will not travel with her until she's older and can verbalize her issues with being in a car. It would be nice if she could verbalize anything at this point. The hardest part about this age is her just wanting me to hold her all day. I don't mind it too much because I know it will pass and one day she'll want nothing to do with me, but I wish I could at least do the dishes or a load of laundry without her holding her arms up for me to pick her up and crying. It seems as long as I'm sitting down doing nothing she's okay, but God forbid I have to do something and she's all up in my shit. Again, I try not to get too irritated since I know this will pass but it's frustrating when I see James and the other kids enjoying their quiet time while I'm trying to fight off Ms. Needy-Pants.
She's fully walking at this point, won't crawl at all. She knows how to get off the couch and bed but still too short to climb up them. She'll climb up stairs but can't get down. You know, the typical baby walking stuff. She loves to eat and you'd think she would be 50 pounds by now with the appetite she's got. She loves vegetables for the most part and fruit. She likes steak and chicken and rice. She loves potatoes and I even fed her some salad the other night that she liked. She loves when you let her drink out of a big kid cup. She's very ticklish and I love to try and make her laugh. So does her big brother!! He's always tackling her (gently of course) and blowing on her belly to make funny noises. She loves to be around him and Joli and is usually a lot more content when they're home.
Time is going by too quickly. With Emily and the other kids. Joli is turning 9 tomorrow!!! My little girl who once wanted to be Ariel from Disney is now wanting to do big kid stuff like ride horses and play with her American Girl dolls and on her DS. Saturday she gets her first official birthday party where she gets to invite her girlfriends from school. We're taking her to a ranch in Livermore to go horseback riding with a few of her friends. She's going to have so much fun and I'm very happy she'll have her Mom back to celebrate her birthday with. She's so helpful around the house and with Emily. She does well in school and has lots of friends. She's just a great kid all the way around and I'm so so proud of her and am in love with the little girl she's growing up to be. I just don't want puberty to come. I remember those days and I'm not looking forward to her wearing bras and makeup and talking on the phone about boys. UGH! Where is a time machine when you need one!!!
UMMMMM HELLO!!!!! You can tell what a cluster fuck my life is because I forgot the biggest news of all!!!! James proposed to me on Xmas eve!!!! It was so so beautiful and sweet and I couldn't be happier. We drove to look at Xmas lights in an area of San Ramon that we check out every year at least once. We decided that after dinner we would go look at lights. So James drives (he said it was so I could enjoy the lights this time) and we start to go our usual route. We stop at this one street that has their lights blink to the Xmas music played over a local radio station and then move to the next court which doesn't look quite as lit up so at first I thought it was odd but James is his own man so I figured he knew where he wanted to go. We get up to the top and I see Xmas lights shining and as we make the turn to the left to circle the court, there it is! A huge lit up board that reads "DIANA WILL YOU MARRY ME?" I freaked out!!! I started crying and yelling "oh my god" over and over. I could barely see the beautiful ring through my tears. The poor kids were in the back seat and couldn't see what was going on so they just kept asking "WHAT?" "WHAT?" over and over. James came around to my side of the car, opened the door and asked me to marry him. I was so caught off guard I forgot to say yes until we drove home!!! His wonderful brother and Mom had driven the sign up and hooked it up before we got there. They waited around in the dark to see the surprise. It was so fantastic and everything I could have ever dreamed of in a proposal. It turns out James and his cousin Mikey spent a few days prior buying the material, putting the sign together and asking the house on that court if they could use an extension cord and their power to light up the sign. Afterwards James' Mom and brother brought the sign to our house and set it up on our front lawn where it stayed, lit up, for a week :) The ring is at a jewelers getting re-sized for a few weeks and I already feel naked without it. I can't wait to start wedding planning (which I've already done)!!!
Anywho, a whole lot has been going on lately and I couldn't be happier. Less stressed, but not happier :)
Love,
Diana :)
Thursday, November 29, 2012
All rainbows and unicorns!
I feel like yesterday I found out I was pregnant and here it is, Emily is almost a year old. This time last year I was getting ready for my last day at work before maternity leave and finishing up stuff for Emily's room and now I'm planning her 1st birthday party. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life. If I take the time to think about everything going on I panic. I have to keep my mind on one day at a time thinking or I'd probably explode from the overwhelm.
I feel like before I had Emily, I used to think a lot about the what ifs. What if me and James never got back together, what if I stayed in the mortgage industry or stayed in Orange County when I was in my mid 20's. But now I never think about that. I immediately panic that any other scenario would mean that Emily would not be here and that's just not fathomable. I can't imagine having my daughter with anyone else but James and I couldn't imagine a world where I didn't have Joli or Jamesy either. Emily has made me love life so much more than I ever did before. I try to explain it to my friends who don't have kids (yet) but it's so hard to put in words what having a child does for you and your life, in a good way! I feel so much less insecure. It's like now I know I have a purpose and what that purpose is. It's to be Emily's mom and nothing else on this planet matters more than that. As long as her and I are together we could live in a cardboard box or a mansion and I wouldn't notice or care either way. It's almost like having bad eye sight for your whole life where colors are just blurred together and you can't really tell the difference between black and purple and all of a sudden you have a baby and the colors are so much clearer. You can see every shade of black and purple. It's like a light bulb that gets brighter as soon as you have that baby. The whole world makes sense.
By the way, I've been writing this post for 3 days now. I keep getting interrupted at work and side tracked and if I'm lucky this post will be published before Emily's first birthday!
