I'm slowly losing my mind. Like, officially, slowly.going.insane. I see myself either ending up in a straight jacket or committing homicide in the near future. I think if I hear one more person tell me how "beautiful" or "magical" pregnancy is and what a gift it is, I will cut them. I imagine that some people must actually enjoy being pregnant or feel good during their pregnancies and that's why they continue to have kids. But personally, this sucks! It has been a sucky experience and I will not, I repeat NOT be doing this again. Honestly, if the world were about to end and my uterus was the only hope of keeping the human race alive, we'd be screwed as I would refuse to house another child in my body.
This week has been especially rough to put it mildly. My hormones are raging like a crazy woman. I keep having these urges of just screaming and yelling and whipping my hair around wildly until I get someones attention. I've been crying a lot and just feeling depressed. These last 2 months might just kill me. I might actually drop dead from being pregnant. I wonder if that's ever happened before?? I'm thinking that maybe my lack of sleep is what's causing these crazy feelings. There's a pain in my upper left side that never goes away. It gets so bad during the day that I can barely breath. My back "went out" if that's what you call it. I can barely walk or shower. And then there's the night I really thought I was dying. I was up for the last 3 nights in a row with the worse heartburn known to mankind. I had been having nose bleeds all day that day and after I finally dosed off for maybe 30 minutes or so I awoke to the most awful taste in my mouth and throat. It was the taste of pure blood, but a lot of it. And mixed with the acid taste threw me into a panic. I ran to the sink and my nose was bleeding everywhere. I seriously thought for a minute that I was bleeding internally and if I had chose to "spit up" it would have been just blood. So of course my body goes into panic mode and I can't even see straight or hear anything. I just know that I'm dying and am at this point contemplating calling 911. I tried to remain calm and convince myself that it was just the nose bleed that had bled down my throat and after a few minutes, I was able to get my breath back and start to calm down. It took me another 2 hours to fall back asleep after that incident and I'm still pretty shaken up. I know, in hindsight, it was ridiculous but maybe because I was so tired or not feeling good, it just honestly felt like the end of the road for me. I was convinced me and my baby were bleeding to death.
I see the Dr. on Monday and I'm pretty sure I haven't gained anymore crazy weight. Especially because the heartburn is so bad all day long that it makes it hard to eat, let alone enjoy anything I'm eating. James and I switched mattresses from the guest bed to our bed and now that is more comfortable. But my body is finding alternate ways to keep me up all night. The worse part of this week has been work. My Dad went on vacation and so I was pretty much left in charge. I've done it before and didn't think it would be a big deal, but we ended up having a very busy week and me being pregnant and uncomfortable made this week completely unbearable. Between having to climb in big trucks and tiny cars to give customers rides every 5 minutes to jumping up and down from my chair to find out what the guys were doing. It was a real handful and probably not the best idea for how pregnant I am. I will definitely be going on vacation the next time he does and let someone else run this zoo. I'm very easily stressed these days and really should be taking better care of myself, but I also stress about what would happen if I wasn't working as much. I know I'm stressed at work too much these days but if I cut back on my hours and pay that would stress me out too. So I've got to figure out a happy balance, if that even exists before my head literally blows up.
There is some good stuff on the horizon though. This weekend is packed with girls' nights and a Halloween party. I'm hoping getting out and being social for a few days will help me get out of this funk. The kids and I will carve our pumpkins this weekend and maybe I can get myself to work some more on Emily's room. But most likely due to how exhausted I am both physically and mentally, I will probably just lay in bed staring at the ceiling wondering "what the hell just happened".
HOW FAR ALONG: 31 weeks (baby is over 16 inches long and probably weighs close to 4 pds if she's not there already)
SLEEP: Ha!
FOOD CRAVINGS: I usually crave something different every day and as long as I don't indulge in that craving it will disappear within hours.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Falling in love with this child to have some sort of feeling that this was all worth it. Plus, she's moving around so much and sometimes I can feel part of her body sticking out from my stomach so I'm really curious to see what she's all about.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: The next 2 months. I'm going to seriously inquire about inducing early.
Love, Diana
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
30 Weeks
I'm not sure how to describe how I've been feeling lately. I really don't like being pregnant though. It feels like I constantly have to worry about what I'm doing, eating, how I'm sleeping, etc. And I'm just generally uncomfortable all the time. My upper stomach is numb, which apparently my Dr. has never heard before but doesn't seemed too concerned about. I have this horrible pain in my side around my ribs that feels like someone is stabbing me and it lasts for hours and hours. The indigestion feels like it's permanently burned a hole in my throat.
I had an unpleasant check up on Monday. Apparently, I'm gaining too much weight too quickly. My Dr. told me to calm down on the eating :( I was so upset when he said this and when I saw that I've put on 5 pds. in two weeks mostly because I'm so miserable, food is the only thing that keeps me remotely happy and to have to "slow down" on pigging out just reminds me of how much I really don't like any of this. I cried and cried and cried and now I feel guilty for anything I eat that I know is high in calories or not healthy. But the other part of me is like "f it!" I get 2 months left and I want to eat whatever I want to eat! But I'm trying to slow down because I know I'll gorge when Halloween and Thanksgiving get here so I need to save some of my pigging out for those two holidays and hopefully my weight gain will slow down a little....Other than that I'm healthy and the baby is healthy but not having any more ultra sounds is making me a little nervous. I can't see her and I don't know what's going on in there. What does she look like? Is she okay? Does she have enough room? I think the Dr. said he can start doing measurements to guesstimate her weight when I'm at 36 weeks so just a little longer and I'll be able to get prepared to give birth to a 20 pd. baby. The one cool thing about my appt. was that there was a Dad there with his 6 week old baby girl. She was SO cute and just slept in his arms and he was telling me a little bit of what I can expect when Emily gets here. But then she started crying, crying like she was being murdered. Apparently she just needed a diaper change but that cry was enough to make me cry. It just was scary realizing that I'll be responsible for a little person and I'll need to know which cry means what and the situation just overwhelmed me beyond belief. I wasn't expecting myself to react that way.
