It started when my sister came into town on Friday the 17th. She said "I'm not here to chit chat, I wanna meet my niece, let's get her out!" So Saturday night we went to Skipolini's in Walnut Creek for their famous preggo pizza. I had been feeling really anxious and weird all day but I ate a couple of slices and went to bed. I talked about all the things I wanted to get done before the baby got here thinking I had plenty of time because I didn't think she would come on her own. I was dead set that I would have to be induced. Forward to about 2am and I started waking up with mild pain (probably contractions) but at the time I just thought it was gas. I fell back asleep and awoke from my cat meowing in my face at 4am and immediately as I was waking up I felt my water break. Well, for a minute I thought I had pee'd in my pants so I jumped up and ran to the bathroom but I kept leaking and leaking and quickly realized that my water had broken. I wasn't having any contractions at that time and since the water just kept on coming, I waited in the bathroom for about 20 minutes before finally getting up and waking James. He jumped out of bed and my sister who was staying the night woke up to us moving around and talking and came in to check and we told her it was time.
First things first, I had to take a quick shower to shave my legs. I wasn't about to give birth without doing that first! We took our time, everyone showered and dressed and got ready. My mom met us at our house and we all went to the hospital at about 5:30am. Of course, we made a pit stop at Starbucks :) It was hours before the contractions were bad enough for me to start moaning and groaning in pain but once they started to get bad, it felt like mere minutes before I was in excruciating pain. Of course there was a lot of people in the room which made me feel a little uncomfortable but soon the pain was too bad for me to care who or what else was going on. At one point everyone left to get food and take breaks and my Mom and step Mom stayed behind to help me through the contractions. I could not have done it without them!! I decided to get the epidural once I reached 4 cm and it was about 4 or 5pm in the evening. Once I asked for it, it took a while to get and the pain at that point was just unbearable!! But I was getting through it. I was breathing and closing my eyes and trying to focus on the fact that I was doing this. I didn't die like I felt like I would. I wasn't having panic attacks like I was worried about for the last 9 months. I was just getting through minute to minute.
After the epidural I don't remember much but feeling like only minutes went by before I was dilated 7 cm. I texted James to come back in the room at that point and then it was hazy until I was told I was at 9 cm and it was time to get ready to push. I was pretty terrified at this point and I may have cried for a minute or two saying I didn't want to push and that I wasn't ready for her to get here yet, but I knew I had no choice. Being completely numb I wasn't sure how to push or what it would feel like. The nurses came in with stirrups and I had my sister, my mom, James and James' mom in the room with me. At this point, I didn't want to see anything going on. I kept my eyes closed, focused on what the nurse was telling me to do and just thought, again, about how I was actually doing this. I was going to give birth to a baby one way or another and there was no turning back time now. After an hour of pushing I was starting to get really really tired and felt like I couldn't do it anymore. There was no way my body was going to let me push one more time. But miraculously the nurse told me to push, my sister held one leg and James held the other and everyone just kept cheering me on telling me I was doing it and she was coming. That was my motivation, hearing people tell me that I was doing it right because she was coming. Another hour went by and lots of tears and me feeling like giving up before one final push and I heard "she's here, she's here!" They laid her on my chest for a few seconds before taking her and cleaning her up. All I could do was cry and cry. My baby was here and I got her here and the relief I felt was just indescribable. I still cry just thinking about it today. I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I am really really proud of myself. I've spent so much time agonizing over what that day would be like and it ended up being the easiest part of the pregnancy! Well...until the epidural wore off :) But I had this beautiful baby girl in front of me. I finally got to see what Emily looked like and her cute little nose, chin and hair. She did have a good amount of hair but nothing like what I was expecting after all the heart burn.
The minute she came into this world, my anxiety and uncomfortableness vanished. She has quickly become the most important thing in my life and I am so in love with her. She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was 20 inches long. She was born at 7:52pm on Sunday, the 18th to the worlds luckiest parents. I'm so so madly in love with James. He is such a great father and she already adores him. I feel closer to him than I ever have and now that she's here, I know I picked the best Dad in the world to have a baby with.
Of course there's a little anxiety on my part. Being a new mom is more nerve wracking than when Joli and Jamesy came into my life. They were able to use words to let me know what they were and weren't comfortable with and with Emily it's a whole new ballgame. I cry when she cries because I feel bad that I'm not making her happy. I'm having a lot of guilt about not breast feeding but unfortunately it just didn't work for me. It was hard at first to see how calm she could be with her Daddy and not with me. But everyday I'm adjusting more and more and becoming comfortable with her and with my mothering skills. I love feeding time because she'll just stare into my eyes. I love falling asleep on the couch with her in my arms. I love changing her little diapers (I'm sure that will change quickly!) and I even love her cry.
Love, Diana
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