There's so much going on but I don't even know where to start so I'll just document what the little munch has been up to. She's almost walking. I mean, she can walk, she just won't do it very often. We've seen her take up to 7 steps at one time but can never get her to duplicate it so there's still no photographic evidence that she can walk. She loves to wave and say "bye" all the time, even if people aren't going anywhere. She's saying Momma a lot lately which I love!! And she's been a lot more affectionate with the family. She does get shy sometimes and will hide her head in my shoulder which I think is just adorable!! She'll give open mouth kisses. She puts her arms up way high in the air over her head when she wants to be picked up, which is often! haha She's still so happy all of the time. She sleeps through the night still which is amazing and so much appreciated. She really is an easy easy baby. The only gripe I would have is that she eats non stop. Like literally will continue to stuff her face if you keep putting food in front of it. Right now I don't even think she chews her food. She just stuffs it in and swallows and waits for the next bite! So far she hasn't choked but I'm guessing it's bound to happen if she doesn't slow her roll. She eats more than anyone in the house does and she only weighs 20 lbs!!
I still miss her while I'm working. I love my job and I'm glad I'm not a stay at home mom but some days are harder than others to leave her with her sitter. Like today for instance, I would give anything to be at home playing with her on the floor by ourselves all day. We don't get to do that often, if at all and I'm scared I'm going to regret not being with her more when she's older. Part of me is so excited and anxious to see what kind of little girl she'll grow into and the other part of me just wants her to stay a baby forever. I love babies! I love changing diapers and making bottles. I love being needed and caring for someone whose so cute and tiny. I see why people have multiple children, especially when the baby grows into a toddler. I'm not such a fan of older kids. hahaha
Life is still pretty overwhelming. If I take the time to stop and think about everything going on, I'll make myself crazy. I just keep trying to go day to day and minute to minute to keep the stress and anxiety at bay. But I can't complain. I love my kids, I love James and my family and friends. We have a great support system. We're all happy and healthy and that's all that matters.
- Diana
I feel like before I had Emily, I used to think a lot about the what ifs. What if me and James never got back together, what if I stayed in the mortgage industry or stayed in Orange County when I was in my mid 20's. But now I never think about that. I immediately panic that any other scenario would mean that Emily would not be here and that's just not fathomable. I can't imagine having my daughter with anyone else but James and I couldn't imagine a world where I didn't have Joli or Jamesy either. Emily has made me love life so much more than I ever did before. I try to explain it to my friends who don't have kids (yet) but it's so hard to put in words what having a child does for you and your life, in a good way! I feel so much less insecure. It's like now I know I have a purpose and what that purpose is. It's to be Emily's mom and nothing else on this planet matters more than that. As long as her and I are together we could live in a cardboard box or a mansion and I wouldn't notice or care either way. It's almost like having bad eye sight for your whole life where colors are just blurred together and you can't really tell the difference between black and purple and all of a sudden you have a baby and the colors are so much clearer. You can see every shade of black and purple. It's like a light bulb that gets brighter as soon as you have that baby. The whole world makes sense.
By the way, I've been writing this post for 3 days now. I keep getting interrupted at work and side tracked and if I'm lucky this post will be published before Emily's first birthday!
There's so much going on but I don't even know where to start so I'll just document what the little munch has been up to. She's almost walking. I mean, she can walk, she just won't do it very often. We've seen her take up to 7 steps at one time but can never get her to duplicate it so there's still no photographic evidence that she can walk. She loves to wave and say "bye" all the time, even if people aren't going anywhere. She's saying Momma a lot lately which I love!! And she's been a lot more affectionate with the family. She does get shy sometimes and will hide her head in my shoulder which I think is just adorable!! She'll give open mouth kisses. She puts her arms up way high in the air over her head when she wants to be picked up, which is often! haha She's still so happy all of the time. She sleeps through the night still which is amazing and so much appreciated. She really is an easy easy baby. The only gripe I would have is that she eats non stop. Like literally will continue to stuff her face if you keep putting food in front of it. Right now I don't even think she chews her food. She just stuffs it in and swallows and waits for the next bite! So far she hasn't choked but I'm guessing it's bound to happen if she doesn't slow her roll. She eats more than anyone in the house does and she only weighs 20 lbs!!
I still miss her while I'm working. I love my job and I'm glad I'm not a stay at home mom but some days are harder than others to leave her with her sitter. Like today for instance, I would give anything to be at home playing with her on the floor by ourselves all day. We don't get to do that often, if at all and I'm scared I'm going to regret not being with her more when she's older. Part of me is so excited and anxious to see what kind of little girl she'll grow into and the other part of me just wants her to stay a baby forever. I love babies! I love changing diapers and making bottles. I love being needed and caring for someone whose so cute and tiny. I see why people have multiple children, especially when the baby grows into a toddler. I'm not such a fan of older kids. hahaha
Life is still pretty overwhelming. If I take the time to stop and think about everything going on, I'll make myself crazy. I just keep trying to go day to day and minute to minute to keep the stress and anxiety at bay. But I can't complain. I love my kids, I love James and my family and friends. We have a great support system. We're all happy and healthy and that's all that matters.
- Diana
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
9 Months Old!
My little love muffin is 9 months old today. The time has flown by so fast and I'm glad I've been enjoying every second of it (so far). I wouldn't be surprised if she started walking tonight when I get home just because she seems to know every week and month to do something new and exciting to devastate her mom and dad into realizing she's no longer our little newborn :(
I'm so madly in love with Emily. I miss her every day now that I'm working full time. It's nice to do something other than just be around kids all day but I do miss getting stuff done around the house, the lack of stress I felt and the extra sleep I could sneak in :)
I just don't understand how other families do this day in and day out with no end in the near future. If I think about the fact that I still have 18 years before Emily will move out and me and James will finally be alone I think, shit, I won't want to be alone then. What am I going to do at almost 50!? Hopefully James and I will still be up for some fun when they're adults.