The baby shower is getting close and I am SO excited!! I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate this little muffin in my bellly. I know my sister has been planning up a storm so I can't wait to see what she's done. And we've gotten all the big items now so I feel a lot less stressed. Granted, her crib is still in pieces in the middle of her room but we'll get to it eventually :) I've gotten her stroller, high chair, car seat and playpen and crib. I'm going to use the playpen as her bassinet in our bedroom since it has a little bed thing that sits at the top and is easy to pack up and move.
I feel bad that I bitch a lot about being pregnant. I guess I'm just not good at sharing my body with someone but having James and the kids around reminds me to be happy and excited about a new little one coming into our lives. Joli kisses and hugs my belly all the time and she drew some really cute pictures for Emily to give to her when she gets here. She also wrote her a note that says she loves Emily and she is the best sister ever! I cried it was so sweet. And the baby totally reacts to her Daddy. Any time he's talking in the room or touches my stomach she goes nuts squirming and kicking. Maybe she's already a Daddy's girl....or maybe she just can't stand how loud he is like her Mommy. haha. Either way it's really cute!
All the typical pregnancy stuff that I was hoping was long gone is back in full force. I always feel like crying and if I don't feel like crying, then I actually am crying. I'm also really irritable. Everything gets on my nerves and I can't seem to calm down or relax for two minutes without something annoying me. I can't get comfortable which is annoying and probably what's causing me to be so irritable since I can't get comfortable for 5 minutes. My therapist keeps telling me to stop with the "what if's" but it's hard not to worry 24/7 about what could happen. What if she's a huge crier and I can't handle it and lose my temper? What if she doesn't like me? What if I don't like her?? What if I get post postpartum? What if there's complications when she's born? I know I can't control the "what if's" even if they were to happen but that doesn't stop me from worrying about them anyways. I keep a picture of me on my 1st birthday on my desk at work and look at it often to try and remind myself that I'll have a mini me soon who I'll love and will look like me (maybe) but all I see is her messy face from stuffing it with chocolate cake and wonder "How can I handle all that mess?" I guess you could say I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 30 weeks (she's probably almost 16 inches long and well over 3 pds)
SLEEP: I know I'm not getting as much as I'd like at this point but I have to realize pretty quickly that I'll soon be getting NO sleep with Emily here.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Food = guilt! That doesn't stop me from eating just makes me feel bad the whole time.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: A break. From work, from life and responsibility. Oh, that's not going to happen??
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: The closer my due date gets, the more I'm starting to worry about labor again. I'm trying to stay positive but I think I'm really just being unrealistic in my expectations.
Love, Diana :)
I had an unpleasant check up on Monday. Apparently, I'm gaining too much weight too quickly. My Dr. told me to calm down on the eating :( I was so upset when he said this and when I saw that I've put on 5 pds. in two weeks mostly because I'm so miserable, food is the only thing that keeps me remotely happy and to have to "slow down" on pigging out just reminds me of how much I really don't like any of this. I cried and cried and cried and now I feel guilty for anything I eat that I know is high in calories or not healthy. But the other part of me is like "f it!" I get 2 months left and I want to eat whatever I want to eat! But I'm trying to slow down because I know I'll gorge when Halloween and Thanksgiving get here so I need to save some of my pigging out for those two holidays and hopefully my weight gain will slow down a little....Other than that I'm healthy and the baby is healthy but not having any more ultra sounds is making me a little nervous. I can't see her and I don't know what's going on in there. What does she look like? Is she okay? Does she have enough room? I think the Dr. said he can start doing measurements to guesstimate her weight when I'm at 36 weeks so just a little longer and I'll be able to get prepared to give birth to a 20 pd. baby. The one cool thing about my appt. was that there was a Dad there with his 6 week old baby girl. She was SO cute and just slept in his arms and he was telling me a little bit of what I can expect when Emily gets here. But then she started crying, crying like she was being murdered. Apparently she just needed a diaper change but that cry was enough to make me cry. It just was scary realizing that I'll be responsible for a little person and I'll need to know which cry means what and the situation just overwhelmed me beyond belief. I wasn't expecting myself to react that way.
The baby shower is getting close and I am SO excited!! I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate this little muffin in my bellly. I know my sister has been planning up a storm so I can't wait to see what she's done. And we've gotten all the big items now so I feel a lot less stressed. Granted, her crib is still in pieces in the middle of her room but we'll get to it eventually :) I've gotten her stroller, high chair, car seat and playpen and crib. I'm going to use the playpen as her bassinet in our bedroom since it has a little bed thing that sits at the top and is easy to pack up and move.
I feel bad that I bitch a lot about being pregnant. I guess I'm just not good at sharing my body with someone but having James and the kids around reminds me to be happy and excited about a new little one coming into our lives. Joli kisses and hugs my belly all the time and she drew some really cute pictures for Emily to give to her when she gets here. She also wrote her a note that says she loves Emily and she is the best sister ever! I cried it was so sweet. And the baby totally reacts to her Daddy. Any time he's talking in the room or touches my stomach she goes nuts squirming and kicking. Maybe she's already a Daddy's girl....or maybe she just can't stand how loud he is like her Mommy. haha. Either way it's really cute!
