I had read about the baby blues the first two weeks after giving birth but the first couple of days I was running on pure adrenaline and happiness that quickly faded into irritation and hopelessness. I cry all the time. I'm not sure why or what I'm crying about but tears seem to be flowing like crazy. I keep telling myself that it's only day 10 since I gave birth and Emily got here and that it's okay to feel this way, but I still have a lot of guilt. Maybe it's cabin fever or lack of sleep too. Don't get me wrong, I'm madly in love with Emily and am able to enjoy my time with her, I just feel weird. Very sad and tired, even if I get plenty of sleep. When she cries I get easily irritated because I don't know what she wants or needs. It's still hard for me to see her so calm with her Dad and have her not be that way with me.
Other than my issues, having a baby has been awesome!! She is already the most important thing in my life and I can't remember what life was like before she got here. I feel extremely overprotective of her and have almost an animal instinct that if someone gets too close, I have to attack! She seems to be growing really quickly. She eats almost twice as much as she should be at her age but she cries and is definitely hungry so I feed her. She sleeps most of the day and is up hysterically crying at night. The first few days were impossible because everyone was coming by the house so much that I couldn't sleep while she slept. It's nice now that the traffic has died down and I can have some quiet bonding time with her. Not to mention I'm not exactly the happiest or most alert person to be around.
Today her umbilical cord fell off. I found it in her diaper and kept it for Daddy to see but it's pretty nasty looking. I don't know if it's really worth it to keep that thing or not. I gave her her 3rd sponge bath and she is so good while I do it!! She always pees though.....
I can't tell if she's smiling yet or not. She makes a lot of faces but I always assume they are gas related. She's really strong too. She always tries to hold her head up and she swings her arms around all the time! She's gotten me in the face a couple of times and even swung my glasses off! She's not much for being swaddled, which is fine with me because I can't figure out how to swaddle good anyways.
I still have a lot of guilt for not being able to breastfeed. We tried a couple of times once home from the hospital and my milk came in but she was not having it and neither was I! I'm happy for the people that can do it, but I couldn't do it if my life depended on it. The downside of course is lots of leaking and painful swollen breasts. They look good though! It was a free temporary boob job! haha
The kids have been spending most of their time with their Mom who left today. They've spent a couple of nights at home since the baby got here but haven't really had to experience nights of lying awake to a screaming baby. I hope it's not too traumatizing for them. I think it's going to be much more traumatizing for me to have to figure out how to juggle school, homework and a newborn. If it weren't for Emily, I would have already gone back to work by now! James is working from home this week and next week and it's so nice to have him here to help on breaks and lunch hours. I'm dreading having to do this on my own.
Again, I feel like I have so much more to write about but I'm too tired and preoccupied to write anything else. Let's just say I'm in love with my new daughter and at this point in time, nothing else matters but her.
Love, Diana :)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Week 40....BABY IS HERE!!!
Wow, wow and wow!!! So much to report and I don't even know if I have the time or energy but I'll try to get everything out in 1 post.
It started when my sister came into town on Friday the 17th. She said "I'm not here to chit chat, I wanna meet my niece, let's get her out!" So Saturday night we went to Skipolini's in Walnut Creek for their famous preggo pizza. I had been feeling really anxious and weird all day but I ate a couple of slices and went to bed. I talked about all the things I wanted to get done before the baby got here thinking I had plenty of time because I didn't think she would come on her own. I was dead set that I would have to be induced. Forward to about 2am and I started waking up with mild pain (probably contractions) but at the time I just thought it was gas. I fell back asleep and awoke from my cat meowing in my face at 4am and immediately as I was waking up I felt my water break. Well, for a minute I thought I had pee'd in my pants so I jumped up and ran to the bathroom but I kept leaking and leaking and quickly realized that my water had broken. I wasn't having any contractions at that time and since the water just kept on coming, I waited in the bathroom for about 20 minutes before finally getting up and waking James. He jumped out of bed and my sister who was staying the night woke up to us moving around and talking and came in to check and we told her it was time.
First things first, I had to take a quick shower to shave my legs. I wasn't about to give birth without doing that first! We took our time, everyone showered and dressed and got ready. My mom met us at our house and we all went to the hospital at about 5:30am. Of course, we made a pit stop at Starbucks :) It was hours before the contractions were bad enough for me to start moaning and groaning in pain but once they started to get bad, it felt like mere minutes before I was in excruciating pain. Of course there was a lot of people in the room which made me feel a little uncomfortable but soon the pain was too bad for me to care who or what else was going on. At one point everyone left to get food and take breaks and my Mom and step Mom stayed behind to help me through the contractions. I could not have done it without them!! I decided to get the epidural once I reached 4 cm and it was about 4 or 5pm in the evening. Once I asked for it, it took a while to get and the pain at that point was just unbearable!! But I was getting through it. I was breathing and closing my eyes and trying to focus on the fact that I was doing this. I didn't die like I felt like I would. I wasn't having panic attacks like I was worried about for the last 9 months. I was just getting through minute to minute.
After the epidural I don't remember much but feeling like only minutes went by before I was dilated 7 cm. I texted James to come back in the room at that point and then it was hazy until I was told I was at 9 cm and it was time to get ready to push. I was pretty terrified at this point and I may have cried for a minute or two saying I didn't want to push and that I wasn't ready for her to get here yet, but I knew I had no choice. Being completely numb I wasn't sure how to push or what it would feel like. The nurses came in with stirrups and I had my sister, my mom, James and James' mom in the room with me. At this point, I didn't want to see anything going on. I kept my eyes closed, focused on what the nurse was telling me to do and just thought, again, about how I was actually doing this. I was going to give birth to a baby one way or another and there was no turning back time now. After an hour of pushing I was starting to get really really tired and felt like I couldn't do it anymore. There was no way my body was going to let me push one more time. But miraculously the nurse told me to push, my sister held one leg and James held the other and everyone just kept cheering me on telling me I was doing it and she was coming. That was my motivation, hearing people tell me that I was doing it right because she was coming. Another hour went by and lots of tears and me feeling like giving up before one final push and I heard "she's here, she's here!" They laid her on my chest for a few seconds before taking her and cleaning her up. All I could do was cry and cry. My baby was here and I got her here and the relief I felt was just indescribable. I still cry just thinking about it today. I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I am really really proud of myself. I've spent so much time agonizing over what that day would be like and it ended up being the easiest part of the pregnancy! Well...until the epidural wore off :) But I had this beautiful baby girl in front of me. I finally got to see what Emily looked like and her cute little nose, chin and hair. She did have a good amount of hair but nothing like what I was expecting after all the heart burn.
The minute she came into this world, my anxiety and uncomfortableness vanished. She has quickly become the most important thing in my life and I am so in love with her. She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was 20 inches long. She was born at 7:52pm on Sunday, the 18th to the worlds luckiest parents. I'm so so madly in love with James. He is such a great father and she already adores him. I feel closer to him than I ever have and now that she's here, I know I picked the best Dad in the world to have a baby with.
Of course there's a little anxiety on my part. Being a new mom is more nerve wracking than when Joli and Jamesy came into my life. They were able to use words to let me know what they were and weren't comfortable with and with Emily it's a whole new ballgame. I cry when she cries because I feel bad that I'm not making her happy. I'm having a lot of guilt about not breast feeding but unfortunately it just didn't work for me. It was hard at first to see how calm she could be with her Daddy and not with me. But everyday I'm adjusting more and more and becoming comfortable with her and with my mothering skills. I love feeding time because she'll just stare into my eyes. I love falling asleep on the couch with her in my arms. I love changing her little diapers (I'm sure that will change quickly!) and I even love her cry.
Okay, there's so much more I want to say but it took me 4 hours just to write this much so I'm sure next week's blog will be just as long (or longer) and I'm sure I'll keep doing this because being a Mother is sure to be an adventure like one I've never experienced and I'm sure I'll have lots of more tears (happy and sad) and more whining to do. Let's face it, I'm still Diana! Here's a picture of my beautiful new love, Emily Ann DeLucia :)
Love, Diana
It started when my sister came into town on Friday the 17th. She said "I'm not here to chit chat, I wanna meet my niece, let's get her out!" So Saturday night we went to Skipolini's in Walnut Creek for their famous preggo pizza. I had been feeling really anxious and weird all day but I ate a couple of slices and went to bed. I talked about all the things I wanted to get done before the baby got here thinking I had plenty of time because I didn't think she would come on her own. I was dead set that I would have to be induced. Forward to about 2am and I started waking up with mild pain (probably contractions) but at the time I just thought it was gas. I fell back asleep and awoke from my cat meowing in my face at 4am and immediately as I was waking up I felt my water break. Well, for a minute I thought I had pee'd in my pants so I jumped up and ran to the bathroom but I kept leaking and leaking and quickly realized that my water had broken. I wasn't having any contractions at that time and since the water just kept on coming, I waited in the bathroom for about 20 minutes before finally getting up and waking James. He jumped out of bed and my sister who was staying the night woke up to us moving around and talking and came in to check and we told her it was time.
First things first, I had to take a quick shower to shave my legs. I wasn't about to give birth without doing that first! We took our time, everyone showered and dressed and got ready. My mom met us at our house and we all went to the hospital at about 5:30am. Of course, we made a pit stop at Starbucks :) It was hours before the contractions were bad enough for me to start moaning and groaning in pain but once they started to get bad, it felt like mere minutes before I was in excruciating pain. Of course there was a lot of people in the room which made me feel a little uncomfortable but soon the pain was too bad for me to care who or what else was going on. At one point everyone left to get food and take breaks and my Mom and step Mom stayed behind to help me through the contractions. I could not have done it without them!! I decided to get the epidural once I reached 4 cm and it was about 4 or 5pm in the evening. Once I asked for it, it took a while to get and the pain at that point was just unbearable!! But I was getting through it. I was breathing and closing my eyes and trying to focus on the fact that I was doing this. I didn't die like I felt like I would. I wasn't having panic attacks like I was worried about for the last 9 months. I was just getting through minute to minute.
After the epidural I don't remember much but feeling like only minutes went by before I was dilated 7 cm. I texted James to come back in the room at that point and then it was hazy until I was told I was at 9 cm and it was time to get ready to push. I was pretty terrified at this point and I may have cried for a minute or two saying I didn't want to push and that I wasn't ready for her to get here yet, but I knew I had no choice. Being completely numb I wasn't sure how to push or what it would feel like. The nurses came in with stirrups and I had my sister, my mom, James and James' mom in the room with me. At this point, I didn't want to see anything going on. I kept my eyes closed, focused on what the nurse was telling me to do and just thought, again, about how I was actually doing this. I was going to give birth to a baby one way or another and there was no turning back time now. After an hour of pushing I was starting to get really really tired and felt like I couldn't do it anymore. There was no way my body was going to let me push one more time. But miraculously the nurse told me to push, my sister held one leg and James held the other and everyone just kept cheering me on telling me I was doing it and she was coming. That was my motivation, hearing people tell me that I was doing it right because she was coming. Another hour went by and lots of tears and me feeling like giving up before one final push and I heard "she's here, she's here!" They laid her on my chest for a few seconds before taking her and cleaning her up. All I could do was cry and cry. My baby was here and I got her here and the relief I felt was just indescribable. I still cry just thinking about it today. I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I am really really proud of myself. I've spent so much time agonizing over what that day would be like and it ended up being the easiest part of the pregnancy! Well...until the epidural wore off :) But I had this beautiful baby girl in front of me. I finally got to see what Emily looked like and her cute little nose, chin and hair. She did have a good amount of hair but nothing like what I was expecting after all the heart burn.
The minute she came into this world, my anxiety and uncomfortableness vanished. She has quickly become the most important thing in my life and I am so in love with her. She weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and was 20 inches long. She was born at 7:52pm on Sunday, the 18th to the worlds luckiest parents. I'm so so madly in love with James. He is such a great father and she already adores him. I feel closer to him than I ever have and now that she's here, I know I picked the best Dad in the world to have a baby with.
Of course there's a little anxiety on my part. Being a new mom is more nerve wracking than when Joli and Jamesy came into my life. They were able to use words to let me know what they were and weren't comfortable with and with Emily it's a whole new ballgame. I cry when she cries because I feel bad that I'm not making her happy. I'm having a lot of guilt about not breast feeding but unfortunately it just didn't work for me. It was hard at first to see how calm she could be with her Daddy and not with me. But everyday I'm adjusting more and more and becoming comfortable with her and with my mothering skills. I love feeding time because she'll just stare into my eyes. I love falling asleep on the couch with her in my arms. I love changing her little diapers (I'm sure that will change quickly!) and I even love her cry.
Love, Diana
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Week 39
Holy crap!! I'm 1 cm dilated!! Not that that means anything really, but it's kinda cool. I saw my Dr. yesterday and he said that I could possibly have Emily by next Monday but if not, then we will schedule a day no later than next Thursday for me to be induced. I'm really hoping she comes on her own and I don't have to be induced. I hear it's not really fun and the way he does it includes a catheter so I'm not too stoked about that option. I can't believe it! By next Thursday I will have a BABY!!! I'm living proof that there really should be some sort of license or test or something you have to pass to become a parent. I feel totally clueless about parenting. At least I've had some sort of experience with Jamesy and Joli but they are SO easy it almost doesn't seem real.
I was so freaked out and panicky yesterday before my appt. that I made James leave work to go with me. I call him my Xanax because for some reason I'm so calm around him and feel like nothing bad can happen to me as long as he is around. Plus, I knew yesterday would be a big decision day and I really wanted him to be a part of it. Until I heard him say that we should wait one more week I had no idea what I was going to do. It was definitely helpful to have him there to reassure me that we were making the right decision for us and Emily. I've basically been a walking panic attack since last week. I was feeling better late yesterday but I'm back to being a nervous nelly. I'm sure this is normal, especially in this late stage of pregnancy but it's SO awful!! I hate feeling anxious, I've suffered from anxiety for years and years and it's the worse feeling in the world. Having this level of anxiety all day and night is just brutal, so part of me is just ready to get it over with so I can breath a sigh of relief and the other part of me is so scared of her coming into this world that I just want to keep her in my belly forever.