My biggest fear of having a baby and being pregnant was not knowing what to expect. Day to day I had no idea what was happening to my body and every day I worry about what will happen to Emily but so far I've gone 9 months with nothing major happening and I feel like once I hit the 1 year mark, I'll be able to breath a little. I remember being around Jamesy when he was a little over a year old and nothing happened that I couldn't handle from that point until now so I'm hoping I'll be as lucky with Emily as I've been with him. Kids stress me out!! I'm paranoid she's going to puke, choke, cry, hurt herself or worse 24/7. I feel like I need to be sedated just to get by each day with out having a panic attack worrying about all the "what ifs". I was really hoping that would have subsided after the pregnancy but now I just worry about other things.
So far James and I are on schedule to have little Ms. Em walking by 10 months. She's so close to being ready. She'll completely stand on her own, one hand supporting her. She'll go to a sitting position from standing and vice versa very easily and quickly now. She just learned to shake her head "no". It's so stinking cute!!! She doesn't know she's saying no obviously but she just shakes her head side to side. The kids and I just laugh and laugh at all the funny cute things she does.
Speaking of the kids, they are so wonderful. I'm so so lucky to have them here enjoying having a baby sister and having Emily enjoy them. She just wants to be wherever her sister is. She crawls to Joli's room ALL the time and wants to watch them play together or watch TV or play video games. She loves to hear them read and gets so giddy the minute she sees her sister or brother. She just adores them and they seem to adore her too. I feel so lucky to have them because they are a huge help when I need to switch over laundry or take a shower. Any time they'll watch Emily for me while I do other things around the house. They help pick out her clothes, help me bath her and get diapers, wipes, food, etc. whenever we ask them to. Jamesy said he's going to teach Emily how to swim, play kickball, brush her teeth without swallowing toothpaste and how to do math. He's so adorable!! And he promised his Dad that he would keep boys away from her when she gets older :)
Of course with all the love and excitement I have over being with Emily, there's the typical downside of being a mother. I constantly feel "left out" to a certain extent of just life in general. I miss being able to run to the store or get a pedicure or do anything quite frankly without having to plan three peoples schedules just to make it happen. As much as I like getting out of the house with the kids, I hate it because it's always harder to take care of a baby somewhere away from home. If she's tired, where will she sleep? If she needs to eat, where will I stop to feed her? Is there a bathroom close by in case she poops or the kids have to go? Does it have a baby changing table!!?? Will the massive stroller fit? It just goes on and on. I miss my time alone sometimes. I miss being able to come home to a quiet, empty house and just doing whatever I want to do. I know that's part of being a mom but it doesn't make it any easier. I see now why they say stay at home moms are some of the most depressed lonely people. I quickly miss adult interaction when I've been with the kids by myself for too long. I get irritated with constantly having people who need me all the time. I don't get "Hey Diana, what can I do for you today?" I get "Diana, I need...." "Diyaya, what's for dinner???" "why is there no clean laundry" "why are the dishes dirty" "Where are my parts" "Did you sell this job, make an appt.?" "Did you do this, do that, etc" It just goes on and on. I'm tempted to start saving for one of those celebrity rehab centers where they go when they're suffering from "exhaustion". I'm at such a low point feeling so worn down, that I don't even think a few hours or day away would revive me enough to keep going. I need a week off. Preferably somewhere sunny with a beach and lots of frozen drinks :)
We are going to a wedding next week in LA for one of James' cousins and Joli gets to be the flower girl. She is so so excited and I'm excited for her and for James' cousin, but all I can think about it having to travel with a baby. Having to shack up in a hotel room with a baby. Trying to find a place to make her bottles and change her diapers and feed her jars of food away from home where it's so convenient and easy. How will the five of us sleep in a hotel room with one bathroom?? I think this is going to be WAY more stressful than fun. James seems to think it's a piece of cake to have a baby anywhere so hopefully he'll be hands on Dad this trip so I can enjoy 5 minutes of it :) And that last statement upsets me....I say things like that and then immediately think it's so selfish of me. I have a baby, I have to learn to buck up and get over it and come to terms with the fact that my life is no longer mine alone and it won't ever be again. And then I beat myself up for feeling that way because somewhere inside I believe that it's okay for me to feel that way and for me to want breaks or need some time off. It's like being at a constant tug of war with my feelings. Nothing I feel is okay to feel and then I get depressed because I still feel that way regardless if it's right or wrong.
But at the end of the day, I'm very happy and I can't complain. I love love my little girl and my beautiful step kids. The three of them are the reason why I am half way decent of a person and why I work so hard. I can't wait to keep seeing how the three of them grow up and see who they'll become and what they'll do with their lives. I just hope I don't fuck them up too much along the way :)
Love, Diana
I'm so madly in love with Emily. I miss her every day now that I'm working full time. It's nice to do something other than just be around kids all day but I do miss getting stuff done around the house, the lack of stress I felt and the extra sleep I could sneak in :)
I just don't understand how other families do this day in and day out with no end in the near future. If I think about the fact that I still have 18 years before Emily will move out and me and James will finally be alone I think, shit, I won't want to be alone then. What am I going to do at almost 50!? Hopefully James and I will still be up for some fun when they're adults.