All the typical pregnancy stuff that I was hoping was long gone is back in full force. I always feel like crying and if I don't feel like crying, then I actually am crying. I'm also really irritable. Everything gets on my nerves and I can't seem to calm down or relax for two minutes without something annoying me. I can't get comfortable which is annoying and probably what's causing me to be so irritable since I can't get comfortable for 5 minutes. My therapist keeps telling me to stop with the "what if's" but it's hard not to worry 24/7 about what could happen. What if she's a huge crier and I can't handle it and lose my temper? What if she doesn't like me? What if I don't like her?? What if I get post postpartum? What if there's complications when she's born? I know I can't control the "what if's" even if they were to happen but that doesn't stop me from worrying about them anyways. I keep a picture of me on my 1st birthday on my desk at work and look at it often to try and remind myself that I'll have a mini me soon who I'll love and will look like me (maybe) but all I see is her messy face from stuffing it with chocolate cake and wonder "How can I handle all that mess?" I guess you could say I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 30 weeks (she's probably almost 16 inches long and well over 3 pds)
SLEEP: I know I'm not getting as much as I'd like at this point but I have to realize pretty quickly that I'll soon be getting NO sleep with Emily here.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Food = guilt! That doesn't stop me from eating just makes me feel bad the whole time.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: A break. From work, from life and responsibility. Oh, that's not going to happen??
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: The closer my due date gets, the more I'm starting to worry about labor again. I'm trying to stay positive but I think I'm really just being unrealistic in my expectations.
Love, Diana :)
Friday, October 7, 2011
Week 29.........Uh I'm having a baby?
I know it's a little late to start freaking out that I'm going to be a Mom, but I'm freaking out!!! All of a sudden I went from "I have 9 months to get ready for this" to "Holy shit, I'm going to have a kid in a matter of weeks". The good news is I'm not freaking out about giving birth as much as I was before. Mostly because my life has become so stressful and busy that I'm looking forward to having some time off to just focus on one thing. Sure, it might be a screaming, hungry, poopy baby that requires every second of my time but it's only one thing I have to worry about instead of 5 million.
I was really hoping that the 3rd trimester would be like the 2nd and I would still feel good most of the time, yada yada. But I'm not feeling good. At all! And I've been super cranky lately. I just can't seem to handle anything remotely irritating. My job is on my last nerve, customers are on my last nerve, I'm just done. I'm uncomfortable all the time and if I'm not suffering from a massive headache, it's the indigestion that kills me or back pain or chest pain. I'm actually really really happy that I have this blog now so that if I ever get the "itch" again I can just read these entries to remind myself of why I will never be pregnant again. If all these things just affected me than maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but my attitude affects everyone around me and that part I don't like so much.
Happy baby stuff......My mom got us a crib and last weekend I decided to put it together. Well since there's no room in Emily's room to put together a big crib, I opted to do it in our empty living room so I'd have tons of space. Bad idea....I managed to get the crib put together with out too many screw ups (thanks to James!) and we go to put it in the bedroom and realize it doesn't fit through the hallway. After some smart thinking on our parts, we figure out a way to make it fit thru the hallways. Crisis averted! Or not....the crib would not fit in the doorway to the bedroom no matter how we moved it. We realized quickly in the middle of the hallway that the crib would have to be taken apart to put in the room and then be put back together. I almost cried I was so irritated and James was mad because he had told me I should put it together in her room and I didn't listen. So after ruining the walls and the crib, we got it apart and it's now sitting in pieces in Emily's room. She's sleeping on the floor....And my Dad got us a bunch of big items off our registry. The play pen and high chair were delivered yesterday and today the stroller is being delivered. We should get the car seat next week. They're all in boxes and need to be put together and after the debacle with the crib I don't even want to see another allen wrench for as long as I live. But I'm still very excited to see it all set up and ready to go and hopefully we can get through building them without as much drama :)
Emily is still kicking a lot and it's getting weird because even when I'm just sitting down or standing up even, I can see my stomach move from her moving. It's kinda creepy but I'm getting used to it. She already loves her Daddy! As soon as he starts talking to her or touches my stomach she wakes right up and kicks and kicks. Joli got to feel her kick once but as soon as I speak up to get someones attention that she's kicking, she stops. So it makes it difficult for me to share with others. Now that I'm getting so big, I worry about keeping her safe. My big belly bumps into everything and I'm paranoid that I'm going to hurt her on accident. I'm also starting to get that whole Mom worry thing. Everyone always says they just want a healthy baby and I honestly hadn't given that any thought until now. But I'm sure I'll have the rest of my life as a Mommy to worry about her.
And now a short request to toilet makers around the world.....STOP MAKING MIDGET TOILETS!!! Being almost 5'10 and having to pee 26 times a day with a basketball in your stomach is already challenging enough. The toilets in my house are seriously made for little people. I can BARELY get on and off them as it is and I can only imagine this getting worse the bigger I get. I might have to start going in our yard like the neighborhood cats.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 29 weeks (baby is getting big, probably at 3 to 3.5 pds and over 15 inches long)
SLEEP: I wish.....
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm hungry all the time but nothing sounds appetizing. Plus the 24/7 indigestion makes it hard to pig out.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Again, mostly time off work at this point. I need a serious break and I'm too easily stressed at this point in the pregnancy.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Putting together any more furniture or baby gear. But I'm crazy and will have them all done by next weekend.
Love, Diana :)
I was really hoping that the 3rd trimester would be like the 2nd and I would still feel good most of the time, yada yada. But I'm not feeling good. At all! And I've been super cranky lately. I just can't seem to handle anything remotely irritating. My job is on my last nerve, customers are on my last nerve, I'm just done. I'm uncomfortable all the time and if I'm not suffering from a massive headache, it's the indigestion that kills me or back pain or chest pain. I'm actually really really happy that I have this blog now so that if I ever get the "itch" again I can just read these entries to remind myself of why I will never be pregnant again. If all these things just affected me than maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but my attitude affects everyone around me and that part I don't like so much.