The good part is that now I know she will definitely be here before Xmas so my sister and Mom can have some time with her before they have to go back home. The kids' mom will be here so I'll have some time to get a routine with the baby and hopefully James can take some time off work to help too. I'm mostly just scared of not knowing every little detail of what's to come. What exactly will labor be like? What if I can't handle the pain? What if I get too tired and can't push anymore and they have to give me a c-section? What if something is wrong with Emily?? The fears are endless....
James got me my Xmas present early. I asked for a video camera so I can capture every step with Emily. I will definitely not be doing this again so I don't want to miss a thing and I want it all documented. Plus now that I have it early I will be having James tape a little of the birthing. No vagina shots, but I'd like to have some record of my before and after for Emily to see when she gets older. Plus, Jamesy and Joli do the most hilarious things and I want to be able to capture those moments to hold against them as teenagers :)
I think I get to take some maternity pictures today with Marcie and the kids. That should be fun. I was not going to do it but now I'm thinking I probably will want something to document my time being pregnant and I think it would be nice to have a few pictures of me and the kids too. James is being all weird about his weight (like he's the one whose pregnant and put on 30 plus pounds!!!) so he's not going to partake in the pictures.
My mom has been here for a few days now and that has been a huge help. She went shopping with me on Saturday and has helped with the kids. Yesterday she watched them and picked them up from school and then made a gingerbread house with them too. She put together Emily's swing for me and helped finish up her room. When she's here I really feel like I need a full time nanny. haha I'm so big and tired and it takes me minutes to do anything that I love the help but at the same time, when Emily gets here I'll be tired and delirious from taking care of her 24/7 and I'm worried about what will happen with the kids then. I just hope me and James can juggle the 3 of them in the most productive way possible. Ideally I'd love if I could just get through my thick head that worrying about this stuff is useless. I can handle everything day to day and any situation as it happens but my brain just doesn't work like that...
HOW FAR ALONG: 39 weeks (I'm 1 cm dilated and baby could come - or not - any day now)
SLEEP: The last few days I've felt like a zombie. I can't get enough sleep. It's almost like someone is putting Ambien in my food.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Wow! My food intake has doubled over the last few days. I can't get enough of anything, I just want to stuff my face 24/7.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: All of this anxiety to be over with and to start being a Mom instead of some housing unit for an alien.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: LABOR!!! There has GOT to be a better way to get this child out of me??? Why can't we teleport yet?? Who do I call about that?
Love, Diana :)
I was so freaked out and panicky yesterday before my appt. that I made James leave work to go with me. I call him my Xanax because for some reason I'm so calm around him and feel like nothing bad can happen to me as long as he is around. Plus, I knew yesterday would be a big decision day and I really wanted him to be a part of it. Until I heard him say that we should wait one more week I had no idea what I was going to do. It was definitely helpful to have him there to reassure me that we were making the right decision for us and Emily. I've basically been a walking panic attack since last week. I was feeling better late yesterday but I'm back to being a nervous nelly. I'm sure this is normal, especially in this late stage of pregnancy but it's SO awful!! I hate feeling anxious, I've suffered from anxiety for years and years and it's the worse feeling in the world. Having this level of anxiety all day and night is just brutal, so part of me is just ready to get it over with so I can breath a sigh of relief and the other part of me is so scared of her coming into this world that I just want to keep her in my belly forever.
The good part is that now I know she will definitely be here before Xmas so my sister and Mom can have some time with her before they have to go back home. The kids' mom will be here so I'll have some time to get a routine with the baby and hopefully James can take some time off work to help too. I'm mostly just scared of not knowing every little detail of what's to come. What exactly will labor be like? What if I can't handle the pain? What if I get too tired and can't push anymore and they have to give me a c-section? What if something is wrong with Emily?? The fears are endless....
James got me my Xmas present early. I asked for a video camera so I can capture every step with Emily. I will definitely not be doing this again so I don't want to miss a thing and I want it all documented. Plus now that I have it early I will be having James tape a little of the birthing. No vagina shots, but I'd like to have some record of my before and after for Emily to see when she gets older. Plus, Jamesy and Joli do the most hilarious things and I want to be able to capture those moments to hold against them as teenagers :)
I think I get to take some maternity pictures today with Marcie and the kids. That should be fun. I was not going to do it but now I'm thinking I probably will want something to document my time being pregnant and I think it would be nice to have a few pictures of me and the kids too. James is being all weird about his weight (like he's the one whose pregnant and put on 30 plus pounds!!!) so he's not going to partake in the pictures.
My mom has been here for a few days now and that has been a huge help. She went shopping with me on Saturday and has helped with the kids. Yesterday she watched them and picked them up from school and then made a gingerbread house with them too. She put together Emily's swing for me and helped finish up her room. When she's here I really feel like I need a full time nanny. haha I'm so big and tired and it takes me minutes to do anything that I love the help but at the same time, when Emily gets here I'll be tired and delirious from taking care of her 24/7 and I'm worried about what will happen with the kids then. I just hope me and James can juggle the 3 of them in the most productive way possible. Ideally I'd love if I could just get through my thick head that worrying about this stuff is useless. I can handle everything day to day and any situation as it happens but my brain just doesn't work like that...
HOW FAR ALONG: 39 weeks (I'm 1 cm dilated and baby could come - or not - any day now)
SLEEP: The last few days I've felt like a zombie. I can't get enough sleep. It's almost like someone is putting Ambien in my food.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Wow! My food intake has doubled over the last few days. I can't get enough of anything, I just want to stuff my face 24/7.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: All of this anxiety to be over with and to start being a Mom instead of some housing unit for an alien.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: LABOR!!! There has GOT to be a better way to get this child out of me??? Why can't we teleport yet?? Who do I call about that?
Love, Diana :)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Weeks 37 and 38.....I'm losing track of days and time
Wow! I've been so busy I forgot to blog last week and it was an exciting week too! I'm not even sure where to start....
So last Monday I had my first "check" appt. The Dr. did an ultrasound and measured the baby. The ultrasound machine estimated the baby's weight at about 7.5 lbs but my Dr. said it can be off up to a 1 lb, either a lb. less or more. He's estimating Emily is closer to 8 lbs because of the size of my stomach. Once he told me her size I was in shock and completely forgot about all the questions I had to ask him that day. All I kept thinking was that she is still going to get bigger and I still have weeks to go before she gets here and if I don't figure something out ASAP I'm going to be birthing a toddler!! I asked the Dr. if I stopped eating if she would stop gaining, but apparently it doesn't work like that. He also checked my cervix to see if it was thinning at all. And it wasn't, which was kind of a bummer. He could feel her head though, she's dropped and in position and ready to go, but my body is not. I would be lying if I said part of me doesn't feel like a failure. I was just so sure I would be ready well before she was and now knowing my stupid cervix is delaying her arrival is a let down to say the least. The good news was that I had lost a pound, which made me happy :)
The rest of last week was spent with me trying to come up with ways to get my cervix ready and get her good and irritated so she'll want to vacate my stomach. I walked A LOT! Tried to eat some things that I thought would upset her but then I thought "what if this stuff actually works and she comes sooner than I'm ready for!?!?" So I stopped trying so hard and waited until I saw my Dr. again yesterday to find out where I'm at before I do anything too crazy. I had heard of drinking castro oil to start contractions and thought that sounded like a great idea! Until I read up on it and found it's used to induce vomiting and most likely will cause diarrhea. Granted, I want Emily to hurry up and get here but I'm not trying to make myself sick in order to do it! Plus, I was starting to get paranoid that she'd get here before my Mom did and I don't want her to miss this because I'm so impatient :) I also stopped working last week. Well, sorta...Tuesday was my last day but I did have to go in Thursday and Friday for a few hours. I was so looking forward to being off but now all I do is stress about it all day. I was tempted to just go back until I give birth but I realize that the shop will be the same with or without me there and I better just get used to that. I've become SUCH a control freak during this pregnancy that I'm surprised I can let anything go at this point.
So anyways, I saw my Dr. again yesterday early afternoon to be "checked" again. My cervix hasn't thinned at all since last week. I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself. I guess I was hoping he would say that it was thinning. I just didn't realize how disappointed I would really be if/when he told me my cervix was the same. I don't know why I'm so down on myself for it but I feel like "what is wrong with me!?". Why can't my body catch up with what's going on here? I'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore. I can't get comfortable for 5 minutes and the indigestion feels like it's literally killing me at this point. How can I be so miserable in this body? The same body that won't give me my baby and some relief!!??
We did discuss inducing. He told me his fool proof plan on how to get the baby out within 24 hours of starting the process and I definitely trust him. I do have a lot of fears though about the birthing process in general. I'm very much not wanting a c-section and I'm scared that might be what happens. I'm scared because I've been having a lot of panic attacks lately that I'll have one in the hospital and won't be able to calm down. All the what if's are just flooding my brain at this point. Again, I know women give birth every day but I honestly feel like I won't be able to do it. I'm so scared of failing at giving birth that I'm just feeling stuck on what I should do. Whether I should just wait and see what happens naturally or if I should schedule a day and be induced. I'm really undecided at this point. I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in the thoughts until I see my Dr. again next Monday but it's hard not too. Especially when Emily is constantly reminding me that she's here and she's huge and is going to kick me and push me in every way possible if I try and forget that.
That brings up a whole other issue too. I've felt so disconnected from her this whole pregnancy and from my body and the last couple of days I've been feeling differently. I notice myself talking to her when we're alone and enjoying feeling her move inside of my belly. I'm scared I'm going to miss these times of it being just her and me. I know what to do to get her going and to get her to quiet down and she knows the same about me. I don't know if I want to lose that bond just yet. Especially since it's so late in the making. I don't want to share her with anyone yet. I hope this is just typical new Mommy stuff that I'm feeling. I guess only time will tell....
Aside from all this new baby news, my life has been pure chaos. We pulled the kids from daycare to save some money while I'm not working full time and I was thinking they were on the same schedules and it would be easy but instead it's crazy! Joli starts at 8:30, then James at 9:30. Jamesy is out at 1:55 and Joli is out at 3:00pm!! What the hell?? Then I've been trying to get the house ready for my Mom to visit and just because it's dirty and needs to be cleaned. That exhausts me way too quickly. Trying to stay up on laundry and wrapping Xmas gifts as they arrive plus working from home when I can. I don't know what I was thinking but I need help and I'm ready to throw in the flag and call it a day by 8am. I'm really hoping having my Mom and sister here plus James' family will help and keep me as stress free as possible. Especially because until Emily gets here, I would like to have SOME time where I'm just relaxing solo and so far that is just not an option....
HOW FAR ALONG: 38 weeks (officially full term and could schedule to be induced as early as next week)
SLEEP: not much but I'm sure tired a lot
FOOD CRAVINGS: Nothing too crazy. Plus, anything I eat makes me feel awful so I don't partake as much as I thought I would at this point.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Emily getting here so I can have my sanity back and stop these panic attacks for a while. Plus, I'm ready to hold and love on my little girl :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Giving up these last few weeks of our alone time together. Giving up being able to do what I want/need as needed to stay on top of things.
Love, Diana :)
So last Monday I had my first "check" appt. The Dr. did an ultrasound and measured the baby. The ultrasound machine estimated the baby's weight at about 7.5 lbs but my Dr. said it can be off up to a 1 lb, either a lb. less or more. He's estimating Emily is closer to 8 lbs because of the size of my stomach. Once he told me her size I was in shock and completely forgot about all the questions I had to ask him that day. All I kept thinking was that she is still going to get bigger and I still have weeks to go before she gets here and if I don't figure something out ASAP I'm going to be birthing a toddler!! I asked the Dr. if I stopped eating if she would stop gaining, but apparently it doesn't work like that. He also checked my cervix to see if it was thinning at all. And it wasn't, which was kind of a bummer. He could feel her head though, she's dropped and in position and ready to go, but my body is not. I would be lying if I said part of me doesn't feel like a failure. I was just so sure I would be ready well before she was and now knowing my stupid cervix is delaying her arrival is a let down to say the least. The good news was that I had lost a pound, which made me happy :)
The rest of last week was spent with me trying to come up with ways to get my cervix ready and get her good and irritated so she'll want to vacate my stomach. I walked A LOT! Tried to eat some things that I thought would upset her but then I thought "what if this stuff actually works and she comes sooner than I'm ready for!?!?" So I stopped trying so hard and waited until I saw my Dr. again yesterday to find out where I'm at before I do anything too crazy. I had heard of drinking castro oil to start contractions and thought that sounded like a great idea! Until I read up on it and found it's used to induce vomiting and most likely will cause diarrhea. Granted, I want Emily to hurry up and get here but I'm not trying to make myself sick in order to do it! Plus, I was starting to get paranoid that she'd get here before my Mom did and I don't want her to miss this because I'm so impatient :) I also stopped working last week. Well, sorta...Tuesday was my last day but I did have to go in Thursday and Friday for a few hours. I was so looking forward to being off but now all I do is stress about it all day. I was tempted to just go back until I give birth but I realize that the shop will be the same with or without me there and I better just get used to that. I've become SUCH a control freak during this pregnancy that I'm surprised I can let anything go at this point.
So anyways, I saw my Dr. again yesterday early afternoon to be "checked" again. My cervix hasn't thinned at all since last week. I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself. I guess I was hoping he would say that it was thinning. I just didn't realize how disappointed I would really be if/when he told me my cervix was the same. I don't know why I'm so down on myself for it but I feel like "what is wrong with me!?". Why can't my body catch up with what's going on here? I'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore. I can't get comfortable for 5 minutes and the indigestion feels like it's literally killing me at this point. How can I be so miserable in this body? The same body that won't give me my baby and some relief!!??
