Note to reader: This post is going to be filled with foul language and lots of anger. If you're easily offended please do not read!
What the fuck!? What the fuck!!!??? Today is shit. Absolute shit. It's days like this that I wish I could get in my car and run away. Never talk to anyone again or see anyone again. I'm starting to hate everyone. Everyone who gets 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Everyone who only has themselves to worry about on a daily basis. I'm starting to hate these children who are so fucking needy. As if it isn't bad enough that I have a fucking infant in my arms at all hours of the day and night but I can't keep track of the other two on top of it. Today I spent all morning/afternoon getting stuff for Joli's 8th birthday, which is tomorrow. I was so proud of myself for even remembering that she had a birthday, let alone being able to get to the store to buy gifts and cake mix to make for her tomorrow. Forward to me driving home when I realize, "shit, I forgot cupcakes for her class tomorrow!!" Normally, I would of said fuck it and she's not bringing anything but I can't really do that. Of course Emily was only good enough for one go around at a store so she screamed the whole time I went back for the cupcakes.
Speaking of the devil child, what kind of sicko finally lets you sleep for 4 hours but then starts screaming at 3:30am to be fed, only to eat 1 oz of formula before passing back out!!!!??? I'll tell you, the same sicko who then in turn wakes up as you're getting back into bed for another oz and then stays awake for another hour while you're trying to fall asleep. 1 oz!!?? Really Emily?? You couldn't let your poor exhausted Mother get some much needed sleep for 1 fucking oz??? In my defense, she eats 4 oz at every feeding so to waste my time with 1 oz is the most irritating thing in the world.
After my lack of sleep last night, I had to run around all day so no nap for me until the kids were picked up and home from school. So I'm trying to keep Emily awake so she'll sleep with me but no go. So I fed her before finally taking a nap at 3:30pm and told the kids to be quiet while we slept. I should have been more specific....instead of hearing them talk the whole time, they're throwing toys and stomping back and forth from room to room. And as soon as I finally dose off Emily is wide awake and screaming for more food. And of course she only took 1 oz before passing out again but tough shit for me! I'm already up and not falling back asleep. As my groggy ass is starting dinner for the kids because I agreed to do dinner and showers tonight because James is having such a rough day (which now pales in comparison to my rough day), I realize that today was Joli's art class she was supposed to go after school that cost us $100 and I completely forgot!!!! Plus, she has a big project due on Friday that she's barely started and James wants me to help her on. Oh and to add insult to injury I had an upset stomach all day and little miss fussy pants refuses to be left alone so I got to take her to all my bathroom visits with me. I think you officially lose all dignity once you're holding your child while dropping the kids off at the pool......FML!!
And all I can think about is how the hell is this house going to survive once I go back to work and there is no one home during the day. Not like Emily lets me get a lot done but I do get to do the dishes at least once and can occasionally trade out a load of laundry or vacuum a room. And NORMALLY I can constantly check the fridge the see what's going on with that week with the kids. However, I am at a point where a serious discussion of putting the older kids back in daycare ASAP is much needed.
Days like this I wish I was 20 something again, living alone and not having anyone to worry about but myself. Then again, as soon as I wish that I feel guilty and ultimately can't imagine a day without my family. But cheese and rice this is bullshit!!
So my piece of advice to anyone who treasures their alone time, is never ever have kids. They're cute and lovable but needy as all hell and unless one of them makes a million dollars and supports me in lavish homes and cars in my old age, I don't see where all this hassle is worth it.....
As for Emily, she's perfect of course! As much as she drives me crazy, I can't complain. She's not colic or allergic to her formula. She only poops every other day. I know I have it easy compared to other parents but it doesn't make my days any easier. She still doesn't do much but eat and sleep. I still love her and think she's the cutest thing in the world though. I just hate her right now :)
With irritation and a cold beer in hand to cope,
Diana :/
P.S. This is strictly a rant. Of course there's good times and happy days and I worship everyone in my life. They are the reason I get up every day.
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