Happy baby stuff......My mom got us a crib and last weekend I decided to put it together. Well since there's no room in Emily's room to put together a big crib, I opted to do it in our empty living room so I'd have tons of space. Bad idea....I managed to get the crib put together with out too many screw ups (thanks to James!) and we go to put it in the bedroom and realize it doesn't fit through the hallway. After some smart thinking on our parts, we figure out a way to make it fit thru the hallways. Crisis averted! Or not....the crib would not fit in the doorway to the bedroom no matter how we moved it. We realized quickly in the middle of the hallway that the crib would have to be taken apart to put in the room and then be put back together. I almost cried I was so irritated and James was mad because he had told me I should put it together in her room and I didn't listen. So after ruining the walls and the crib, we got it apart and it's now sitting in pieces in Emily's room. She's sleeping on the floor....And my Dad got us a bunch of big items off our registry. The play pen and high chair were delivered yesterday and today the stroller is being delivered. We should get the car seat next week. They're all in boxes and need to be put together and after the debacle with the crib I don't even want to see another allen wrench for as long as I live. But I'm still very excited to see it all set up and ready to go and hopefully we can get through building them without as much drama :)
Emily is still kicking a lot and it's getting weird because even when I'm just sitting down or standing up even, I can see my stomach move from her moving. It's kinda creepy but I'm getting used to it. She already loves her Daddy! As soon as he starts talking to her or touches my stomach she wakes right up and kicks and kicks. Joli got to feel her kick once but as soon as I speak up to get someones attention that she's kicking, she stops. So it makes it difficult for me to share with others. Now that I'm getting so big, I worry about keeping her safe. My big belly bumps into everything and I'm paranoid that I'm going to hurt her on accident. I'm also starting to get that whole Mom worry thing. Everyone always says they just want a healthy baby and I honestly hadn't given that any thought until now. But I'm sure I'll have the rest of my life as a Mommy to worry about her.
And now a short request to toilet makers around the world.....STOP MAKING MIDGET TOILETS!!! Being almost 5'10 and having to pee 26 times a day with a basketball in your stomach is already challenging enough. The toilets in my house are seriously made for little people. I can BARELY get on and off them as it is and I can only imagine this getting worse the bigger I get. I might have to start going in our yard like the neighborhood cats.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 29 weeks (baby is getting big, probably at 3 to 3.5 pds and over 15 inches long)
SLEEP: I wish.....
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm hungry all the time but nothing sounds appetizing. Plus the 24/7 indigestion makes it hard to pig out.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Again, mostly time off work at this point. I need a serious break and I'm too easily stressed at this point in the pregnancy.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Putting together any more furniture or baby gear. But I'm crazy and will have them all done by next weekend.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Week 27/28.....YAY THIRD TRIMESTER!!!
I can't believe I've made it this far!!! I thought for sure I would have just dropped dead from anxiety or stress by now, but I made it! Now I'm in the final stretch and just so excited to meet Emily and to see what she looks like. Hold her and kiss her and see her personality! AH! I'm so excited!
Well I completely forgot to blog last week but nothing exciting happened anyways. This week however has been a different story. I started off Monday with an appt. to see my OB for my monthly check up. It....was not good. Well, my Dr.'s fine but I'm not happy. I've gained a total of 19 pounds since I got pregnant and am measuring between 29 and 30 weeks when I should just be at 28. He said it's not a big deal at this point and it's okay that I'm putting on some pounds but I'm a wreck! And the worse part is I can't stop eating. I'm hungry all the time and everything sounds good to me. I'm hoping I don't do too much damage these next 2 months, but with the holidays around the corner I'm a little nervous. At the same time, I kinda don't care. hahaha I just want to enjoy what part of this pregnancy I can and with all the ailments I've had, I think I deserve to eat what I want, when I want for the next few months :)
Other than that shock of weight gain news on Monday, I've been having a great week! My Momma is in town visiting and staying with us and what a relief it is to have some help! I feel like I'm exploding with stress, why I don't exactly know, but having my Mom here is such a help. She's been great with the kids and she gets them up and dressed in the mornings and makes them breakfast. She helps with teeth at bedtime and reads them stories before bed. They love having her here and it's so nice to have a break from the day to day grind. I'm going to be so sad when she leaves tomorrow and I know the kids will be bummed that Grandma Sue isn't there to stuff them with goodies and buy them toys. hahaha The night she got here we spent some time organizing Emily's room with all her clothes and shoes and goodies. I can't believe how much stuff I have already! And Grandma Sue ordered the crib so I should be getting that tomorrow or next week and I'm super excited to put it together and get her room going :) It's also a little scary to know that I'll be responsible for this little life and she'll be in this room sooner than I think. I just hope I can juggle it all without any major catastrophes. And if it weren't for James, I would be 20 times more nervous. But knowing he's done this twice already and his kids survived gives me hope that Emily will be okay too :)
The downsides to my pregnancy are still rampant. I'm getting really bad headaches once a week and the indigestion is as bad as ever. I should seriously buy some stock in Zantac. I found out I'm anemic so I've been having to take iron supplements along with my prenatals. And the kicking!!! I know it's good that she's moving so much but I just want a break. She keeps finding my bladder and it's like she knows it's a no no zone and just pounds away at it. Now when I lay down and she moves, my stomach moves like a body of water and you can see it. It's kinda creepy but also neat. It's like she knows when she's kicking and I want someone to see it or feel it because as soon as I start talking she stops. So anytime I try to have my Mom or James or the kids feel it, as soon as I say "hey, check it out she's kicking" she stops and I look like an idiot. Figures....