We did discuss inducing. He told me his fool proof plan on how to get the baby out within 24 hours of starting the process and I definitely trust him. I do have a lot of fears though about the birthing process in general. I'm very much not wanting a c-section and I'm scared that might be what happens. I'm scared because I've been having a lot of panic attacks lately that I'll have one in the hospital and won't be able to calm down. All the what if's are just flooding my brain at this point. Again, I know women give birth every day but I honestly feel like I won't be able to do it. I'm so scared of failing at giving birth that I'm just feeling stuck on what I should do. Whether I should just wait and see what happens naturally or if I should schedule a day and be induced. I'm really undecided at this point. I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in the thoughts until I see my Dr. again next Monday but it's hard not too. Especially when Emily is constantly reminding me that she's here and she's huge and is going to kick me and push me in every way possible if I try and forget that.
That brings up a whole other issue too. I've felt so disconnected from her this whole pregnancy and from my body and the last couple of days I've been feeling differently. I notice myself talking to her when we're alone and enjoying feeling her move inside of my belly. I'm scared I'm going to miss these times of it being just her and me. I know what to do to get her going and to get her to quiet down and she knows the same about me. I don't know if I want to lose that bond just yet. Especially since it's so late in the making. I don't want to share her with anyone yet. I hope this is just typical new Mommy stuff that I'm feeling. I guess only time will tell....
Aside from all this new baby news, my life has been pure chaos. We pulled the kids from daycare to save some money while I'm not working full time and I was thinking they were on the same schedules and it would be easy but instead it's crazy! Joli starts at 8:30, then James at 9:30. Jamesy is out at 1:55 and Joli is out at 3:00pm!! What the hell?? Then I've been trying to get the house ready for my Mom to visit and just because it's dirty and needs to be cleaned. That exhausts me way too quickly. Trying to stay up on laundry and wrapping Xmas gifts as they arrive plus working from home when I can. I don't know what I was thinking but I need help and I'm ready to throw in the flag and call it a day by 8am. I'm really hoping having my Mom and sister here plus James' family will help and keep me as stress free as possible. Especially because until Emily gets here, I would like to have SOME time where I'm just relaxing solo and so far that is just not an option....
HOW FAR ALONG: 38 weeks (officially full term and could schedule to be induced as early as next week)
SLEEP: not much but I'm sure tired a lot
FOOD CRAVINGS: Nothing too crazy. Plus, anything I eat makes me feel awful so I don't partake as much as I thought I would at this point.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Emily getting here so I can have my sanity back and stop these panic attacks for a while. Plus, I'm ready to hold and love on my little girl :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Giving up these last few weeks of our alone time together. Giving up being able to do what I want/need as needed to stay on top of things.
Love, Diana :)
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
36 Weeks....Almost full term!
So 37 weeks is considered full term and part of me is really excited to find out where I am and where Emily is at. The other part of me is really scared to find out because that means I'm getting closer to giving birth. Next Monday I go in for my first ultrasound since 20 weeks to measure Emily and check on her and see where she's at. The Dr. will also check my cervix to determine how ready I am to go into labor.
Yesterday at my last 2 week check up, I told my Dr. not to tell me if I'm dilated because I'm too much of a nervous wreck and I won't be able to handle it. But now I regret saying that. As much as I don't want to know, I really want to know! Ugh, what a mess yesterday was too! I have to pee in a cup every appt. and I really really had to pee yesterday so when I got there I knew I'd over fill the cup if I wasn't careful. So I manage to stop myself mid stream to remove the cup and somehow lost control of it and managed to spill pee ALL over my underwear and jeans!!! I had to proceed with the appt. with pee soaked pants. It was uncomfortable to say the least and left me in tears. Immediately following the pee incident, I had to get weighed in. In the last 30 days, I had only gained 1 pd so I wasn't too worried until I saw the numbers.....I gained 8 pds in 2 weeks!!! I know Emily can't weigh 14 pds so obviously it wasn't all her. I started crying again and the nurse tried to convince me that this was okay and I really haven't gained ALL that much weight since getting pregnant but there was no cheering me up at this point. As I sat there in my own urine, thinking about how out of control I am about my weight gain and crying, my Dr. came in. That poor guy....James said he's probably counting down the days until he doesn't have to see me anymore, but I'm hoping I'm not the ONLY pregnant woman to lose it in his office. Anywho, he gave me a hard time about the weight gain which I had anticipated and checked Emily's heartbeat which is slowing down as it should in these next few weeks. He said he can feel her from my ribs all the way down so she's probably really long at this point. I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I couldn't stop crying long enough to get a word out so I guess those questions will have to wait until next week.
I'm actually really nervous for next week just because of Thanksgiving. I mean, I'm not going to be pregnant every year and I've been waiting for this holiday to pig out on all my favorites. I just hope I don't gain another 8 pds in 7 days! But my nurse suggested that maybe I stand away from the scale so I don't see the numbers since it upsets me so much. And at this point I really should just be worried about Emily's health and safety and not how much I weigh. I think I'm just having trouble with it because I feel so out of control with my body. I can't manipulate it to do things I want it to do. Emily's in charge of that now.
At this point, the hardest thing I've been dealing with is the home life. I'm extra grumpy because of the pain and discomfort and I haven't been able to be fun or affectionate for the kids or James. I feel really isolated from them lately and I know it's my fault, I just can't control my emotions at this point. I really just want to sit in bed and cry all day but that's not very productive. And seeing all the things that need to be done around the house is killing me! I want to stay on top of the laundry and keep the kitchen clean, but I'm just too exhausted and overwhelmed to do any of it. That depresses me too. Luckily we have Nana! She's coming over to the house today to do all the scrubbing that I can't do anymore before we're having Turkey Day at our house tomorrow. And I know I have to let these little things go, especially when Emily gets here. I'll be lucky if I have time to take a shower, let alone do dishes or laundry. I hope I'm able to let go of my control issues when she gets here.
The other night while laying in bed, James and I were watching her move. She looked like she was trying to push herself out of my stomach by my belly button. She's gotten really big and it's starting to hurt a little bit when she moves around too much. I can just see her stretching my skin. Then she got the hiccups which was super cute!! Every 2 seconds when she'd hiccup my stomach would bounce up. It was really cute but then I felt bad because she must be just as uncomfortable as I am. She's still spending an awful lot of time near and/or on my bladder. I'm at that stage where I need to stay close to a restroom at all times.
Other than that, nothing too much exciting or new going on. I finally have all of her bedroom stuff to put her room together, now it's just finding the time and energy to actually do it. I'm trying to stay positive through these next few weeks but it's proving to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do thus far in my life. I just can't wait for her to get here finally so I can see what all the fuss is about when becoming a Mom for the first time.
HOW FAR ALONG: 36 weeks (baby is over 18 inches and 6 pds. I think Emily is already at 10 pds!)
SLEEP: Oh how I miss a good nights sleep :(
FOOD CRAVINGS: Lately it's been sweets. I tried to get James to go get me ice cream last night but he's harder to convince than I thought....
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The ultrasound next week. Can't wait to see my little girl!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I don't know anymore....at this point I'm pretty much up for everything that's to come.
Love, Diana :)
Yesterday at my last 2 week check up, I told my Dr. not to tell me if I'm dilated because I'm too much of a nervous wreck and I won't be able to handle it. But now I regret saying that. As much as I don't want to know, I really want to know! Ugh, what a mess yesterday was too! I have to pee in a cup every appt. and I really really had to pee yesterday so when I got there I knew I'd over fill the cup if I wasn't careful. So I manage to stop myself mid stream to remove the cup and somehow lost control of it and managed to spill pee ALL over my underwear and jeans!!! I had to proceed with the appt. with pee soaked pants. It was uncomfortable to say the least and left me in tears. Immediately following the pee incident, I had to get weighed in. In the last 30 days, I had only gained 1 pd so I wasn't too worried until I saw the numbers.....I gained 8 pds in 2 weeks!!! I know Emily can't weigh 14 pds so obviously it wasn't all her. I started crying again and the nurse tried to convince me that this was okay and I really haven't gained ALL that much weight since getting pregnant but there was no cheering me up at this point. As I sat there in my own urine, thinking about how out of control I am about my weight gain and crying, my Dr. came in. That poor guy....James said he's probably counting down the days until he doesn't have to see me anymore, but I'm hoping I'm not the ONLY pregnant woman to lose it in his office. Anywho, he gave me a hard time about the weight gain which I had anticipated and checked Emily's heartbeat which is slowing down as it should in these next few weeks. He said he can feel her from my ribs all the way down so she's probably really long at this point. I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I couldn't stop crying long enough to get a word out so I guess those questions will have to wait until next week.
I'm actually really nervous for next week just because of Thanksgiving. I mean, I'm not going to be pregnant every year and I've been waiting for this holiday to pig out on all my favorites. I just hope I don't gain another 8 pds in 7 days! But my nurse suggested that maybe I stand away from the scale so I don't see the numbers since it upsets me so much. And at this point I really should just be worried about Emily's health and safety and not how much I weigh. I think I'm just having trouble with it because I feel so out of control with my body. I can't manipulate it to do things I want it to do. Emily's in charge of that now.
At this point, the hardest thing I've been dealing with is the home life. I'm extra grumpy because of the pain and discomfort and I haven't been able to be fun or affectionate for the kids or James. I feel really isolated from them lately and I know it's my fault, I just can't control my emotions at this point. I really just want to sit in bed and cry all day but that's not very productive. And seeing all the things that need to be done around the house is killing me! I want to stay on top of the laundry and keep the kitchen clean, but I'm just too exhausted and overwhelmed to do any of it. That depresses me too. Luckily we have Nana! She's coming over to the house today to do all the scrubbing that I can't do anymore before we're having Turkey Day at our house tomorrow. And I know I have to let these little things go, especially when Emily gets here. I'll be lucky if I have time to take a shower, let alone do dishes or laundry. I hope I'm able to let go of my control issues when she gets here.
The other night while laying in bed, James and I were watching her move. She looked like she was trying to push herself out of my stomach by my belly button. She's gotten really big and it's starting to hurt a little bit when she moves around too much. I can just see her stretching my skin. Then she got the hiccups which was super cute!! Every 2 seconds when she'd hiccup my stomach would bounce up. It was really cute but then I felt bad because she must be just as uncomfortable as I am. She's still spending an awful lot of time near and/or on my bladder. I'm at that stage where I need to stay close to a restroom at all times.
Other than that, nothing too much exciting or new going on. I finally have all of her bedroom stuff to put her room together, now it's just finding the time and energy to actually do it. I'm trying to stay positive through these next few weeks but it's proving to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do thus far in my life. I just can't wait for her to get here finally so I can see what all the fuss is about when becoming a Mom for the first time.
HOW FAR ALONG: 36 weeks (baby is over 18 inches and 6 pds. I think Emily is already at 10 pds!)
SLEEP: Oh how I miss a good nights sleep :(
FOOD CRAVINGS: Lately it's been sweets. I tried to get James to go get me ice cream last night but he's harder to convince than I thought....
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The ultrasound next week. Can't wait to see my little girl!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I don't know anymore....at this point I'm pretty much up for everything that's to come.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Week 35.....Stick a fork in me.
Holy exhaustion!! I can't wait to read this to Emily when she's older so I can finally ask her what I did while she was in the womb to make her hate me so much? I know the last month is supposedly the toughest but I guess I'm just getting antsy since it's so close to the end. It's like I've been uncomfortable for so long and emotional for so long that even considering going through it for one more day feels impossible. Impossible and unbearable. I tell James every day that I'm dying but I really mean it. I feel like she's trying to kill me or maybe just push my buttons to see how strong I am. Well, guess what Emily!? Mommy is not strong!!! She's not strong at all and you have broken me down to a point I never thought I could ever reach in my life. I suffered from depression as a teenager and yesterday I remembered those feelings and how awful they were. How it felt to think I was alone, that no one would or could possibly understand why I'm upset all the time. The crying, the thoughts of ending my life, all of it PALES in comparison to how I'm feeling these days. I would give anything to just feel like I did when I was 13, 14. I can handle emotional distress and anxiety. I can't handle it while experiencing such chronic awful indigestion and chest pains, back pains, nose bleeds, headaches. Who in their right mind actually wants to do this to themselves for 9 months?? That Duggar family must be on crack! 20 kids??? Hell no! I'm not saying that Emily won't be amazing because let's face it, she'll be half me so she's bound to be the greatest thing since sliced bread but suffering for this long of a time feels like centuries and I will never ever put myself through it again.
Aside from the pain and sleepless nights, the stress and anxiety is getting to me big time. I feel like there's so much that needs to be done and not enough time. And not knowing exactly when she'll get here is so stressful for me. I need to plan! I need to have an exact day and time so I know where to be, what to have ready and what to get done ahead of time. And again....I have to birth something from my precious hoohoo. I'm freaking out!!! What will it feel like? What if my water doesn't break, how will I know if I'm in labor?? What if the pain is too unbearable and I can't handle it? What if I can't or don't push right and they have to do a c-section because I can't get my shit together?? There is just not enough time in the world to prepare me for giving birth and I know I'll never feel ready. I just wish I didn't feel so scared of it. Sometimes I don't because when I'm in a lot of pain at that moment I could care less if she carved her way out of my stomach with a rusty old butter knife but when the pain subsides for even 5 minutes, I'm panicking over this whole labor thing. But at the same time if I try to read about labor at all I get even more panicky and start imagining the worse and have to stop reading. I'm even panicking right now as I type this.....thank God I'm in therapy!