My biggest fear of having a baby and being pregnant was not knowing what to expect. Day to day I had no idea what was happening to my body and every day I worry about what will happen to Emily but so far I've gone 9 months with nothing major happening and I feel like once I hit the 1 year mark, I'll be able to breath a little. I remember being around Jamesy when he was a little over a year old and nothing happened that I couldn't handle from that point until now so I'm hoping I'll be as lucky with Emily as I've been with him. Kids stress me out!! I'm paranoid she's going to puke, choke, cry, hurt herself or worse 24/7. I feel like I need to be sedated just to get by each day with out having a panic attack worrying about all the "what ifs". I was really hoping that would have subsided after the pregnancy but now I just worry about other things.
So far James and I are on schedule to have little Ms. Em walking by 10 months. She's so close to being ready. She'll completely stand on her own, one hand supporting her. She'll go to a sitting position from standing and vice versa very easily and quickly now. She just learned to shake her head "no". It's so stinking cute!!! She doesn't know she's saying no obviously but she just shakes her head side to side. The kids and I just laugh and laugh at all the funny cute things she does.
Speaking of the kids, they are so wonderful. I'm so so lucky to have them here enjoying having a baby sister and having Emily enjoy them. She just wants to be wherever her sister is. She crawls to Joli's room ALL the time and wants to watch them play together or watch TV or play video games. She loves to hear them read and gets so giddy the minute she sees her sister or brother. She just adores them and they seem to adore her too. I feel so lucky to have them because they are a huge help when I need to switch over laundry or take a shower. Any time they'll watch Emily for me while I do other things around the house. They help pick out her clothes, help me bath her and get diapers, wipes, food, etc. whenever we ask them to. Jamesy said he's going to teach Emily how to swim, play kickball, brush her teeth without swallowing toothpaste and how to do math. He's so adorable!! And he promised his Dad that he would keep boys away from her when she gets older :)
Of course with all the love and excitement I have over being with Emily, there's the typical downside of being a mother. I constantly feel "left out" to a certain extent of just life in general. I miss being able to run to the store or get a pedicure or do anything quite frankly without having to plan three peoples schedules just to make it happen. As much as I like getting out of the house with the kids, I hate it because it's always harder to take care of a baby somewhere away from home. If she's tired, where will she sleep? If she needs to eat, where will I stop to feed her? Is there a bathroom close by in case she poops or the kids have to go? Does it have a baby changing table!!?? Will the massive stroller fit? It just goes on and on. I miss my time alone sometimes. I miss being able to come home to a quiet, empty house and just doing whatever I want to do. I know that's part of being a mom but it doesn't make it any easier. I see now why they say stay at home moms are some of the most depressed lonely people. I quickly miss adult interaction when I've been with the kids by myself for too long. I get irritated with constantly having people who need me all the time. I don't get "Hey Diana, what can I do for you today?" I get "Diana, I need...." "Diyaya, what's for dinner???" "why is there no clean laundry" "why are the dishes dirty" "Where are my parts" "Did you sell this job, make an appt.?" "Did you do this, do that, etc" It just goes on and on. I'm tempted to start saving for one of those celebrity rehab centers where they go when they're suffering from "exhaustion". I'm at such a low point feeling so worn down, that I don't even think a few hours or day away would revive me enough to keep going. I need a week off. Preferably somewhere sunny with a beach and lots of frozen drinks :)
We are going to a wedding next week in LA for one of James' cousins and Joli gets to be the flower girl. She is so so excited and I'm excited for her and for James' cousin, but all I can think about it having to travel with a baby. Having to shack up in a hotel room with a baby. Trying to find a place to make her bottles and change her diapers and feed her jars of food away from home where it's so convenient and easy. How will the five of us sleep in a hotel room with one bathroom?? I think this is going to be WAY more stressful than fun. James seems to think it's a piece of cake to have a baby anywhere so hopefully he'll be hands on Dad this trip so I can enjoy 5 minutes of it :) And that last statement upsets me....I say things like that and then immediately think it's so selfish of me. I have a baby, I have to learn to buck up and get over it and come to terms with the fact that my life is no longer mine alone and it won't ever be again. And then I beat myself up for feeling that way because somewhere inside I believe that it's okay for me to feel that way and for me to want breaks or need some time off. It's like being at a constant tug of war with my feelings. Nothing I feel is okay to feel and then I get depressed because I still feel that way regardless if it's right or wrong.
But at the end of the day, I'm very happy and I can't complain. I love love my little girl and my beautiful step kids. The three of them are the reason why I am half way decent of a person and why I work so hard. I can't wait to keep seeing how the three of them grow up and see who they'll become and what they'll do with their lives. I just hope I don't fuck them up too much along the way :)
Love, Diana
Monday, August 20, 2012
I FINALLY HAVE 5 MINUTES!!!
Wow oh wow. I can't believe I finally have 5 minutes and a computer to write a blog post! There has been so much going on that I can't even think to include but I'll put in the most important details of my little love muffin.
Emily is now 8 months old (as of last Saturday) and just the sweetest, greatest child anyone could possibly ask for. Seriously she is so perfect that I can't believe I'm so lucky to have her as my child. She is happy all the time, amazingly smart and funny and beautiful. She really is the greatest thing to happen to me and I can't wait for all the years to come and to see what kind of girl she will grow up to be. I'm hoping she will have my patience and sense of humor and her Dads smarts and self confidence.