Last Sunday I declared Pamper Diana Day and I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon of some personal TLC. I got a pedicure, my finger nails painted, my eyebrows waxed and a prenatal massage. It was so nice and relaxing except for the fact that Emily kicked me VIOLENTLY the entire massage which made it a little hard to relax. But it was still a great way to spend my day and I loved every second of it!
HOW FAR ALONG: 28 weeks (baby is about 15 inches long and weighs 2-3 pds.)
SLEEP: Indigestion, hip pain and leg cramps = no sleep
FOOD CRAVINGS: I think I'm leaning more towards salty things than sweet. But I don't discriminate, I'll eat anything :)
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Taking time off work to enjoy my little bundle and take the kids to and from school. I love how the kids kiss and hug my belly. They are so excited to have a little sister!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Gaining any more weight!!! But I'm also not willing to eat less....so, we'll see how that works :)
Love, Diana :)
Well I completely forgot to blog last week but nothing exciting happened anyways. This week however has been a different story. I started off Monday with an appt. to see my OB for my monthly check up. It....was not good. Well, my Dr.'s fine but I'm not happy. I've gained a total of 19 pounds since I got pregnant and am measuring between 29 and 30 weeks when I should just be at 28. He said it's not a big deal at this point and it's okay that I'm putting on some pounds but I'm a wreck! And the worse part is I can't stop eating. I'm hungry all the time and everything sounds good to me. I'm hoping I don't do too much damage these next 2 months, but with the holidays around the corner I'm a little nervous. At the same time, I kinda don't care. hahaha I just want to enjoy what part of this pregnancy I can and with all the ailments I've had, I think I deserve to eat what I want, when I want for the next few months :)
Other than that shock of weight gain news on Monday, I've been having a great week! My Momma is in town visiting and staying with us and what a relief it is to have some help! I feel like I'm exploding with stress, why I don't exactly know, but having my Mom here is such a help. She's been great with the kids and she gets them up and dressed in the mornings and makes them breakfast. She helps with teeth at bedtime and reads them stories before bed. They love having her here and it's so nice to have a break from the day to day grind. I'm going to be so sad when she leaves tomorrow and I know the kids will be bummed that Grandma Sue isn't there to stuff them with goodies and buy them toys. hahaha The night she got here we spent some time organizing Emily's room with all her clothes and shoes and goodies. I can't believe how much stuff I have already! And Grandma Sue ordered the crib so I should be getting that tomorrow or next week and I'm super excited to put it together and get her room going :) It's also a little scary to know that I'll be responsible for this little life and she'll be in this room sooner than I think. I just hope I can juggle it all without any major catastrophes. And if it weren't for James, I would be 20 times more nervous. But knowing he's done this twice already and his kids survived gives me hope that Emily will be okay too :)
The downsides to my pregnancy are still rampant. I'm getting really bad headaches once a week and the indigestion is as bad as ever. I should seriously buy some stock in Zantac. I found out I'm anemic so I've been having to take iron supplements along with my prenatals. And the kicking!!! I know it's good that she's moving so much but I just want a break. She keeps finding my bladder and it's like she knows it's a no no zone and just pounds away at it. Now when I lay down and she moves, my stomach moves like a body of water and you can see it. It's kinda creepy but also neat. It's like she knows when she's kicking and I want someone to see it or feel it because as soon as I start talking she stops. So anytime I try to have my Mom or James or the kids feel it, as soon as I say "hey, check it out she's kicking" she stops and I look like an idiot. Figures....
Last Sunday I declared Pamper Diana Day and I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon of some personal TLC. I got a pedicure, my finger nails painted, my eyebrows waxed and a prenatal massage. It was so nice and relaxing except for the fact that Emily kicked me VIOLENTLY the entire massage which made it a little hard to relax. But it was still a great way to spend my day and I loved every second of it!
HOW FAR ALONG: 28 weeks (baby is about 15 inches long and weighs 2-3 pds.)
SLEEP: Indigestion, hip pain and leg cramps = no sleep
FOOD CRAVINGS: I think I'm leaning more towards salty things than sweet. But I don't discriminate, I'll eat anything :)
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Taking time off work to enjoy my little bundle and take the kids to and from school. I love how the kids kiss and hug my belly. They are so excited to have a little sister!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Gaining any more weight!!! But I'm also not willing to eat less....so, we'll see how that works :)
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Week 26.........Am I done yet?
I'm not quite to my 3rd trimester yet and I'm already getting very antsy. I'm just all around over being pregnant. I know things will get worse when I get bigger and I'll be wishing for these days back, but right now I feel like SHIT! Yep, I said it! I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm sick of this frickin indigestion and these headaches!! See, if I could just enjoy a drink to calm my nerves and stress I'd probably feel fine. But since that's not an option I'm going to have to start hiding sharp objects soon. The good news is Emily must have heard my cries and pleas to stop kicking because she's not as active as she was last week. At least she's giving me a break at bedtime. Oh and I haven't peed myself this week, so that's something positive. But now the indigestion has gotten so awful I can't sleep anyways. Even after overdosing on Zantac, nothing seems to give me enough relief. I even puked from it being so bad!!
I'm back to feeling like crying most days. I really think it's time I have a Diana day and just do something to pamper myself. But when I even think about planning such a day my mind floods with things that need to be done around the house or family visits or stuff we need to do for the kids and then I think "I can't take a day off!" But I'm pretty sure I'm at my breaking point so planning such a day will be much wiser in the long run than continuously straining myself.