Last night I finally got to my thank you cards from the baby shower and it literally took me 5 hours to do them! The pain in my chest was so bad that after I'd write 1-2 cards I'd have to stop and lay on my back for at least 5 minutes to relieve the pain before I could write another 1-2 cards. Who knew writing thank you notes would be so exhausting?? I feel super worthless these days. I have to push myself so hard just to do the dishes or a load of laundry. I get tired very easily and am in pain a lot of the time. And apparently at this point she should be running out of room but either she's super tiny or my uterus is huge because she still moves and kicks A LOT! Oh and also according to my e-mails, she's fully grown and developed, now she's just putting on pounds. Uh, you think you could help me out and gain that weight OUT of the womb?? I'm sure it's warm in there and all but you are SUPER uncomfortable. And the kicking on my bladder needs to stop ASAP! I feel like a 80 yr old woman whose lost control of her bladder....
On a happy note though (doesn't seem to be many of those these days!) I'm getting everything together to finally finish up her room. Hopefully I'll have it done by the end of this weekend and I am getting really excited to see and hold her. I know I will love her to pieces and I know I'll be a good Mom, I'm just feeling really restless for her to get here already.
HOW FAR ALONG: 35 weeks (baby is about 18 inches long and should weigh 5 1/2 pds)
SLEEP: I'm up and down all night but I do get a minimum of 3-4 hours a night. Just a lot of wacky dreams...
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'll eat anything. Lots of sweet and salty mixes are at the top of my list these days.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Thanksgiving!!! I'm going to PIG out!!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: 1 when Emily gets here. I hope she sleeps a lot.
Love, Diana :)
Aside from the pain and sleepless nights, the stress and anxiety is getting to me big time. I feel like there's so much that needs to be done and not enough time. And not knowing exactly when she'll get here is so stressful for me. I need to plan! I need to have an exact day and time so I know where to be, what to have ready and what to get done ahead of time. And again....I have to birth something from my precious hoohoo. I'm freaking out!!! What will it feel like? What if my water doesn't break, how will I know if I'm in labor?? What if the pain is too unbearable and I can't handle it? What if I can't or don't push right and they have to do a c-section because I can't get my shit together?? There is just not enough time in the world to prepare me for giving birth and I know I'll never feel ready. I just wish I didn't feel so scared of it. Sometimes I don't because when I'm in a lot of pain at that moment I could care less if she carved her way out of my stomach with a rusty old butter knife but when the pain subsides for even 5 minutes, I'm panicking over this whole labor thing. But at the same time if I try to read about labor at all I get even more panicky and start imagining the worse and have to stop reading. I'm even panicking right now as I type this.....thank God I'm in therapy!
Last night I finally got to my thank you cards from the baby shower and it literally took me 5 hours to do them! The pain in my chest was so bad that after I'd write 1-2 cards I'd have to stop and lay on my back for at least 5 minutes to relieve the pain before I could write another 1-2 cards. Who knew writing thank you notes would be so exhausting?? I feel super worthless these days. I have to push myself so hard just to do the dishes or a load of laundry. I get tired very easily and am in pain a lot of the time. And apparently at this point she should be running out of room but either she's super tiny or my uterus is huge because she still moves and kicks A LOT! Oh and also according to my e-mails, she's fully grown and developed, now she's just putting on pounds. Uh, you think you could help me out and gain that weight OUT of the womb?? I'm sure it's warm in there and all but you are SUPER uncomfortable. And the kicking on my bladder needs to stop ASAP! I feel like a 80 yr old woman whose lost control of her bladder....
On a happy note though (doesn't seem to be many of those these days!) I'm getting everything together to finally finish up her room. Hopefully I'll have it done by the end of this weekend and I am getting really excited to see and hold her. I know I will love her to pieces and I know I'll be a good Mom, I'm just feeling really restless for her to get here already.
HOW FAR ALONG: 35 weeks (baby is about 18 inches long and should weigh 5 1/2 pds)
SLEEP: I'm up and down all night but I do get a minimum of 3-4 hours a night. Just a lot of wacky dreams...
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'll eat anything. Lots of sweet and salty mixes are at the top of my list these days.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Thanksgiving!!! I'm going to PIG out!!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: 1 when Emily gets here. I hope she sleeps a lot.
Love, Diana :)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Baby Shower Overview!!
Well of course I have to blog about the baby shower separately from my weekly blogs :) I just don't even know where to begin! My sister came into town Saturday night and that's when I got to find out the theme of the party was Hello Kitty (my favorite!!) Her and I worked on the party favors while Jamesy and Joli helped. She had a bunch of different little lip glosses and we tied pink bows around them with an E and a heart on the bows for Emily. The kids helped us sort through a few bags of letters to pick out each E and heart. It was a little time consuming but lots of fun and I know they loved being able to help. My poor Momma was stuck vacuuming and cleaning the house while we chit chatted and "worked" on other parts of the shower. But in my defense, I at least steam mopped the dining room and kitchen :)
Sunday morning, Joli and I went to get our nails done down the street. She was so excited and got to wear Hello Kitty clothes to match the shower theme. Poor James had a pregnant cow on the war path who wouldn't even let him eat at the house for fear of making any sort of mess. I kicked him out by 10am and he called me a baby shower-zilla. And I kinda agree with him. I was a little out of hand :) Anywho, when Joli and I got back from being pampered I was greeted with chips and salsa and got to pig out while watching my Mom, sister and best friend Jamie decorate. They also helped me get dressed and Julie did my hair and make up which I loved! My sister got caterers who were there cooking in the kitchen and setting up tables. They were so awesome! They had a menu displayed with lots of good food and a table for drinks (yes, everyone got to booze it up!) Jamie did really awesome center pieces for the tables and there was lots of Hello Kitty balloons. And the cake!!! The cake was amazing! It was huge and had Hello Kitty decorations on it. Plus the caterers brought brownies and mini cookies. Everything was so good and I'm glad I have a bunch of leftovers :)
There were so many gifts and people who came! I couldn't believe it. It was really overwhelming to see so many people. My great Aunt Jean came who I haven't seen in years and one of her daughters, my cousin Kathy with her two daughters Laura and Shelby. I held Shelby as a newborn and she's got to be in her 20's now! And a good family friend Kathleen came and it was just so nice to see old faces I haven't seen in so long. And all my friends and family were there. It was AMAZING! I got lots of homemade blankets and clothes and those meant a lot. I can't even cook toast so I'm in awe of people who can actually knit. Another friend made me a memory box with a homemade scrap book. It was just so unbelievable! Of course I have no room in the house for any of this new stuff but I'm sure I'll figure it all out :)
And I'm really proud of myself because I only cried twice! I thought I'd be balling all day but luckily my hormones were somewhat in check. I think it was because I was too hot to be emotional. haha And 3 of my girlfriends that came to the shower are pregnant too and we're all having girls!! It was nice to swap stories and advice. But I think my favorite part of the whole day was after everyone left and the place was cleared out. My friends Jamie, Marcie and Amber stayed behind for a few hours. My mom heated up some leftover appetizers and chips and salsa and we all sat around and reminisced of our high school days and laughed and ate. My poor Mom had to hear a lot more than I'm sure she wanted to but that's to be expected with us girls! Jamie read me the advice cards that everyone filled out and aside from two cards all the advice was great. It helped remind me how much I really will love being a Mom and how much I have to look forward to with Emily. It also let me know that I will have help if I get too overwhelmed. I'm sure it will be fine and I'll quickly find my niche and routine with the 3 kiddos in the house but I do have some fear about trying to juggle it all and I just want everything to go perfectly. James keeps having to remind me that there's no such thing and it will all work out on it's own. And I know he's right, there's no such thing as perfect and people won't judge me if I have a dirty house or dishes in the sink. That will be a hard thing to overcome but I'm hoping I can put all my craziness aside and just focus on my beautiful family.
The main girl to thank for such a wonderful baby shower is my sister. She planned it and kept calm and kept me calm through the whole process and did it while living a whole state away and while traveling a lot for work. There aren't enough words to thank her. My mom was so helpful too and she kept her calm through the whole weekend and day of. She even cleaned the house last night and it's all back to normal :) My best friend Jamie was awesome too!! I loved her center pieces and the mason jars with candles was beautiful! She kept track of the diaper game. Even after I tried to ruin it by "helping" pass out numbers. hahaha It was such a great experience that I will never ever forget and I just can't even thank everyone enough. There aren't enough words or hugs or tears that can express my gratitude. Emily is so lucky to have such wonderful people in her life already who will love her to pieces and I'm the luckiest Mom in the world to have those same wonderful people in my life too.
Love, Diana :)
Sunday morning, Joli and I went to get our nails done down the street. She was so excited and got to wear Hello Kitty clothes to match the shower theme. Poor James had a pregnant cow on the war path who wouldn't even let him eat at the house for fear of making any sort of mess. I kicked him out by 10am and he called me a baby shower-zilla. And I kinda agree with him. I was a little out of hand :) Anywho, when Joli and I got back from being pampered I was greeted with chips and salsa and got to pig out while watching my Mom, sister and best friend Jamie decorate. They also helped me get dressed and Julie did my hair and make up which I loved! My sister got caterers who were there cooking in the kitchen and setting up tables. They were so awesome! They had a menu displayed with lots of good food and a table for drinks (yes, everyone got to booze it up!) Jamie did really awesome center pieces for the tables and there was lots of Hello Kitty balloons. And the cake!!! The cake was amazing! It was huge and had Hello Kitty decorations on it. Plus the caterers brought brownies and mini cookies. Everything was so good and I'm glad I have a bunch of leftovers :)
There were so many gifts and people who came! I couldn't believe it. It was really overwhelming to see so many people. My great Aunt Jean came who I haven't seen in years and one of her daughters, my cousin Kathy with her two daughters Laura and Shelby. I held Shelby as a newborn and she's got to be in her 20's now! And a good family friend Kathleen came and it was just so nice to see old faces I haven't seen in so long. And all my friends and family were there. It was AMAZING! I got lots of homemade blankets and clothes and those meant a lot. I can't even cook toast so I'm in awe of people who can actually knit. Another friend made me a memory box with a homemade scrap book. It was just so unbelievable! Of course I have no room in the house for any of this new stuff but I'm sure I'll figure it all out :)
And I'm really proud of myself because I only cried twice! I thought I'd be balling all day but luckily my hormones were somewhat in check. I think it was because I was too hot to be emotional. haha And 3 of my girlfriends that came to the shower are pregnant too and we're all having girls!! It was nice to swap stories and advice. But I think my favorite part of the whole day was after everyone left and the place was cleared out. My friends Jamie, Marcie and Amber stayed behind for a few hours. My mom heated up some leftover appetizers and chips and salsa and we all sat around and reminisced of our high school days and laughed and ate. My poor Mom had to hear a lot more than I'm sure she wanted to but that's to be expected with us girls! Jamie read me the advice cards that everyone filled out and aside from two cards all the advice was great. It helped remind me how much I really will love being a Mom and how much I have to look forward to with Emily. It also let me know that I will have help if I get too overwhelmed. I'm sure it will be fine and I'll quickly find my niche and routine with the 3 kiddos in the house but I do have some fear about trying to juggle it all and I just want everything to go perfectly. James keeps having to remind me that there's no such thing and it will all work out on it's own. And I know he's right, there's no such thing as perfect and people won't judge me if I have a dirty house or dishes in the sink. That will be a hard thing to overcome but I'm hoping I can put all my craziness aside and just focus on my beautiful family.
The main girl to thank for such a wonderful baby shower is my sister. She planned it and kept calm and kept me calm through the whole process and did it while living a whole state away and while traveling a lot for work. There aren't enough words to thank her. My mom was so helpful too and she kept her calm through the whole weekend and day of. She even cleaned the house last night and it's all back to normal :) My best friend Jamie was awesome too!! I loved her center pieces and the mason jars with candles was beautiful! She kept track of the diaper game. Even after I tried to ruin it by "helping" pass out numbers. hahaha It was such a great experience that I will never ever forget and I just can't even thank everyone enough. There aren't enough words or hugs or tears that can express my gratitude. Emily is so lucky to have such wonderful people in her life already who will love her to pieces and I'm the luckiest Mom in the world to have those same wonderful people in my life too.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What week is this again?? Oh, 33 weeks.....
Wow, in as little as 6 weeks I could have my daughter in my hands. That feels weird to say, think and write. Daughter. I know I've had some experience with the whole parenting thing with Jamesy and Joli but because of their strong bond with their Mom and my fear of being considered a real Mom, I never let myself feel that way about them. It feels invasive to consider myself a Mother with them because I come from a divorced family and I know how it feels to have "strangers" come into the home and assume certain roles. I would never want the kids to consider me anything they don't feel 100% comfortable with. They still don't even understand what a step-mom is or know that I consider myself one. And that's always been fine with me. But knowing that now I will officially be a Mother and have someone who loves me unconditionally like they love their Mom is such a strange concept. I keep wondering if when I hear the words "mom" for the first time if I'll even turn around and recognize someone is addressing me! And trying to picture what she'll look like is strange too. I wonder if she'll look just like me or just like her Daddy or a combo of both of us. I hope she gets James' nose. And I really hope she doesn't get my chin! I like to call her my little monkey since I think I strongly resembled one as a child.
Being pregnant is hard. People do it every day and I think they're insane. Either that or I really am that weak of a person. Lately every simple task feels like the end of the world. I have zero motivation to do anything. I've been half ass cleaning at home, slacking off at work. I'm just really tired and my mind feels so cloudy I can't concentrate on anything. The other day I noticed something on my tummy that I thought were bruises. I asked James to take a look and sure enough, they're stretch marks!! STRETCH MARKS!! It's the beginning of the end. I can't even imagine what my body will look like after this is over and done with. I picture myself looking like a shriveled up prune swimming in cottage cheese. Hopefully I'll be so in love with her that I won't care what happens to my body and hopefully James will love me regardless of what I look like :) Speaking of James, that poor guy....I feel really bad for any spouse or significant others dealing with pregnant women. Let's face it, we're phsychotic when expecting. No matter what he does, that I ask him to do, it's always wrong and it's never enough. He tells me 100 times a day how much he loves me and I still get upset and tell him I feel unloved and alone. If his thoughts/wants/needs aren't in my best interest 24/7 than he's getting a hyterical Diana. But at the same time, I AM the one who is dealing with all this mess. He'll just get to enjoy his new baby while I'll have spent the last 9 months being tortured by her. Plus, if I get too out of control he can always have a drink or 12 to relax. I can't....you know what!? I change my mind! Screw that guy! Screw all guys!