At about 6 months she was able to sit up on her own but she wasn't a big fan of it and would make herself fall back over to her tummy or back. Shortly after that she started sprouting teeth and has her two front bottom teeth and two upper K9 teeth popping through. She didn't suffer from teething at all (so far!) No fever, no crankiness or lack of sleep or appetite. She was a trooper :) And she also around that time started to do the army crawl. She won't get up on all fours to crawl but she scoots her body with her hands and legs all over the floor. By 7 months she was a pro at it and can scoot from one part of the family room to other in a blink of an eye. Now a days she's sitting up by herself and starting to crawl the steps a little bit. She can now crawl to a standing position by holding onto the couch or a table or someone's legs. She's such a big girl and the time has just flown by. One night she figured out how to crawl two steps to the kitchen area from the family room and we all stood around watching and as soon as she made it up we started clapping and yelling and she freaked out because we were so loud and in her face that she started crying. It was so cute!
I wish I could just stop time for a little bit so I can continue to enjoy every stage that she enters. It feels like every Monday she knows she's supposed to be doing something new and she does! Before I can grasp every little change, she starts doing something else exciting. It's so fun to see but also a bummer because my little baby is no longer a baby. She is growing into a toddler quicker than I'm ready for :(
She started saying dada over and over and nana over and over at around 6 to 6 1/2 months. Now she started with actual googoo and gagas. She doesn't know she's saying anyones name but it's nice to pretend she's calling for me when I hear mamama. But she is smart enough to know if you say "where's sister" to look around the room for Joli and same with big brother and Mommy and Daddy. She loves to grab everything and I mean EVERYTHING to see what it does, feels like, tastes like, etc. And she will stick anything in her mouth that fits. She's starting to figure out the noises she can make by slamming two toys together or throwing them. She does this cute little thing with her hands and fingers like she can't believe that she's making them move a certain way. She still loves bath time and loves to smack the water and splash it all over the tub (and her Mommy!). She's always on the move. She wants to crawl everywhere and grab at everything she can. Cell phones, ipads and remote controls are her favorite :)
We started her on jar baby food a little after her 6 month mark. I had a hard time because it was so messy and proved she was a big girl so I was hesitant but it was quickly obvious to me and everyone around that she was ready for big girl food and she wants plenty of it!! She's now up to 3 or more jars per day plus her bottles in between and at bed time. She's a moose!!! I'm constantly running to the store to get more formula or baby food. But she's gotten so good at eating jar food that she doesn't even need a bib anymore.
Everything she does is so stinking adorable I can hardly take it. She wakes up happy and giggly and entertains herself in her crib until someone comes to get her. The only time she gets upset is if she's really really hungry or wants to play with something she's not supposed to play with and you take it away. I hope she will always be so happy and carefree. Wish I could say the same for myself! hahaha
Being a Mom is so much harder than I could have imagined, and that's with giving birth to the perfect child! ;) I can't imagine how other Moms handle colicky babies or multiple kids in diapers. I feel exhausted, pulled in a hundred directions and confused 99% of the day. I can't focus at work like I used to and I can't focus at home like I used to. I find myself getting irritated and depressed a lot of the time because I can't accomplish what was so easy for me a year ago, today. I also feel like I have a new priority and importance in my life that far exceeds any importance I put into other aspects of my life. Sometimes, and only sometimes, I will have a certain feeling about a situation or person and instead of keeping it to myself, I will actually verbalize my issue. Don't get me wrong, I'm still super passive aggressive and keep 90% of my issues to myself but sometimes I will buck up and say something. It's like something switched in my brain and I'm just not willing to put up with any bullshit. I'm a Mom now! I have and will continue to bear unthinkable things and new scary ventures every day of my life, I could give a rats ass about confrontation.
I feel like there's so many more milestones I'm leaving out with Emily but none of them are negative. She is so happy and smiley and lovey all the time. I love just being with her. Don't get me wrong, I could always use a break. Even the perfect baby is still a baby and it's hard work 24/7 but when I'm not with her I'm anxious to be with her and when I'm with her for an extended amount of time, I get anxious for a break! hahaha
The only negative about being a new Mom is having to come to terms with other people not loving her like I do. Obviously no one loves their child like their Mom, but I was expecting such a different response by people close to me that it's been hard to come to terms with the fact that those dreams will never be realized. Sometimes I want to tell these people to do more, see her more, offer to help and then the other part of me knows that I can't force anyone to do anything or feel a certain way. I guess at the end of the day, I just have to realize that it will be their loss because Emily is such an amazing baby girl and I get to experience every last part of her life with her while others will miss out on that relationship.
I'm hoping to be able to blog at least once a month, especially now that I'll be back to work full time in the next two weeks I should be able to get more accomplished day to day. Either that or my next blog will be a suicide note because I can't take all the responsibility. hahaha
Emily is now 8 months old (as of last Saturday) and just the sweetest, greatest child anyone could possibly ask for. Seriously she is so perfect that I can't believe I'm so lucky to have her as my child. She is happy all the time, amazingly smart and funny and beautiful. She really is the greatest thing to happen to me and I can't wait for all the years to come and to see what kind of girl she will grow up to be. I'm hoping she will have my patience and sense of humor and her Dads smarts and self confidence.
At about 6 months she was able to sit up on her own but she wasn't a big fan of it and would make herself fall back over to her tummy or back. Shortly after that she started sprouting teeth and has her two front bottom teeth and two upper K9 teeth popping through. She didn't suffer from teething at all (so far!) No fever, no crankiness or lack of sleep or appetite. She was a trooper :) And she also around that time started to do the army crawl. She won't get up on all fours to crawl but she scoots her body with her hands and legs all over the floor. By 7 months she was a pro at it and can scoot from one part of the family room to other in a blink of an eye. Now a days she's sitting up by herself and starting to crawl the steps a little bit. She can now crawl to a standing position by holding onto the couch or a table or someone's legs. She's such a big girl and the time has just flown by. One night she figured out how to crawl two steps to the kitchen area from the family room and we all stood around watching and as soon as she made it up we started clapping and yelling and she freaked out because we were so loud and in her face that she started crying. It was so cute!