Having the kids go back to school was a big fear of mine. They have new schedules and new daycare and now both of them have homework every night but it's actually been a really nice transition so far. We even had picture day today and I managed to iron their clothes and do their hair! Maybe I'm not as bad of a Mom as I thought. But either way, it's nice to have a routine down and everything moving smoothly. I'm SO proud of Joli because her class had a contest to draw a design for t-shirts and she won! She had the best drawing and all the kids shirts will have her picture on them. She loves school and learning. Jamesy is so different. Not in a bad way, but he's a little more forgetful when it comes to school stuff and definitely not into his handwriting or coloring in the lines. It's amazing the difference between boys and girls. I guess you never realize it until you have two little ones. But they are doing so amazing in school and in their daycare. I'm very proud of both of them!
Nothing much exciting has been going on lately. I keep trying to talk people into carrying Emily for me for the rest of the way but apparently that's impossible :( I have a feeling I'll love her a lot more when I can see and hold her vs. not knowing what the hell she's doing in my belly besides making me fat and miserable. The kids love to give her hugs and kisses every day and I can't wait to tell her that when she's old enough. I really hope Jamesy and Joli don't hate her if she's a crier and keeps us all up at night. haha I know that's a horrible thing to think but seriously, if you were 7 or 5 and some whiny ass baby was constantly waking you up every night on a school night, how would you feel? But with any luck she'll be just like her Momma. A perfect baby! And I'm not trying to be irrational but if you ask my parents, apparently I was the perfect child. Never cried, always smiling and happy and loving. I'm not sure what happened but I like to think I was perfect at one time in my life :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 26 weeks (baby is big! and moves a lot!)
SLEEP: boo acid reflux!!! I refuse to believe my best years of sleep are behind me!
FOOD CRAVINGS: Oh please, I need help! I keep eating and eating and when I'm not eating I'm thinking about eating.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Maternity leave :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Not much at this point, I'm just ready to get this party started! Waiting another 3 months sounds horrible.
Love, Diana :)
I'm back to feeling like crying most days. I really think it's time I have a Diana day and just do something to pamper myself. But when I even think about planning such a day my mind floods with things that need to be done around the house or family visits or stuff we need to do for the kids and then I think "I can't take a day off!" But I'm pretty sure I'm at my breaking point so planning such a day will be much wiser in the long run than continuously straining myself.
Having the kids go back to school was a big fear of mine. They have new schedules and new daycare and now both of them have homework every night but it's actually been a really nice transition so far. We even had picture day today and I managed to iron their clothes and do their hair! Maybe I'm not as bad of a Mom as I thought. But either way, it's nice to have a routine down and everything moving smoothly. I'm SO proud of Joli because her class had a contest to draw a design for t-shirts and she won! She had the best drawing and all the kids shirts will have her picture on them. She loves school and learning. Jamesy is so different. Not in a bad way, but he's a little more forgetful when it comes to school stuff and definitely not into his handwriting or coloring in the lines. It's amazing the difference between boys and girls. I guess you never realize it until you have two little ones. But they are doing so amazing in school and in their daycare. I'm very proud of both of them!
Nothing much exciting has been going on lately. I keep trying to talk people into carrying Emily for me for the rest of the way but apparently that's impossible :( I have a feeling I'll love her a lot more when I can see and hold her vs. not knowing what the hell she's doing in my belly besides making me fat and miserable. The kids love to give her hugs and kisses every day and I can't wait to tell her that when she's old enough. I really hope Jamesy and Joli don't hate her if she's a crier and keeps us all up at night. haha I know that's a horrible thing to think but seriously, if you were 7 or 5 and some whiny ass baby was constantly waking you up every night on a school night, how would you feel? But with any luck she'll be just like her Momma. A perfect baby! And I'm not trying to be irrational but if you ask my parents, apparently I was the perfect child. Never cried, always smiling and happy and loving. I'm not sure what happened but I like to think I was perfect at one time in my life :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 26 weeks (baby is big! and moves a lot!)
SLEEP: boo acid reflux!!! I refuse to believe my best years of sleep are behind me!
FOOD CRAVINGS: Oh please, I need help! I keep eating and eating and when I'm not eating I'm thinking about eating.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Maternity leave :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Not much at this point, I'm just ready to get this party started! Waiting another 3 months sounds horrible.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Week 25....getting close!
Apparently I only have 2 more weeks in my 2nd trimester. I'm excited to get this over with but super nervous about what's in store in the last 3 month stretch. All the kicking and indigestion is sure to get worse and I just don't know how I'll be handling it. I was doing so good with being happy all the time and feeling good physically but the past few days have been rough. I'm crying a lot, getting easily frustrated, tossing and turning at night again. The headaches are becoming unbearable and then they're followed by nose bleeds. I look like I have some sort of skin disease. I can't even remember how to spell disease! UGH! It's hard being so frustrated and not being able to do anything about it. The apparent loss of my short term memory is making work very hard. I feel like I can't focus anymore and I'm always scrounging to keep up and playing catch up all day. No wonder my stress levels are through the roof!