So, I'm sure this is the case for everyone who gets knocked up, but I'm going to really try and avoid in the future to talk to other expecting moms about my experience. Unless they ask of course. But I'm SO over hearing everyone's stories and advice. I feel rude for feeling that way, but I just don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to know what to expect when I give birth or what to expect afterward. I just want to wing it at this point and deal with everything as it comes at me. The more I know, the more I panic. I do enjoy the looks of sympathy I get though from fellow Mommies when they see I'm pregnant. That silent look tells me more comforting things than any conversation I've had thus far.
My baby shower is this Sunday and I'm SO SO excited!!! I can't wait to see my sister, my Mom came into town last night and it's always nice to have her around and helping out. I can't wait to spend a day with all my friends and family and people I haven't seen in a LONG time! It's going to be such a great time. I just hope I can make it through the day without crying. hahaha It's kind of a daily routine at this point. A slight breeze can make me lose it. But I'm sure it will be awesome and I can't thank my sister enough for putting it all together! And apparently there will be a bar so maybe I can sneak a little glass of something. I was hoping for strippers but apparently that's not baby shower material.
HOW FAR ALONG: 33 Weeks (baby is as big as a pineapple)
SLEEP: I get as much as I can.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm really enjoying Halloween candy. I could not have been preggers at a better time!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower and hopefully some ultrasounds so I can see how big my little nugget is.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Getting any bigger. I'm already in so much pain and discomfort I can't imagine carrying any more weight on me.
Love, Diana :)
Being pregnant is hard. People do it every day and I think they're insane. Either that or I really am that weak of a person. Lately every simple task feels like the end of the world. I have zero motivation to do anything. I've been half ass cleaning at home, slacking off at work. I'm just really tired and my mind feels so cloudy I can't concentrate on anything. The other day I noticed something on my tummy that I thought were bruises. I asked James to take a look and sure enough, they're stretch marks!! STRETCH MARKS!! It's the beginning of the end. I can't even imagine what my body will look like after this is over and done with. I picture myself looking like a shriveled up prune swimming in cottage cheese. Hopefully I'll be so in love with her that I won't care what happens to my body and hopefully James will love me regardless of what I look like :) Speaking of James, that poor guy....I feel really bad for any spouse or significant others dealing with pregnant women. Let's face it, we're phsychotic when expecting. No matter what he does, that I ask him to do, it's always wrong and it's never enough. He tells me 100 times a day how much he loves me and I still get upset and tell him I feel unloved and alone. If his thoughts/wants/needs aren't in my best interest 24/7 than he's getting a hyterical Diana. But at the same time, I AM the one who is dealing with all this mess. He'll just get to enjoy his new baby while I'll have spent the last 9 months being tortured by her. Plus, if I get too out of control he can always have a drink or 12 to relax. I can't....you know what!? I change my mind! Screw that guy! Screw all guys!
So, I'm sure this is the case for everyone who gets knocked up, but I'm going to really try and avoid in the future to talk to other expecting moms about my experience. Unless they ask of course. But I'm SO over hearing everyone's stories and advice. I feel rude for feeling that way, but I just don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to know what to expect when I give birth or what to expect afterward. I just want to wing it at this point and deal with everything as it comes at me. The more I know, the more I panic. I do enjoy the looks of sympathy I get though from fellow Mommies when they see I'm pregnant. That silent look tells me more comforting things than any conversation I've had thus far.
My baby shower is this Sunday and I'm SO SO excited!!! I can't wait to see my sister, my Mom came into town last night and it's always nice to have her around and helping out. I can't wait to spend a day with all my friends and family and people I haven't seen in a LONG time! It's going to be such a great time. I just hope I can make it through the day without crying. hahaha It's kind of a daily routine at this point. A slight breeze can make me lose it. But I'm sure it will be awesome and I can't thank my sister enough for putting it all together! And apparently there will be a bar so maybe I can sneak a little glass of something. I was hoping for strippers but apparently that's not baby shower material.
HOW FAR ALONG: 33 Weeks (baby is as big as a pineapple)
SLEEP: I get as much as I can.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm really enjoying Halloween candy. I could not have been preggers at a better time!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower and hopefully some ultrasounds so I can see how big my little nugget is.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Getting any bigger. I'm already in so much pain and discomfort I can't imagine carrying any more weight on me.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Week 32
At this stage in my pregnancy, every day I wake up is a good day. I've been so miserably uncomfortable and at this point, if death came knocking at my door I would not be shocked. I realize that when Emily gets here I will be so exhausted and stressed out that I will be begging my Dr. to put her back in my belly but without knowing what that experience feels like and only knowing what THIS experience feels like, it's hard to see that. It's really hard to see anything to be perfectly honest. My brain feels like it's on vacation. I can walk, see, hear and speak but I can't comprehend what's going on. I'm not sure why or where I'm walking to, who or what I'm seeing or what or who I'm hearing or speaking to. It's almost like being on a bad acid trip for the last 7 months. My mind is such goo I can't remember what it was like to be sharp and awake. The one bright side I keep holding out for is maternity leave. Yes, it will entail an additional child to care for and feed and bath, clothe, etc., but it will also mean only one thing to focus on. Parenting. Not working full time while half ass parenting before and after work. No traffic killing precious time that I could be cleaning or running errands. Then again, I'll have a life in my hands that is 100% dependent on me. I can't even depend on myself! This poor girl doesn't even know what kind of Mom she picked....
I had a great weekend though. It was exhausting but lots of fun. I think I really needed to get out and see my friends and just be carefree for a few days. I'm definitely paying for it this week but it was worth it. I managed to find a costume that fit over my huge gut for the annual Halloween party my friends have every year. Me and my friend Amber who is due a month after me even managed to stay til midnight! We were very proud of ourselves :) Monday night I attempted to do pumpkins with the kids but my back was killing me SO bad I couldn't stand to lean over the table and scoop out all the insides. The pumpkins definitely didn't end up the way I was hoping but for one year I think I can handle it. Plus, the kids loved them and that's all that matters. Tomorrow is their Halloween parade at school and I'm taking the day off work (WOOHOO!) so I can be there and get them all dressed in their costumes.
James was finally able to go to a Dr.'s appt with me this past Monday and he was a little unnerved when I told him I would be asking my Dr. to induce me ASAP because if I'm pregnant for one more day, I might kill someone. But I asked anyways :) He said that he can actually induce me 2 weeks early (at 39 weeks) and I was SO relieved and happy to hear that! Plus, I didn't even gain one pound over the last two weeks so that was nice to hear too. I promised my Dr. I would be waiting outside his office on the 1st day of my 39th week waiting to be induced but then I got home, talked to Mom and now I'm singing a different tune. I would absolutely hate myself if Emily had any complications tied to me having her early if she's not fully developed or ready to enter the real world. I was 2 weeks late myself and I think she'll come when she's good and ready. I've made it this far, I can't just rush her at this point. Plus, now that I realize how close I'm getting to giving birth, I'm freaking out again. At night the only thing I can think about (besides being extremely uncomfortable laying down) is what my birthing experience will be like. How or when will it happen? Will I be alone? Will I be scared? Will the pain be too much? It's hard not to throw myself into an instant panic attack thinking about it. I know woman have babies every day and I'm no different, but I can't help but be terrified of what's to come. Not knowing what it will be like is the worse part. I feel like I can handle anything as long as I know what to expect and can control it at some level. Being pregnant and giving birth allow for neither of those things! I have lost all control and I have no idea what lies ahead.
HOW FAR ALONG: 32 Weeks (baby is almost 17 inches and over 4 pds)
SLEEP: I should really stop complaining since I'm sure my 3-4 hours a night will dwindle to mabye 1 once Emily gets here.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'll eat anything at this point. Especially when I'm hungry which is all the time!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Seeing the little hands and feet that have been kicking the crap out of me :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: pretty much the whole birthing process.
Love, Diana :)
I had a great weekend though. It was exhausting but lots of fun. I think I really needed to get out and see my friends and just be carefree for a few days. I'm definitely paying for it this week but it was worth it. I managed to find a costume that fit over my huge gut for the annual Halloween party my friends have every year. Me and my friend Amber who is due a month after me even managed to stay til midnight! We were very proud of ourselves :) Monday night I attempted to do pumpkins with the kids but my back was killing me SO bad I couldn't stand to lean over the table and scoop out all the insides. The pumpkins definitely didn't end up the way I was hoping but for one year I think I can handle it. Plus, the kids loved them and that's all that matters. Tomorrow is their Halloween parade at school and I'm taking the day off work (WOOHOO!) so I can be there and get them all dressed in their costumes.
James was finally able to go to a Dr.'s appt with me this past Monday and he was a little unnerved when I told him I would be asking my Dr. to induce me ASAP because if I'm pregnant for one more day, I might kill someone. But I asked anyways :) He said that he can actually induce me 2 weeks early (at 39 weeks) and I was SO relieved and happy to hear that! Plus, I didn't even gain one pound over the last two weeks so that was nice to hear too. I promised my Dr. I would be waiting outside his office on the 1st day of my 39th week waiting to be induced but then I got home, talked to Mom and now I'm singing a different tune. I would absolutely hate myself if Emily had any complications tied to me having her early if she's not fully developed or ready to enter the real world. I was 2 weeks late myself and I think she'll come when she's good and ready. I've made it this far, I can't just rush her at this point. Plus, now that I realize how close I'm getting to giving birth, I'm freaking out again. At night the only thing I can think about (besides being extremely uncomfortable laying down) is what my birthing experience will be like. How or when will it happen? Will I be alone? Will I be scared? Will the pain be too much? It's hard not to throw myself into an instant panic attack thinking about it. I know woman have babies every day and I'm no different, but I can't help but be terrified of what's to come. Not knowing what it will be like is the worse part. I feel like I can handle anything as long as I know what to expect and can control it at some level. Being pregnant and giving birth allow for neither of those things! I have lost all control and I have no idea what lies ahead.
HOW FAR ALONG: 32 Weeks (baby is almost 17 inches and over 4 pds)
SLEEP: I should really stop complaining since I'm sure my 3-4 hours a night will dwindle to mabye 1 once Emily gets here.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'll eat anything at this point. Especially when I'm hungry which is all the time!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Seeing the little hands and feet that have been kicking the crap out of me :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: pretty much the whole birthing process.
Love, Diana :)
Friday, October 21, 2011
Week 31..........HELP!
I'm slowly losing my mind. Like, officially, slowly.going.insane. I see myself either ending up in a straight jacket or committing homicide in the near future. I think if I hear one more person tell me how "beautiful" or "magical" pregnancy is and what a gift it is, I will cut them. I imagine that some people must actually enjoy being pregnant or feel good during their pregnancies and that's why they continue to have kids. But personally, this sucks! It has been a sucky experience and I will not, I repeat NOT be doing this again. Honestly, if the world were about to end and my uterus was the only hope of keeping the human race alive, we'd be screwed as I would refuse to house another child in my body.
This week has been especially rough to put it mildly. My hormones are raging like a crazy woman. I keep having these urges of just screaming and yelling and whipping my hair around wildly until I get someones attention. I've been crying a lot and just feeling depressed. These last 2 months might just kill me. I might actually drop dead from being pregnant. I wonder if that's ever happened before?? I'm thinking that maybe my lack of sleep is what's causing these crazy feelings. There's a pain in my upper left side that never goes away. It gets so bad during the day that I can barely breath. My back "went out" if that's what you call it. I can barely walk or shower. And then there's the night I really thought I was dying. I was up for the last 3 nights in a row with the worse heartburn known to mankind. I had been having nose bleeds all day that day and after I finally dosed off for maybe 30 minutes or so I awoke to the most awful taste in my mouth and throat. It was the taste of pure blood, but a lot of it. And mixed with the acid taste threw me into a panic. I ran to the sink and my nose was bleeding everywhere. I seriously thought for a minute that I was bleeding internally and if I had chose to "spit up" it would have been just blood. So of course my body goes into panic mode and I can't even see straight or hear anything. I just know that I'm dying and am at this point contemplating calling 911. I tried to remain calm and convince myself that it was just the nose bleed that had bled down my throat and after a few minutes, I was able to get my breath back and start to calm down. It took me another 2 hours to fall back asleep after that incident and I'm still pretty shaken up. I know, in hindsight, it was ridiculous but maybe because I was so tired or not feeling good, it just honestly felt like the end of the road for me. I was convinced me and my baby were bleeding to death.
I see the Dr. on Monday and I'm pretty sure I haven't gained anymore crazy weight. Especially because the heartburn is so bad all day long that it makes it hard to eat, let alone enjoy anything I'm eating. James and I switched mattresses from the guest bed to our bed and now that is more comfortable. But my body is finding alternate ways to keep me up all night. The worse part of this week has been work. My Dad went on vacation and so I was pretty much left in charge. I've done it before and didn't think it would be a big deal, but we ended up having a very busy week and me being pregnant and uncomfortable made this week completely unbearable. Between having to climb in big trucks and tiny cars to give customers rides every 5 minutes to jumping up and down from my chair to find out what the guys were doing. It was a real handful and probably not the best idea for how pregnant I am. I will definitely be going on vacation the next time he does and let someone else run this zoo. I'm very easily stressed these days and really should be taking better care of myself, but I also stress about what would happen if I wasn't working as much. I know I'm stressed at work too much these days but if I cut back on my hours and pay that would stress me out too. So I've got to figure out a happy balance, if that even exists before my head literally blows up.