I wish I could just stop time for a little bit so I can continue to enjoy every stage that she enters. It feels like every Monday she knows she's supposed to be doing something new and she does! Before I can grasp every little change, she starts doing something else exciting. It's so fun to see but also a bummer because my little baby is no longer a baby. She is growing into a toddler quicker than I'm ready for :(
She started saying dada over and over and nana over and over at around 6 to 6 1/2 months. Now she started with actual googoo and gagas. She doesn't know she's saying anyones name but it's nice to pretend she's calling for me when I hear mamama. But she is smart enough to know if you say "where's sister" to look around the room for Joli and same with big brother and Mommy and Daddy. She loves to grab everything and I mean EVERYTHING to see what it does, feels like, tastes like, etc. And she will stick anything in her mouth that fits. She's starting to figure out the noises she can make by slamming two toys together or throwing them. She does this cute little thing with her hands and fingers like she can't believe that she's making them move a certain way. She still loves bath time and loves to smack the water and splash it all over the tub (and her Mommy!). She's always on the move. She wants to crawl everywhere and grab at everything she can. Cell phones, ipads and remote controls are her favorite :)
We started her on jar baby food a little after her 6 month mark. I had a hard time because it was so messy and proved she was a big girl so I was hesitant but it was quickly obvious to me and everyone around that she was ready for big girl food and she wants plenty of it!! She's now up to 3 or more jars per day plus her bottles in between and at bed time. She's a moose!!! I'm constantly running to the store to get more formula or baby food. But she's gotten so good at eating jar food that she doesn't even need a bib anymore.
Everything she does is so stinking adorable I can hardly take it. She wakes up happy and giggly and entertains herself in her crib until someone comes to get her. The only time she gets upset is if she's really really hungry or wants to play with something she's not supposed to play with and you take it away. I hope she will always be so happy and carefree. Wish I could say the same for myself! hahaha
Being a Mom is so much harder than I could have imagined, and that's with giving birth to the perfect child! ;) I can't imagine how other Moms handle colicky babies or multiple kids in diapers. I feel exhausted, pulled in a hundred directions and confused 99% of the day. I can't focus at work like I used to and I can't focus at home like I used to. I find myself getting irritated and depressed a lot of the time because I can't accomplish what was so easy for me a year ago, today. I also feel like I have a new priority and importance in my life that far exceeds any importance I put into other aspects of my life. Sometimes, and only sometimes, I will have a certain feeling about a situation or person and instead of keeping it to myself, I will actually verbalize my issue. Don't get me wrong, I'm still super passive aggressive and keep 90% of my issues to myself but sometimes I will buck up and say something. It's like something switched in my brain and I'm just not willing to put up with any bullshit. I'm a Mom now! I have and will continue to bear unthinkable things and new scary ventures every day of my life, I could give a rats ass about confrontation.
I feel like there's so many more milestones I'm leaving out with Emily but none of them are negative. She is so happy and smiley and lovey all the time. I love just being with her. Don't get me wrong, I could always use a break. Even the perfect baby is still a baby and it's hard work 24/7 but when I'm not with her I'm anxious to be with her and when I'm with her for an extended amount of time, I get anxious for a break! hahaha
The only negative about being a new Mom is having to come to terms with other people not loving her like I do. Obviously no one loves their child like their Mom, but I was expecting such a different response by people close to me that it's been hard to come to terms with the fact that those dreams will never be realized. Sometimes I want to tell these people to do more, see her more, offer to help and then the other part of me knows that I can't force anyone to do anything or feel a certain way. I guess at the end of the day, I just have to realize that it will be their loss because Emily is such an amazing baby girl and I get to experience every last part of her life with her while others will miss out on that relationship.
I'm hoping to be able to blog at least once a month, especially now that I'll be back to work full time in the next two weeks I should be able to get more accomplished day to day. Either that or my next blog will be a suicide note because I can't take all the responsibility. hahaha
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
4 Months and 2 Weeks!
I have the best child ever! I love her so much more every day that I feel like I'm going to explode! I feel so differently about life and now my only regret is that I didn't have a baby years ago. She is my everything. I get now why people have more than 1 kid. It's addicting, like getting a tattoo. One is never enough. But...I think 3 kids in our house is plenty.
A friend of mine told me I should save all my blog posts for Emily when she gets older so she can see week to week what it was like being pregnant but at first I thought all my posts were too negative to even think about sharing with Emily. But a few days later I took some time and read through my previous posts from day 1 and even though as I wrote them I felt guilty about not being excited 100% at the time, reading them felt like I was reading someone else's experience. I read about a new mom being scared, confused and anxious about what was happening to her body and her life. I didn't hear a horrible mom. If anything I wish I could have hugged myself at that time and assured myself it was going to end up better than okay. Now I feel excited about reading these blogs to Emily one day.