Next week should be an adventure. I'm due to take my sugar test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm sure the test will be fine, but you never know. I've heard that if you have it, you have to cut down your daily caloric intake to something crazy like 1500. I was a little piggy before the pregnancy and have turned SUPER piggy the last month or so. I will literally shrivel up and die if I have to function off 1500 calories a day. I pretty much pig out because it's the one time Emily will stop kicking me for 5 minutes. She's non stop these days! It was cute in the beginning but I'm over it now. The other morning I was sleeping in and Bella (my love bug kitty cat) was sleeping with me and resting on my belly. The baby kept kicking and kicking so hard I thought for sure Bella would start attacking. But it didn't seem to bother her, just kept me awake :) It is kinda cool that I can see my stomach move when she kicks but after a while it turns from cute to violent and I just beg that she'll stop for any amount of time and let me catch my breath. The other day (I can't believe I'm going to share this), I was picking up a customer late in the day, in their car, and she started kicking me in the bladder SO HARD that I actually tinkled a little bit. I was so embarrassed and couldn't wait to get home. It wasn't that bad, mostly scary that she can get pee out of me with just one ninja kick. But then a few nights later I sneezed really hard and peed my pants too so then I didn't feel so mad at her for making me pee :)
However, I do have something great to look forward to and that's my baby shower! A date has been picked and I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate my little love muffin with them. My sister and best friend are planning it so I know it will be lots of fun and hopefully there will be lots of food (CHIPS AND SALSA GIRLS!). It's weird, but I'm starting to really miss my family lately. I feel like I want my Mom to take care of me everyday and I want to take care of my sister everyday and they're not close by for me to have that. Maybe that's why, but just some weird emotions lately regarding those two ladies. I miss them terribly and wish they were closer but I'm very excited to spend my baby shower with them and hopefully convince them to move closer to me :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 25 weeks (I don't know what vegetable/fruit she resembles this week and I'm over keeping track. But she's probably 2 pds)
SLEEP: I was having such a nice streak of good sleep and it's gone again :( My hips started hurting and I just can't get comfortable at night. The headaches and kicking don't seem to help much either.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I love food! All food, I won't discriminate. If it's edible, I'll scarf it like it's my last meal.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I'm starting to get a little nervous the closer the due date is approaching. I really really hope she doesn't show up past her due date.
Love, Diana :)
Next week should be an adventure. I'm due to take my sugar test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm sure the test will be fine, but you never know. I've heard that if you have it, you have to cut down your daily caloric intake to something crazy like 1500. I was a little piggy before the pregnancy and have turned SUPER piggy the last month or so. I will literally shrivel up and die if I have to function off 1500 calories a day. I pretty much pig out because it's the one time Emily will stop kicking me for 5 minutes. She's non stop these days! It was cute in the beginning but I'm over it now. The other morning I was sleeping in and Bella (my love bug kitty cat) was sleeping with me and resting on my belly. The baby kept kicking and kicking so hard I thought for sure Bella would start attacking. But it didn't seem to bother her, just kept me awake :) It is kinda cool that I can see my stomach move when she kicks but after a while it turns from cute to violent and I just beg that she'll stop for any amount of time and let me catch my breath. The other day (I can't believe I'm going to share this), I was picking up a customer late in the day, in their car, and she started kicking me in the bladder SO HARD that I actually tinkled a little bit. I was so embarrassed and couldn't wait to get home. It wasn't that bad, mostly scary that she can get pee out of me with just one ninja kick. But then a few nights later I sneezed really hard and peed my pants too so then I didn't feel so mad at her for making me pee :)
However, I do have something great to look forward to and that's my baby shower! A date has been picked and I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate my little love muffin with them. My sister and best friend are planning it so I know it will be lots of fun and hopefully there will be lots of food (CHIPS AND SALSA GIRLS!). It's weird, but I'm starting to really miss my family lately. I feel like I want my Mom to take care of me everyday and I want to take care of my sister everyday and they're not close by for me to have that. Maybe that's why, but just some weird emotions lately regarding those two ladies. I miss them terribly and wish they were closer but I'm very excited to spend my baby shower with them and hopefully convince them to move closer to me :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 25 weeks (I don't know what vegetable/fruit she resembles this week and I'm over keeping track. But she's probably 2 pds)
SLEEP: I was having such a nice streak of good sleep and it's gone again :( My hips started hurting and I just can't get comfortable at night. The headaches and kicking don't seem to help much either.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I love food! All food, I won't discriminate. If it's edible, I'll scarf it like it's my last meal.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I'm starting to get a little nervous the closer the due date is approaching. I really really hope she doesn't show up past her due date.
Love, Diana :)
Friday, September 2, 2011
Week 24!
So I only have 3 more weeks in my 2nd trimester and then it's off to the final stretch! Part of me feels like this time has been flying by and the other part of me (the pregnant part) feels like this whole process is taking forever. I'm definitely feeling more and more ready for little Emily to get here. I'm sure as soon as she does I'll be begging the Dr. to put her back in, but right now I'm just ready to get this over with. I really want my body back to myself. It's so weird to feel her kicking and moving around. I wish I could see what she's up to in there. It still feels like a huge bird is stuck in my stomach and flapping its wings furiously to get out! The cool part though, is if I lay on my side or my back I can actually see my stomach move when she kicks (which is ALL THE TIME!). I want people to feel it but it seems as soon as I move or put someone's hand on my stomach she stops.
I have all sorts of pregnancy symptoms. Some bizarre and some expected but so far no swelling which is nice. I keep checking my rings to make sure they don't get too snug but I think I have a couple more months before that whole nightmare starts. At least I hope I do! I keep telling myself I'm not going to read about anymore pregnancy stuff on The Baby Center's website. Everything I read freaks me out and I've decided that I'd rather not know and just be surprised :) But then they send me these e-mails that have really interesting subject lines and I think "yeah, I wanna know what the 20 pregnancy myths are" No, Diana! No you don't! So one of them was "Is it true that my baby will resemble the size I was as a baby?" Well, since I was close to 10 pds when I was born, I was curious to know if this was true or a myth (fingers crossed for myth!!) Um, yeah. Of course it's true!! And they say it takes after the Mom's side too!! And then mothers commented that they had the same experience. So now I'm a little nervous. I don't want to give birth to some 20 pd kid! My parents still joke that I could hold my head up when I was born and people thought someone had left their baby in the hospital for a month as I lay in the incubator twice the size of the other newborns. And then they sent another e-mail titled "What will your body look like right after giving birth" and I think, okay. That can't be that bad to read. Maybe I'll just skip to the part where it tells me how much weight I'll lose in the first few days....WRONG! They spell out all kinds of creepy stuff that's going to happen to my body afterwards! I really need to stop reading up on this stuff. Again, I like surprises! If I don't know what to expect, I won't expect anything :)
Nothing too new is going on, my belly seems to be expanding at a very rapid pace. I'm eating like a little piglet. The kids' mom left for Texas this week so they were finally home, in their own rooms and beds. I was so excited to see them and spend time with them but Joli is taking it really hard (as usual). It's hard to stay positive and not get angry at her Mother when I see how upset her leaving makes Joli. It reminds me of being a child myself. When she's upset, I'm upset. And the worse part is that there's nothing I can do. There's nothing or anyone who can replace that sadness in Joli's heart when her Mom is gone and it's hard because I just want to fix it. Hopefully after a few days she'll be okay, but right now the house feels like a funeral home!