There is some good stuff on the horizon though. This weekend is packed with girls' nights and a Halloween party. I'm hoping getting out and being social for a few days will help me get out of this funk. The kids and I will carve our pumpkins this weekend and maybe I can get myself to work some more on Emily's room. But most likely due to how exhausted I am both physically and mentally, I will probably just lay in bed staring at the ceiling wondering "what the hell just happened".
HOW FAR ALONG: 31 weeks (baby is over 16 inches long and probably weighs close to 4 pds if she's not there already)
SLEEP: Ha!
FOOD CRAVINGS: I usually crave something different every day and as long as I don't indulge in that craving it will disappear within hours.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Falling in love with this child to have some sort of feeling that this was all worth it. Plus, she's moving around so much and sometimes I can feel part of her body sticking out from my stomach so I'm really curious to see what she's all about.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: The next 2 months. I'm going to seriously inquire about inducing early.
Love, Diana
This week has been especially rough to put it mildly. My hormones are raging like a crazy woman. I keep having these urges of just screaming and yelling and whipping my hair around wildly until I get someones attention. I've been crying a lot and just feeling depressed. These last 2 months might just kill me. I might actually drop dead from being pregnant. I wonder if that's ever happened before?? I'm thinking that maybe my lack of sleep is what's causing these crazy feelings. There's a pain in my upper left side that never goes away. It gets so bad during the day that I can barely breath. My back "went out" if that's what you call it. I can barely walk or shower. And then there's the night I really thought I was dying. I was up for the last 3 nights in a row with the worse heartburn known to mankind. I had been having nose bleeds all day that day and after I finally dosed off for maybe 30 minutes or so I awoke to the most awful taste in my mouth and throat. It was the taste of pure blood, but a lot of it. And mixed with the acid taste threw me into a panic. I ran to the sink and my nose was bleeding everywhere. I seriously thought for a minute that I was bleeding internally and if I had chose to "spit up" it would have been just blood. So of course my body goes into panic mode and I can't even see straight or hear anything. I just know that I'm dying and am at this point contemplating calling 911. I tried to remain calm and convince myself that it was just the nose bleed that had bled down my throat and after a few minutes, I was able to get my breath back and start to calm down. It took me another 2 hours to fall back asleep after that incident and I'm still pretty shaken up. I know, in hindsight, it was ridiculous but maybe because I was so tired or not feeling good, it just honestly felt like the end of the road for me. I was convinced me and my baby were bleeding to death.
I see the Dr. on Monday and I'm pretty sure I haven't gained anymore crazy weight. Especially because the heartburn is so bad all day long that it makes it hard to eat, let alone enjoy anything I'm eating. James and I switched mattresses from the guest bed to our bed and now that is more comfortable. But my body is finding alternate ways to keep me up all night. The worse part of this week has been work. My Dad went on vacation and so I was pretty much left in charge. I've done it before and didn't think it would be a big deal, but we ended up having a very busy week and me being pregnant and uncomfortable made this week completely unbearable. Between having to climb in big trucks and tiny cars to give customers rides every 5 minutes to jumping up and down from my chair to find out what the guys were doing. It was a real handful and probably not the best idea for how pregnant I am. I will definitely be going on vacation the next time he does and let someone else run this zoo. I'm very easily stressed these days and really should be taking better care of myself, but I also stress about what would happen if I wasn't working as much. I know I'm stressed at work too much these days but if I cut back on my hours and pay that would stress me out too. So I've got to figure out a happy balance, if that even exists before my head literally blows up.
There is some good stuff on the horizon though. This weekend is packed with girls' nights and a Halloween party. I'm hoping getting out and being social for a few days will help me get out of this funk. The kids and I will carve our pumpkins this weekend and maybe I can get myself to work some more on Emily's room. But most likely due to how exhausted I am both physically and mentally, I will probably just lay in bed staring at the ceiling wondering "what the hell just happened".
HOW FAR ALONG: 31 weeks (baby is over 16 inches long and probably weighs close to 4 pds if she's not there already)
SLEEP: Ha!
FOOD CRAVINGS: I usually crave something different every day and as long as I don't indulge in that craving it will disappear within hours.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Falling in love with this child to have some sort of feeling that this was all worth it. Plus, she's moving around so much and sometimes I can feel part of her body sticking out from my stomach so I'm really curious to see what she's all about.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: The next 2 months. I'm going to seriously inquire about inducing early.
Love, Diana
Thursday, October 13, 2011
30 Weeks
I'm not sure how to describe how I've been feeling lately. I really don't like being pregnant though. It feels like I constantly have to worry about what I'm doing, eating, how I'm sleeping, etc. And I'm just generally uncomfortable all the time. My upper stomach is numb, which apparently my Dr. has never heard before but doesn't seemed too concerned about. I have this horrible pain in my side around my ribs that feels like someone is stabbing me and it lasts for hours and hours. The indigestion feels like it's permanently burned a hole in my throat.
I had an unpleasant check up on Monday. Apparently, I'm gaining too much weight too quickly. My Dr. told me to calm down on the eating :( I was so upset when he said this and when I saw that I've put on 5 pds. in two weeks mostly because I'm so miserable, food is the only thing that keeps me remotely happy and to have to "slow down" on pigging out just reminds me of how much I really don't like any of this. I cried and cried and cried and now I feel guilty for anything I eat that I know is high in calories or not healthy. But the other part of me is like "f it!" I get 2 months left and I want to eat whatever I want to eat! But I'm trying to slow down because I know I'll gorge when Halloween and Thanksgiving get here so I need to save some of my pigging out for those two holidays and hopefully my weight gain will slow down a little....Other than that I'm healthy and the baby is healthy but not having any more ultra sounds is making me a little nervous. I can't see her and I don't know what's going on in there. What does she look like? Is she okay? Does she have enough room? I think the Dr. said he can start doing measurements to guesstimate her weight when I'm at 36 weeks so just a little longer and I'll be able to get prepared to give birth to a 20 pd. baby. The one cool thing about my appt. was that there was a Dad there with his 6 week old baby girl. She was SO cute and just slept in his arms and he was telling me a little bit of what I can expect when Emily gets here. But then she started crying, crying like she was being murdered. Apparently she just needed a diaper change but that cry was enough to make me cry. It just was scary realizing that I'll be responsible for a little person and I'll need to know which cry means what and the situation just overwhelmed me beyond belief. I wasn't expecting myself to react that way.
The baby shower is getting close and I am SO excited!! I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate this little muffin in my bellly. I know my sister has been planning up a storm so I can't wait to see what she's done. And we've gotten all the big items now so I feel a lot less stressed. Granted, her crib is still in pieces in the middle of her room but we'll get to it eventually :) I've gotten her stroller, high chair, car seat and playpen and crib. I'm going to use the playpen as her bassinet in our bedroom since it has a little bed thing that sits at the top and is easy to pack up and move.
I feel bad that I bitch a lot about being pregnant. I guess I'm just not good at sharing my body with someone but having James and the kids around reminds me to be happy and excited about a new little one coming into our lives. Joli kisses and hugs my belly all the time and she drew some really cute pictures for Emily to give to her when she gets here. She also wrote her a note that says she loves Emily and she is the best sister ever! I cried it was so sweet. And the baby totally reacts to her Daddy. Any time he's talking in the room or touches my stomach she goes nuts squirming and kicking. Maybe she's already a Daddy's girl....or maybe she just can't stand how loud he is like her Mommy. haha. Either way it's really cute!
All the typical pregnancy stuff that I was hoping was long gone is back in full force. I always feel like crying and if I don't feel like crying, then I actually am crying. I'm also really irritable. Everything gets on my nerves and I can't seem to calm down or relax for two minutes without something annoying me. I can't get comfortable which is annoying and probably what's causing me to be so irritable since I can't get comfortable for 5 minutes. My therapist keeps telling me to stop with the "what if's" but it's hard not to worry 24/7 about what could happen. What if she's a huge crier and I can't handle it and lose my temper? What if she doesn't like me? What if I don't like her?? What if I get post postpartum? What if there's complications when she's born? I know I can't control the "what if's" even if they were to happen but that doesn't stop me from worrying about them anyways. I keep a picture of me on my 1st birthday on my desk at work and look at it often to try and remind myself that I'll have a mini me soon who I'll love and will look like me (maybe) but all I see is her messy face from stuffing it with chocolate cake and wonder "How can I handle all that mess?" I guess you could say I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 30 weeks (she's probably almost 16 inches long and well over 3 pds)
SLEEP: I know I'm not getting as much as I'd like at this point but I have to realize pretty quickly that I'll soon be getting NO sleep with Emily here.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Food = guilt! That doesn't stop me from eating just makes me feel bad the whole time.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: A break. From work, from life and responsibility. Oh, that's not going to happen??
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: The closer my due date gets, the more I'm starting to worry about labor again. I'm trying to stay positive but I think I'm really just being unrealistic in my expectations.
Love, Diana :)
I had an unpleasant check up on Monday. Apparently, I'm gaining too much weight too quickly. My Dr. told me to calm down on the eating :( I was so upset when he said this and when I saw that I've put on 5 pds. in two weeks mostly because I'm so miserable, food is the only thing that keeps me remotely happy and to have to "slow down" on pigging out just reminds me of how much I really don't like any of this. I cried and cried and cried and now I feel guilty for anything I eat that I know is high in calories or not healthy. But the other part of me is like "f it!" I get 2 months left and I want to eat whatever I want to eat! But I'm trying to slow down because I know I'll gorge when Halloween and Thanksgiving get here so I need to save some of my pigging out for those two holidays and hopefully my weight gain will slow down a little....Other than that I'm healthy and the baby is healthy but not having any more ultra sounds is making me a little nervous. I can't see her and I don't know what's going on in there. What does she look like? Is she okay? Does she have enough room? I think the Dr. said he can start doing measurements to guesstimate her weight when I'm at 36 weeks so just a little longer and I'll be able to get prepared to give birth to a 20 pd. baby. The one cool thing about my appt. was that there was a Dad there with his 6 week old baby girl. She was SO cute and just slept in his arms and he was telling me a little bit of what I can expect when Emily gets here. But then she started crying, crying like she was being murdered. Apparently she just needed a diaper change but that cry was enough to make me cry. It just was scary realizing that I'll be responsible for a little person and I'll need to know which cry means what and the situation just overwhelmed me beyond belief. I wasn't expecting myself to react that way.
The baby shower is getting close and I am SO excited!! I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate this little muffin in my bellly. I know my sister has been planning up a storm so I can't wait to see what she's done. And we've gotten all the big items now so I feel a lot less stressed. Granted, her crib is still in pieces in the middle of her room but we'll get to it eventually :) I've gotten her stroller, high chair, car seat and playpen and crib. I'm going to use the playpen as her bassinet in our bedroom since it has a little bed thing that sits at the top and is easy to pack up and move.
I feel bad that I bitch a lot about being pregnant. I guess I'm just not good at sharing my body with someone but having James and the kids around reminds me to be happy and excited about a new little one coming into our lives. Joli kisses and hugs my belly all the time and she drew some really cute pictures for Emily to give to her when she gets here. She also wrote her a note that says she loves Emily and she is the best sister ever! I cried it was so sweet. And the baby totally reacts to her Daddy. Any time he's talking in the room or touches my stomach she goes nuts squirming and kicking. Maybe she's already a Daddy's girl....or maybe she just can't stand how loud he is like her Mommy. haha. Either way it's really cute!
All the typical pregnancy stuff that I was hoping was long gone is back in full force. I always feel like crying and if I don't feel like crying, then I actually am crying. I'm also really irritable. Everything gets on my nerves and I can't seem to calm down or relax for two minutes without something annoying me. I can't get comfortable which is annoying and probably what's causing me to be so irritable since I can't get comfortable for 5 minutes. My therapist keeps telling me to stop with the "what if's" but it's hard not to worry 24/7 about what could happen. What if she's a huge crier and I can't handle it and lose my temper? What if she doesn't like me? What if I don't like her?? What if I get post postpartum? What if there's complications when she's born? I know I can't control the "what if's" even if they were to happen but that doesn't stop me from worrying about them anyways. I keep a picture of me on my 1st birthday on my desk at work and look at it often to try and remind myself that I'll have a mini me soon who I'll love and will look like me (maybe) but all I see is her messy face from stuffing it with chocolate cake and wonder "How can I handle all that mess?" I guess you could say I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 30 weeks (she's probably almost 16 inches long and well over 3 pds)
SLEEP: I know I'm not getting as much as I'd like at this point but I have to realize pretty quickly that I'll soon be getting NO sleep with Emily here.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Food = guilt! That doesn't stop me from eating just makes me feel bad the whole time.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: A break. From work, from life and responsibility. Oh, that's not going to happen??
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: The closer my due date gets, the more I'm starting to worry about labor again. I'm trying to stay positive but I think I'm really just being unrealistic in my expectations.
Love, Diana :)
Friday, October 7, 2011
Week 29.........Uh I'm having a baby?
I know it's a little late to start freaking out that I'm going to be a Mom, but I'm freaking out!!! All of a sudden I went from "I have 9 months to get ready for this" to "Holy shit, I'm going to have a kid in a matter of weeks". The good news is I'm not freaking out about giving birth as much as I was before. Mostly because my life has become so stressful and busy that I'm looking forward to having some time off to just focus on one thing. Sure, it might be a screaming, hungry, poopy baby that requires every second of my time but it's only one thing I have to worry about instead of 5 million.
I was really hoping that the 3rd trimester would be like the 2nd and I would still feel good most of the time, yada yada. But I'm not feeling good. At all! And I've been super cranky lately. I just can't seem to handle anything remotely irritating. My job is on my last nerve, customers are on my last nerve, I'm just done. I'm uncomfortable all the time and if I'm not suffering from a massive headache, it's the indigestion that kills me or back pain or chest pain. I'm actually really really happy that I have this blog now so that if I ever get the "itch" again I can just read these entries to remind myself of why I will never be pregnant again. If all these things just affected me than maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but my attitude affects everyone around me and that part I don't like so much.