Even though I'm in love with being a Mom, there are new feelings and fears every day that I just can't grasp. I have this overwhelming fear that something bad is going to happen all the time now. I'm paranoid that someone will get into a car accident or steal one of the kids. And right now I have a lot of control of where and what the kids are doing most of the time. I can't imagine what kind of fears I'll have when they are older and doing more and more things on their own. I mean, count my kids out for getting a car let alone a driver's license! And going places unsupervised??? I don't think so. Looking back, I can't believe my parents gave my sister and I such free range. Granted, we ended up okay but there were lots of times I made stupid decisions and put myself at risk of something awful happening and I just can't imagine being okay with the kids doing the same thing. Shit, I'm 31 years old and STILL making idiotic dangerous decisions. I wonder if it's illegal to hold your children hostage?
Working part time has been AMAZING! I'm so so lucky to have the chance to do this. I get to spend a few days away from the chaos of the kids and house and just focus on work and having adults around me. And then I get a few days with Emily and taking care of ME. Plus I get the weekends with the whole fam. Financially it's not making the most sense right now but I don't really care! hahaha As long as I can make it work I'm going to keep this arrangement :)
Emily is starting to do some real big kid stuff. I love to see her exploring her new abilities but it also makes me realize how big she's getting so quickly. She just found her feet the other day and can now stick her feet in her mouth! Even though it's not very hygienic it's the cutest thing in the world so I let her do it :) I can tell she's getting ready to start sitting up on her own. She can pull herself up to a point and loves to squirm around in circles on the floor or her playmat. She loves to be loud and the more she can hear herself, the louder she gets! We just fed her rice cereal for the first time last night and she seemed to take to the spoon really well. I can tell she wants to eat big kid food but I'm just not ready to start feeding her more solids until she can sit up on her own. Plus, it's messy and looks like barf. I almost dry heave just watching her Daddy feed her!
My little love is so into her big brother and sister. Every time they come into the room she just lights up. I can see in her face that she just wants to run and play with them and can't figure out why her little body isn't moving like she expects it to. I picture her doing big milestones early on because of this. She does not like to feel limited or left out of anything. She tries to get places and do things on her own but her body doesn't go anywhere.
I should have so much more to share and say since I'm only blogging once a month at this point but my mommy brain is on overdrive and I can't even remember what day it is, let alone what I want to share. All I know is thankfully beer and wine exist so that I can remain calm and open minded through this whole parenting process.
Love, Diana :)
A friend of mine told me I should save all my blog posts for Emily when she gets older so she can see week to week what it was like being pregnant but at first I thought all my posts were too negative to even think about sharing with Emily. But a few days later I took some time and read through my previous posts from day 1 and even though as I wrote them I felt guilty about not being excited 100% at the time, reading them felt like I was reading someone else's experience. I read about a new mom being scared, confused and anxious about what was happening to her body and her life. I didn't hear a horrible mom. If anything I wish I could have hugged myself at that time and assured myself it was going to end up better than okay. Now I feel excited about reading these blogs to Emily one day.
Even though I'm in love with being a Mom, there are new feelings and fears every day that I just can't grasp. I have this overwhelming fear that something bad is going to happen all the time now. I'm paranoid that someone will get into a car accident or steal one of the kids. And right now I have a lot of control of where and what the kids are doing most of the time. I can't imagine what kind of fears I'll have when they are older and doing more and more things on their own. I mean, count my kids out for getting a car let alone a driver's license! And going places unsupervised??? I don't think so. Looking back, I can't believe my parents gave my sister and I such free range. Granted, we ended up okay but there were lots of times I made stupid decisions and put myself at risk of something awful happening and I just can't imagine being okay with the kids doing the same thing. Shit, I'm 31 years old and STILL making idiotic dangerous decisions. I wonder if it's illegal to hold your children hostage?
Working part time has been AMAZING! I'm so so lucky to have the chance to do this. I get to spend a few days away from the chaos of the kids and house and just focus on work and having adults around me. And then I get a few days with Emily and taking care of ME. Plus I get the weekends with the whole fam. Financially it's not making the most sense right now but I don't really care! hahaha As long as I can make it work I'm going to keep this arrangement :)
Emily is starting to do some real big kid stuff. I love to see her exploring her new abilities but it also makes me realize how big she's getting so quickly. She just found her feet the other day and can now stick her feet in her mouth! Even though it's not very hygienic it's the cutest thing in the world so I let her do it :) I can tell she's getting ready to start sitting up on her own. She can pull herself up to a point and loves to squirm around in circles on the floor or her playmat. She loves to be loud and the more she can hear herself, the louder she gets! We just fed her rice cereal for the first time last night and she seemed to take to the spoon really well. I can tell she wants to eat big kid food but I'm just not ready to start feeding her more solids until she can sit up on her own. Plus, it's messy and looks like barf. I almost dry heave just watching her Daddy feed her!
My little love is so into her big brother and sister. Every time they come into the room she just lights up. I can see in her face that she just wants to run and play with them and can't figure out why her little body isn't moving like she expects it to. I picture her doing big milestones early on because of this. She does not like to feel limited or left out of anything. She tries to get places and do things on her own but her body doesn't go anywhere.
I should have so much more to share and say since I'm only blogging once a month at this point but my mommy brain is on overdrive and I can't even remember what day it is, let alone what I want to share. All I know is thankfully beer and wine exist so that I can remain calm and open minded through this whole parenting process.
Love, Diana :)
Monday, April 2, 2012
3 Months and 3 Weeks Old....
My little angel is changing right before my eyes. I feel like one day I'm going to turn around and she'll be walking and talking. Everyone was right! It goes by so fast....
She likes to "talk" more, mostly when she's on her playmat. James and I have started putting her in her crib that's in our room at night and she still sleeps through the night in there. She will wake up a few times for her binky but then falls right back asleep. It's nice to have our bed back but I do worry about her. Sometimes I'll wake up and just go look at her to make sure she's still breathing. hahaha.