Oh, and I forgot to share in my past blogs about my new found anxiety towards pregnant women. I just don't like them. James and I did the hospital walk through with about 10 other couples. I know I did it early but I'm very nervous and wanted to be prepared and know what the hospital would look like, the rooms, the nursery, how to get there, etc. Well...these other women were ready to pop!! Most of them only had 2-3 weeks left in their pregnancy!! All I could do was look around the room at these women, paranoid that one of them was going to pop a baby out at any second. It got too much and we left early. Then last Saturday I got a much needed pedicure. As soon as I start to relax, a pregnant woman comes in to get a mani/pedi and sits right next to me. I hear her tell the lady that she is 37 weeks!!! That's like, due date week!!! What the hell is she doing out in public??? The rest of the time, I just stared at her wondering if she would give birth right then and there. So I've decided to try and avoid really pregnant women for the time being. They throw me into an instant panic!
HOW FAR ALONG: 24 weeks (the baby weighs about 1.5 lbs and if she's anything like me she's HUGE!)
SLEEP: Getting a little better. I still wake up easily, and it takes me a good 30 seconds to roll over.
FOOD CRAVINGS: FEED ME! I'm just hungry all the time and everything sounds good at this point.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Having a 3 day weekend to spend with my family.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Emily getting much bigger. I wonder how I can convince my Dr. that she should come out once she weighs 6 lbs....
Love, Diana :)
I have all sorts of pregnancy symptoms. Some bizarre and some expected but so far no swelling which is nice. I keep checking my rings to make sure they don't get too snug but I think I have a couple more months before that whole nightmare starts. At least I hope I do! I keep telling myself I'm not going to read about anymore pregnancy stuff on The Baby Center's website. Everything I read freaks me out and I've decided that I'd rather not know and just be surprised :) But then they send me these e-mails that have really interesting subject lines and I think "yeah, I wanna know what the 20 pregnancy myths are" No, Diana! No you don't! So one of them was "Is it true that my baby will resemble the size I was as a baby?" Well, since I was close to 10 pds when I was born, I was curious to know if this was true or a myth (fingers crossed for myth!!) Um, yeah. Of course it's true!! And they say it takes after the Mom's side too!! And then mothers commented that they had the same experience. So now I'm a little nervous. I don't want to give birth to some 20 pd kid! My parents still joke that I could hold my head up when I was born and people thought someone had left their baby in the hospital for a month as I lay in the incubator twice the size of the other newborns. And then they sent another e-mail titled "What will your body look like right after giving birth" and I think, okay. That can't be that bad to read. Maybe I'll just skip to the part where it tells me how much weight I'll lose in the first few days....WRONG! They spell out all kinds of creepy stuff that's going to happen to my body afterwards! I really need to stop reading up on this stuff. Again, I like surprises! If I don't know what to expect, I won't expect anything :)
Nothing too new is going on, my belly seems to be expanding at a very rapid pace. I'm eating like a little piglet. The kids' mom left for Texas this week so they were finally home, in their own rooms and beds. I was so excited to see them and spend time with them but Joli is taking it really hard (as usual). It's hard to stay positive and not get angry at her Mother when I see how upset her leaving makes Joli. It reminds me of being a child myself. When she's upset, I'm upset. And the worse part is that there's nothing I can do. There's nothing or anyone who can replace that sadness in Joli's heart when her Mom is gone and it's hard because I just want to fix it. Hopefully after a few days she'll be okay, but right now the house feels like a funeral home!
Oh, and I forgot to share in my past blogs about my new found anxiety towards pregnant women. I just don't like them. James and I did the hospital walk through with about 10 other couples. I know I did it early but I'm very nervous and wanted to be prepared and know what the hospital would look like, the rooms, the nursery, how to get there, etc. Well...these other women were ready to pop!! Most of them only had 2-3 weeks left in their pregnancy!! All I could do was look around the room at these women, paranoid that one of them was going to pop a baby out at any second. It got too much and we left early. Then last Saturday I got a much needed pedicure. As soon as I start to relax, a pregnant woman comes in to get a mani/pedi and sits right next to me. I hear her tell the lady that she is 37 weeks!!! That's like, due date week!!! What the hell is she doing out in public??? The rest of the time, I just stared at her wondering if she would give birth right then and there. So I've decided to try and avoid really pregnant women for the time being. They throw me into an instant panic!
HOW FAR ALONG: 24 weeks (the baby weighs about 1.5 lbs and if she's anything like me she's HUGE!)
SLEEP: Getting a little better. I still wake up easily, and it takes me a good 30 seconds to roll over.
FOOD CRAVINGS: FEED ME! I'm just hungry all the time and everything sounds good at this point.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Having a 3 day weekend to spend with my family.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Emily getting much bigger. I wonder how I can convince my Dr. that she should come out once she weighs 6 lbs....
Love, Diana :)
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