Happy baby stuff......My mom got us a crib and last weekend I decided to put it together. Well since there's no room in Emily's room to put together a big crib, I opted to do it in our empty living room so I'd have tons of space. Bad idea....I managed to get the crib put together with out too many screw ups (thanks to James!) and we go to put it in the bedroom and realize it doesn't fit through the hallway. After some smart thinking on our parts, we figure out a way to make it fit thru the hallways. Crisis averted! Or not....the crib would not fit in the doorway to the bedroom no matter how we moved it. We realized quickly in the middle of the hallway that the crib would have to be taken apart to put in the room and then be put back together. I almost cried I was so irritated and James was mad because he had told me I should put it together in her room and I didn't listen. So after ruining the walls and the crib, we got it apart and it's now sitting in pieces in Emily's room. She's sleeping on the floor....And my Dad got us a bunch of big items off our registry. The play pen and high chair were delivered yesterday and today the stroller is being delivered. We should get the car seat next week. They're all in boxes and need to be put together and after the debacle with the crib I don't even want to see another allen wrench for as long as I live. But I'm still very excited to see it all set up and ready to go and hopefully we can get through building them without as much drama :)
Emily is still kicking a lot and it's getting weird because even when I'm just sitting down or standing up even, I can see my stomach move from her moving. It's kinda creepy but I'm getting used to it. She already loves her Daddy! As soon as he starts talking to her or touches my stomach she wakes right up and kicks and kicks. Joli got to feel her kick once but as soon as I speak up to get someones attention that she's kicking, she stops. So it makes it difficult for me to share with others. Now that I'm getting so big, I worry about keeping her safe. My big belly bumps into everything and I'm paranoid that I'm going to hurt her on accident. I'm also starting to get that whole Mom worry thing. Everyone always says they just want a healthy baby and I honestly hadn't given that any thought until now. But I'm sure I'll have the rest of my life as a Mommy to worry about her.
And now a short request to toilet makers around the world.....STOP MAKING MIDGET TOILETS!!! Being almost 5'10 and having to pee 26 times a day with a basketball in your stomach is already challenging enough. The toilets in my house are seriously made for little people. I can BARELY get on and off them as it is and I can only imagine this getting worse the bigger I get. I might have to start going in our yard like the neighborhood cats.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 29 weeks (baby is getting big, probably at 3 to 3.5 pds and over 15 inches long)
SLEEP: I wish.....
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm hungry all the time but nothing sounds appetizing. Plus the 24/7 indigestion makes it hard to pig out.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Again, mostly time off work at this point. I need a serious break and I'm too easily stressed at this point in the pregnancy.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Putting together any more furniture or baby gear. But I'm crazy and will have them all done by next weekend.
Love, Diana :)
I was really hoping that the 3rd trimester would be like the 2nd and I would still feel good most of the time, yada yada. But I'm not feeling good. At all! And I've been super cranky lately. I just can't seem to handle anything remotely irritating. My job is on my last nerve, customers are on my last nerve, I'm just done. I'm uncomfortable all the time and if I'm not suffering from a massive headache, it's the indigestion that kills me or back pain or chest pain. I'm actually really really happy that I have this blog now so that if I ever get the "itch" again I can just read these entries to remind myself of why I will never be pregnant again. If all these things just affected me than maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but my attitude affects everyone around me and that part I don't like so much.
Happy baby stuff......My mom got us a crib and last weekend I decided to put it together. Well since there's no room in Emily's room to put together a big crib, I opted to do it in our empty living room so I'd have tons of space. Bad idea....I managed to get the crib put together with out too many screw ups (thanks to James!) and we go to put it in the bedroom and realize it doesn't fit through the hallway. After some smart thinking on our parts, we figure out a way to make it fit thru the hallways. Crisis averted! Or not....the crib would not fit in the doorway to the bedroom no matter how we moved it. We realized quickly in the middle of the hallway that the crib would have to be taken apart to put in the room and then be put back together. I almost cried I was so irritated and James was mad because he had told me I should put it together in her room and I didn't listen. So after ruining the walls and the crib, we got it apart and it's now sitting in pieces in Emily's room. She's sleeping on the floor....And my Dad got us a bunch of big items off our registry. The play pen and high chair were delivered yesterday and today the stroller is being delivered. We should get the car seat next week. They're all in boxes and need to be put together and after the debacle with the crib I don't even want to see another allen wrench for as long as I live. But I'm still very excited to see it all set up and ready to go and hopefully we can get through building them without as much drama :)
Emily is still kicking a lot and it's getting weird because even when I'm just sitting down or standing up even, I can see my stomach move from her moving. It's kinda creepy but I'm getting used to it. She already loves her Daddy! As soon as he starts talking to her or touches my stomach she wakes right up and kicks and kicks. Joli got to feel her kick once but as soon as I speak up to get someones attention that she's kicking, she stops. So it makes it difficult for me to share with others. Now that I'm getting so big, I worry about keeping her safe. My big belly bumps into everything and I'm paranoid that I'm going to hurt her on accident. I'm also starting to get that whole Mom worry thing. Everyone always says they just want a healthy baby and I honestly hadn't given that any thought until now. But I'm sure I'll have the rest of my life as a Mommy to worry about her.
And now a short request to toilet makers around the world.....STOP MAKING MIDGET TOILETS!!! Being almost 5'10 and having to pee 26 times a day with a basketball in your stomach is already challenging enough. The toilets in my house are seriously made for little people. I can BARELY get on and off them as it is and I can only imagine this getting worse the bigger I get. I might have to start going in our yard like the neighborhood cats.....
HOW FAR ALONG: 29 weeks (baby is getting big, probably at 3 to 3.5 pds and over 15 inches long)
SLEEP: I wish.....
FOOD CRAVINGS: I'm hungry all the time but nothing sounds appetizing. Plus the 24/7 indigestion makes it hard to pig out.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Again, mostly time off work at this point. I need a serious break and I'm too easily stressed at this point in the pregnancy.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Putting together any more furniture or baby gear. But I'm crazy and will have them all done by next weekend.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Week 27/28.....YAY THIRD TRIMESTER!!!
I can't believe I've made it this far!!! I thought for sure I would have just dropped dead from anxiety or stress by now, but I made it! Now I'm in the final stretch and just so excited to meet Emily and to see what she looks like. Hold her and kiss her and see her personality! AH! I'm so excited!
Well I completely forgot to blog last week but nothing exciting happened anyways. This week however has been a different story. I started off Monday with an appt. to see my OB for my monthly check up. It....was not good. Well, my Dr.'s fine but I'm not happy. I've gained a total of 19 pounds since I got pregnant and am measuring between 29 and 30 weeks when I should just be at 28. He said it's not a big deal at this point and it's okay that I'm putting on some pounds but I'm a wreck! And the worse part is I can't stop eating. I'm hungry all the time and everything sounds good to me. I'm hoping I don't do too much damage these next 2 months, but with the holidays around the corner I'm a little nervous. At the same time, I kinda don't care. hahaha I just want to enjoy what part of this pregnancy I can and with all the ailments I've had, I think I deserve to eat what I want, when I want for the next few months :)
Other than that shock of weight gain news on Monday, I've been having a great week! My Momma is in town visiting and staying with us and what a relief it is to have some help! I feel like I'm exploding with stress, why I don't exactly know, but having my Mom here is such a help. She's been great with the kids and she gets them up and dressed in the mornings and makes them breakfast. She helps with teeth at bedtime and reads them stories before bed. They love having her here and it's so nice to have a break from the day to day grind. I'm going to be so sad when she leaves tomorrow and I know the kids will be bummed that Grandma Sue isn't there to stuff them with goodies and buy them toys. hahaha The night she got here we spent some time organizing Emily's room with all her clothes and shoes and goodies. I can't believe how much stuff I have already! And Grandma Sue ordered the crib so I should be getting that tomorrow or next week and I'm super excited to put it together and get her room going :) It's also a little scary to know that I'll be responsible for this little life and she'll be in this room sooner than I think. I just hope I can juggle it all without any major catastrophes. And if it weren't for James, I would be 20 times more nervous. But knowing he's done this twice already and his kids survived gives me hope that Emily will be okay too :)
The downsides to my pregnancy are still rampant. I'm getting really bad headaches once a week and the indigestion is as bad as ever. I should seriously buy some stock in Zantac. I found out I'm anemic so I've been having to take iron supplements along with my prenatals. And the kicking!!! I know it's good that she's moving so much but I just want a break. She keeps finding my bladder and it's like she knows it's a no no zone and just pounds away at it. Now when I lay down and she moves, my stomach moves like a body of water and you can see it. It's kinda creepy but also neat. It's like she knows when she's kicking and I want someone to see it or feel it because as soon as I start talking she stops. So anytime I try to have my Mom or James or the kids feel it, as soon as I say "hey, check it out she's kicking" she stops and I look like an idiot. Figures....
Last Sunday I declared Pamper Diana Day and I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon of some personal TLC. I got a pedicure, my finger nails painted, my eyebrows waxed and a prenatal massage. It was so nice and relaxing except for the fact that Emily kicked me VIOLENTLY the entire massage which made it a little hard to relax. But it was still a great way to spend my day and I loved every second of it!
HOW FAR ALONG: 28 weeks (baby is about 15 inches long and weighs 2-3 pds.)
SLEEP: Indigestion, hip pain and leg cramps = no sleep
FOOD CRAVINGS: I think I'm leaning more towards salty things than sweet. But I don't discriminate, I'll eat anything :)
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Taking time off work to enjoy my little bundle and take the kids to and from school. I love how the kids kiss and hug my belly. They are so excited to have a little sister!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Gaining any more weight!!! But I'm also not willing to eat less....so, we'll see how that works :)
Love, Diana :)
Well I completely forgot to blog last week but nothing exciting happened anyways. This week however has been a different story. I started off Monday with an appt. to see my OB for my monthly check up. It....was not good. Well, my Dr.'s fine but I'm not happy. I've gained a total of 19 pounds since I got pregnant and am measuring between 29 and 30 weeks when I should just be at 28. He said it's not a big deal at this point and it's okay that I'm putting on some pounds but I'm a wreck! And the worse part is I can't stop eating. I'm hungry all the time and everything sounds good to me. I'm hoping I don't do too much damage these next 2 months, but with the holidays around the corner I'm a little nervous. At the same time, I kinda don't care. hahaha I just want to enjoy what part of this pregnancy I can and with all the ailments I've had, I think I deserve to eat what I want, when I want for the next few months :)
Other than that shock of weight gain news on Monday, I've been having a great week! My Momma is in town visiting and staying with us and what a relief it is to have some help! I feel like I'm exploding with stress, why I don't exactly know, but having my Mom here is such a help. She's been great with the kids and she gets them up and dressed in the mornings and makes them breakfast. She helps with teeth at bedtime and reads them stories before bed. They love having her here and it's so nice to have a break from the day to day grind. I'm going to be so sad when she leaves tomorrow and I know the kids will be bummed that Grandma Sue isn't there to stuff them with goodies and buy them toys. hahaha The night she got here we spent some time organizing Emily's room with all her clothes and shoes and goodies. I can't believe how much stuff I have already! And Grandma Sue ordered the crib so I should be getting that tomorrow or next week and I'm super excited to put it together and get her room going :) It's also a little scary to know that I'll be responsible for this little life and she'll be in this room sooner than I think. I just hope I can juggle it all without any major catastrophes. And if it weren't for James, I would be 20 times more nervous. But knowing he's done this twice already and his kids survived gives me hope that Emily will be okay too :)
The downsides to my pregnancy are still rampant. I'm getting really bad headaches once a week and the indigestion is as bad as ever. I should seriously buy some stock in Zantac. I found out I'm anemic so I've been having to take iron supplements along with my prenatals. And the kicking!!! I know it's good that she's moving so much but I just want a break. She keeps finding my bladder and it's like she knows it's a no no zone and just pounds away at it. Now when I lay down and she moves, my stomach moves like a body of water and you can see it. It's kinda creepy but also neat. It's like she knows when she's kicking and I want someone to see it or feel it because as soon as I start talking she stops. So anytime I try to have my Mom or James or the kids feel it, as soon as I say "hey, check it out she's kicking" she stops and I look like an idiot. Figures....
Last Sunday I declared Pamper Diana Day and I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon of some personal TLC. I got a pedicure, my finger nails painted, my eyebrows waxed and a prenatal massage. It was so nice and relaxing except for the fact that Emily kicked me VIOLENTLY the entire massage which made it a little hard to relax. But it was still a great way to spend my day and I loved every second of it!
HOW FAR ALONG: 28 weeks (baby is about 15 inches long and weighs 2-3 pds.)
SLEEP: Indigestion, hip pain and leg cramps = no sleep
FOOD CRAVINGS: I think I'm leaning more towards salty things than sweet. But I don't discriminate, I'll eat anything :)
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Taking time off work to enjoy my little bundle and take the kids to and from school. I love how the kids kiss and hug my belly. They are so excited to have a little sister!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Gaining any more weight!!! But I'm also not willing to eat less....so, we'll see how that works :)
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Week 26.........Am I done yet?
I'm not quite to my 3rd trimester yet and I'm already getting very antsy. I'm just all around over being pregnant. I know things will get worse when I get bigger and I'll be wishing for these days back, but right now I feel like SHIT! Yep, I said it! I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm sick of this frickin indigestion and these headaches!! See, if I could just enjoy a drink to calm my nerves and stress I'd probably feel fine. But since that's not an option I'm going to have to start hiding sharp objects soon. The good news is Emily must have heard my cries and pleas to stop kicking because she's not as active as she was last week. At least she's giving me a break at bedtime. Oh and I haven't peed myself this week, so that's something positive. But now the indigestion has gotten so awful I can't sleep anyways. Even after overdosing on Zantac, nothing seems to give me enough relief. I even puked from it being so bad!!