So this week is my last week off before I go back to work. I will be starting part time which is nice and not so intimidating but I'm still a little nervous. I mean, how am I going to go back to getting the kids up and ready at the butt crack of dawn and now having a baby to take care of all while trying to get myself ready for work and getting everyone dropped off at their different day cares and then get to Lafayette by 8am!!!?? To say I feel a little overwhelmed is an understatement. I know I'll get into a routine like I have since being home with all three kids but having to add myself to the mix is going to be a challenge. I feel like I should be doing something exciting my last week off but I don't even know what to do with myself and Emily. Plus, I still have the kids to drop off and pick up every couple of hours so I can't really go anywhere. Plus, this is the week to tie up any loose ends before my life goes to chaos. I have no concept of how any person can survive as a single parent. Aside from finances, taking care of kids is hard work! I would run away if I had to do this all by myself!
Thankfully I am extremely lucky. My family may not be around on a day to day basis, but James' is. His parents and brother and sister in law are all amazing!! They take the kids for us all the time. If I ever need an afternoon to get something done or want to make plans, Nana is always there to help me out. This last weekend she took all 3 kids for a sleepover at her house! It was so nice to have a night off and sleep in bed without worrying about the baby. Only having myself to worry about in the morning. Me and James have had more date nights and alone time since Emily got here than we did before! It's made every transition I've been going through so much easier. I feel bad for my family though. Not seeing Emily on a weekly basis would be torture for me! I know she's my baby and I'm biased that she's perfect but I just don't get how my parents don't see her more. She's their first born grandchild and she's pretty amazing if I may say so myself. But it is what it is and Emily has LOTS of people who love her and she is very lucky to have so many great people in her life.
Emotionally I've been feeling a lot better. I think I've been very lucky to have a nice balance in my life of fun and responsibility. I make sure to go out with my friends when I know I need to and James and I have lots of great times together too, plus we do lots of great family stuff. I feel pretty secure with my choices and how things are turning out.
The best thing ever was everyone in the house got sick. The kids had awful fevers for days and really bad colds. Jamesy even threw up a few times. Then James got it and I was next. Every minute I felt like crap was clouded with fear that Emily was next. But amazingly enough, after 2 weeks we are all better and she never showed any signs of a cold :) How lucky am I!? I know I can't avoid it forever but my anxiety and fear of the family being sick makes me physically sick so I was happy to avoid it this time around.
Emily shows signs of a personality every day. She's more alert and happy and is starting to hold her toys a little bit. I can tell she wants to get up and start walking and doing her own thing but her body won't move with her. I can't wait to see how she grows :)
Love, Diana :)
She likes to "talk" more, mostly when she's on her playmat. James and I have started putting her in her crib that's in our room at night and she still sleeps through the night in there. She will wake up a few times for her binky but then falls right back asleep. It's nice to have our bed back but I do worry about her. Sometimes I'll wake up and just go look at her to make sure she's still breathing. hahaha.
So this week is my last week off before I go back to work. I will be starting part time which is nice and not so intimidating but I'm still a little nervous. I mean, how am I going to go back to getting the kids up and ready at the butt crack of dawn and now having a baby to take care of all while trying to get myself ready for work and getting everyone dropped off at their different day cares and then get to Lafayette by 8am!!!?? To say I feel a little overwhelmed is an understatement. I know I'll get into a routine like I have since being home with all three kids but having to add myself to the mix is going to be a challenge. I feel like I should be doing something exciting my last week off but I don't even know what to do with myself and Emily. Plus, I still have the kids to drop off and pick up every couple of hours so I can't really go anywhere. Plus, this is the week to tie up any loose ends before my life goes to chaos. I have no concept of how any person can survive as a single parent. Aside from finances, taking care of kids is hard work! I would run away if I had to do this all by myself!
Thankfully I am extremely lucky. My family may not be around on a day to day basis, but James' is. His parents and brother and sister in law are all amazing!! They take the kids for us all the time. If I ever need an afternoon to get something done or want to make plans, Nana is always there to help me out. This last weekend she took all 3 kids for a sleepover at her house! It was so nice to have a night off and sleep in bed without worrying about the baby. Only having myself to worry about in the morning. Me and James have had more date nights and alone time since Emily got here than we did before! It's made every transition I've been going through so much easier. I feel bad for my family though. Not seeing Emily on a weekly basis would be torture for me! I know she's my baby and I'm biased that she's perfect but I just don't get how my parents don't see her more. She's their first born grandchild and she's pretty amazing if I may say so myself. But it is what it is and Emily has LOTS of people who love her and she is very lucky to have so many great people in her life.
Emotionally I've been feeling a lot better. I think I've been very lucky to have a nice balance in my life of fun and responsibility. I make sure to go out with my friends when I know I need to and James and I have lots of great times together too, plus we do lots of great family stuff. I feel pretty secure with my choices and how things are turning out.
The best thing ever was everyone in the house got sick. The kids had awful fevers for days and really bad colds. Jamesy even threw up a few times. Then James got it and I was next. Every minute I felt like crap was clouded with fear that Emily was next. But amazingly enough, after 2 weeks we are all better and she never showed any signs of a cold :) How lucky am I!? I know I can't avoid it forever but my anxiety and fear of the family being sick makes me physically sick so I was happy to avoid it this time around.
Emily shows signs of a personality every day. She's more alert and happy and is starting to hold her toys a little bit. I can tell she wants to get up and start walking and doing her own thing but her body won't move with her. I can't wait to see how she grows :)
Love, Diana :)
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