I'm back to feeling like crying most days. I really think it's time I have a Diana day and just do something to pamper myself. But when I even think about planning such a day my mind floods with things that need to be done around the house or family visits or stuff we need to do for the kids and then I think "I can't take a day off!" But I'm pretty sure I'm at my breaking point so planning such a day will be much wiser in the long run than continuously straining myself.
Having the kids go back to school was a big fear of mine. They have new schedules and new daycare and now both of them have homework every night but it's actually been a really nice transition so far. We even had picture day today and I managed to iron their clothes and do their hair! Maybe I'm not as bad of a Mom as I thought. But either way, it's nice to have a routine down and everything moving smoothly. I'm SO proud of Joli because her class had a contest to draw a design for t-shirts and she won! She had the best drawing and all the kids shirts will have her picture on them. She loves school and learning. Jamesy is so different. Not in a bad way, but he's a little more forgetful when it comes to school stuff and definitely not into his handwriting or coloring in the lines. It's amazing the difference between boys and girls. I guess you never realize it until you have two little ones. But they are doing so amazing in school and in their daycare. I'm very proud of both of them!
Nothing much exciting has been going on lately. I keep trying to talk people into carrying Emily for me for the rest of the way but apparently that's impossible :( I have a feeling I'll love her a lot more when I can see and hold her vs. not knowing what the hell she's doing in my belly besides making me fat and miserable. The kids love to give her hugs and kisses every day and I can't wait to tell her that when she's old enough. I really hope Jamesy and Joli don't hate her if she's a crier and keeps us all up at night. haha I know that's a horrible thing to think but seriously, if you were 7 or 5 and some whiny ass baby was constantly waking you up every night on a school night, how would you feel? But with any luck she'll be just like her Momma. A perfect baby! And I'm not trying to be irrational but if you ask my parents, apparently I was the perfect child. Never cried, always smiling and happy and loving. I'm not sure what happened but I like to think I was perfect at one time in my life :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 26 weeks (baby is big! and moves a lot!)
SLEEP: boo acid reflux!!! I refuse to believe my best years of sleep are behind me!
FOOD CRAVINGS: Oh please, I need help! I keep eating and eating and when I'm not eating I'm thinking about eating.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Maternity leave :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Not much at this point, I'm just ready to get this party started! Waiting another 3 months sounds horrible.
Love, Diana :)
I'm back to feeling like crying most days. I really think it's time I have a Diana day and just do something to pamper myself. But when I even think about planning such a day my mind floods with things that need to be done around the house or family visits or stuff we need to do for the kids and then I think "I can't take a day off!" But I'm pretty sure I'm at my breaking point so planning such a day will be much wiser in the long run than continuously straining myself.
Having the kids go back to school was a big fear of mine. They have new schedules and new daycare and now both of them have homework every night but it's actually been a really nice transition so far. We even had picture day today and I managed to iron their clothes and do their hair! Maybe I'm not as bad of a Mom as I thought. But either way, it's nice to have a routine down and everything moving smoothly. I'm SO proud of Joli because her class had a contest to draw a design for t-shirts and she won! She had the best drawing and all the kids shirts will have her picture on them. She loves school and learning. Jamesy is so different. Not in a bad way, but he's a little more forgetful when it comes to school stuff and definitely not into his handwriting or coloring in the lines. It's amazing the difference between boys and girls. I guess you never realize it until you have two little ones. But they are doing so amazing in school and in their daycare. I'm very proud of both of them!
Nothing much exciting has been going on lately. I keep trying to talk people into carrying Emily for me for the rest of the way but apparently that's impossible :( I have a feeling I'll love her a lot more when I can see and hold her vs. not knowing what the hell she's doing in my belly besides making me fat and miserable. The kids love to give her hugs and kisses every day and I can't wait to tell her that when she's old enough. I really hope Jamesy and Joli don't hate her if she's a crier and keeps us all up at night. haha I know that's a horrible thing to think but seriously, if you were 7 or 5 and some whiny ass baby was constantly waking you up every night on a school night, how would you feel? But with any luck she'll be just like her Momma. A perfect baby! And I'm not trying to be irrational but if you ask my parents, apparently I was the perfect child. Never cried, always smiling and happy and loving. I'm not sure what happened but I like to think I was perfect at one time in my life :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 26 weeks (baby is big! and moves a lot!)
SLEEP: boo acid reflux!!! I refuse to believe my best years of sleep are behind me!
FOOD CRAVINGS: Oh please, I need help! I keep eating and eating and when I'm not eating I'm thinking about eating.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Maternity leave :)
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Not much at this point, I'm just ready to get this party started! Waiting another 3 months sounds horrible.
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Week 25....getting close!
Apparently I only have 2 more weeks in my 2nd trimester. I'm excited to get this over with but super nervous about what's in store in the last 3 month stretch. All the kicking and indigestion is sure to get worse and I just don't know how I'll be handling it. I was doing so good with being happy all the time and feeling good physically but the past few days have been rough. I'm crying a lot, getting easily frustrated, tossing and turning at night again. The headaches are becoming unbearable and then they're followed by nose bleeds. I look like I have some sort of skin disease. I can't even remember how to spell disease! UGH! It's hard being so frustrated and not being able to do anything about it. The apparent loss of my short term memory is making work very hard. I feel like I can't focus anymore and I'm always scrounging to keep up and playing catch up all day. No wonder my stress levels are through the roof!
Next week should be an adventure. I'm due to take my sugar test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm sure the test will be fine, but you never know. I've heard that if you have it, you have to cut down your daily caloric intake to something crazy like 1500. I was a little piggy before the pregnancy and have turned SUPER piggy the last month or so. I will literally shrivel up and die if I have to function off 1500 calories a day. I pretty much pig out because it's the one time Emily will stop kicking me for 5 minutes. She's non stop these days! It was cute in the beginning but I'm over it now. The other morning I was sleeping in and Bella (my love bug kitty cat) was sleeping with me and resting on my belly. The baby kept kicking and kicking so hard I thought for sure Bella would start attacking. But it didn't seem to bother her, just kept me awake :) It is kinda cool that I can see my stomach move when she kicks but after a while it turns from cute to violent and I just beg that she'll stop for any amount of time and let me catch my breath. The other day (I can't believe I'm going to share this), I was picking up a customer late in the day, in their car, and she started kicking me in the bladder SO HARD that I actually tinkled a little bit. I was so embarrassed and couldn't wait to get home. It wasn't that bad, mostly scary that she can get pee out of me with just one ninja kick. But then a few nights later I sneezed really hard and peed my pants too so then I didn't feel so mad at her for making me pee :)
However, I do have something great to look forward to and that's my baby shower! A date has been picked and I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate my little love muffin with them. My sister and best friend are planning it so I know it will be lots of fun and hopefully there will be lots of food (CHIPS AND SALSA GIRLS!). It's weird, but I'm starting to really miss my family lately. I feel like I want my Mom to take care of me everyday and I want to take care of my sister everyday and they're not close by for me to have that. Maybe that's why, but just some weird emotions lately regarding those two ladies. I miss them terribly and wish they were closer but I'm very excited to spend my baby shower with them and hopefully convince them to move closer to me :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 25 weeks (I don't know what vegetable/fruit she resembles this week and I'm over keeping track. But she's probably 2 pds)
SLEEP: I was having such a nice streak of good sleep and it's gone again :( My hips started hurting and I just can't get comfortable at night. The headaches and kicking don't seem to help much either.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I love food! All food, I won't discriminate. If it's edible, I'll scarf it like it's my last meal.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I'm starting to get a little nervous the closer the due date is approaching. I really really hope she doesn't show up past her due date.
Love, Diana :)
Next week should be an adventure. I'm due to take my sugar test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm sure the test will be fine, but you never know. I've heard that if you have it, you have to cut down your daily caloric intake to something crazy like 1500. I was a little piggy before the pregnancy and have turned SUPER piggy the last month or so. I will literally shrivel up and die if I have to function off 1500 calories a day. I pretty much pig out because it's the one time Emily will stop kicking me for 5 minutes. She's non stop these days! It was cute in the beginning but I'm over it now. The other morning I was sleeping in and Bella (my love bug kitty cat) was sleeping with me and resting on my belly. The baby kept kicking and kicking so hard I thought for sure Bella would start attacking. But it didn't seem to bother her, just kept me awake :) It is kinda cool that I can see my stomach move when she kicks but after a while it turns from cute to violent and I just beg that she'll stop for any amount of time and let me catch my breath. The other day (I can't believe I'm going to share this), I was picking up a customer late in the day, in their car, and she started kicking me in the bladder SO HARD that I actually tinkled a little bit. I was so embarrassed and couldn't wait to get home. It wasn't that bad, mostly scary that she can get pee out of me with just one ninja kick. But then a few nights later I sneezed really hard and peed my pants too so then I didn't feel so mad at her for making me pee :)
However, I do have something great to look forward to and that's my baby shower! A date has been picked and I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate my little love muffin with them. My sister and best friend are planning it so I know it will be lots of fun and hopefully there will be lots of food (CHIPS AND SALSA GIRLS!). It's weird, but I'm starting to really miss my family lately. I feel like I want my Mom to take care of me everyday and I want to take care of my sister everyday and they're not close by for me to have that. Maybe that's why, but just some weird emotions lately regarding those two ladies. I miss them terribly and wish they were closer but I'm very excited to spend my baby shower with them and hopefully convince them to move closer to me :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 25 weeks (I don't know what vegetable/fruit she resembles this week and I'm over keeping track. But she's probably 2 pds)
SLEEP: I was having such a nice streak of good sleep and it's gone again :( My hips started hurting and I just can't get comfortable at night. The headaches and kicking don't seem to help much either.
FOOD CRAVINGS: I love food! All food, I won't discriminate. If it's edible, I'll scarf it like it's my last meal.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: The baby shower!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I'm starting to get a little nervous the closer the due date is approaching. I really really hope she doesn't show up past her due date.
Love, Diana :)
Friday, September 2, 2011
Week 24!
So I only have 3 more weeks in my 2nd trimester and then it's off to the final stretch! Part of me feels like this time has been flying by and the other part of me (the pregnant part) feels like this whole process is taking forever. I'm definitely feeling more and more ready for little Emily to get here. I'm sure as soon as she does I'll be begging the Dr. to put her back in, but right now I'm just ready to get this over with. I really want my body back to myself. It's so weird to feel her kicking and moving around. I wish I could see what she's up to in there. It still feels like a huge bird is stuck in my stomach and flapping its wings furiously to get out! The cool part though, is if I lay on my side or my back I can actually see my stomach move when she kicks (which is ALL THE TIME!). I want people to feel it but it seems as soon as I move or put someone's hand on my stomach she stops.
I have all sorts of pregnancy symptoms. Some bizarre and some expected but so far no swelling which is nice. I keep checking my rings to make sure they don't get too snug but I think I have a couple more months before that whole nightmare starts. At least I hope I do! I keep telling myself I'm not going to read about anymore pregnancy stuff on The Baby Center's website. Everything I read freaks me out and I've decided that I'd rather not know and just be surprised :) But then they send me these e-mails that have really interesting subject lines and I think "yeah, I wanna know what the 20 pregnancy myths are" No, Diana! No you don't! So one of them was "Is it true that my baby will resemble the size I was as a baby?" Well, since I was close to 10 pds when I was born, I was curious to know if this was true or a myth (fingers crossed for myth!!) Um, yeah. Of course it's true!! And they say it takes after the Mom's side too!! And then mothers commented that they had the same experience. So now I'm a little nervous. I don't want to give birth to some 20 pd kid! My parents still joke that I could hold my head up when I was born and people thought someone had left their baby in the hospital for a month as I lay in the incubator twice the size of the other newborns. And then they sent another e-mail titled "What will your body look like right after giving birth" and I think, okay. That can't be that bad to read. Maybe I'll just skip to the part where it tells me how much weight I'll lose in the first few days....WRONG! They spell out all kinds of creepy stuff that's going to happen to my body afterwards! I really need to stop reading up on this stuff. Again, I like surprises! If I don't know what to expect, I won't expect anything :)
Nothing too new is going on, my belly seems to be expanding at a very rapid pace. I'm eating like a little piglet. The kids' mom left for Texas this week so they were finally home, in their own rooms and beds. I was so excited to see them and spend time with them but Joli is taking it really hard (as usual). It's hard to stay positive and not get angry at her Mother when I see how upset her leaving makes Joli. It reminds me of being a child myself. When she's upset, I'm upset. And the worse part is that there's nothing I can do. There's nothing or anyone who can replace that sadness in Joli's heart when her Mom is gone and it's hard because I just want to fix it. Hopefully after a few days she'll be okay, but right now the house feels like a funeral home!
Oh, and I forgot to share in my past blogs about my new found anxiety towards pregnant women. I just don't like them. James and I did the hospital walk through with about 10 other couples. I know I did it early but I'm very nervous and wanted to be prepared and know what the hospital would look like, the rooms, the nursery, how to get there, etc. Well...these other women were ready to pop!! Most of them only had 2-3 weeks left in their pregnancy!! All I could do was look around the room at these women, paranoid that one of them was going to pop a baby out at any second. It got too much and we left early. Then last Saturday I got a much needed pedicure. As soon as I start to relax, a pregnant woman comes in to get a mani/pedi and sits right next to me. I hear her tell the lady that she is 37 weeks!!! That's like, due date week!!! What the hell is she doing out in public??? The rest of the time, I just stared at her wondering if she would give birth right then and there. So I've decided to try and avoid really pregnant women for the time being. They throw me into an instant panic!
HOW FAR ALONG: 24 weeks (the baby weighs about 1.5 lbs and if she's anything like me she's HUGE!)
SLEEP: Getting a little better. I still wake up easily, and it takes me a good 30 seconds to roll over.
FOOD CRAVINGS: FEED ME! I'm just hungry all the time and everything sounds good at this point.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Having a 3 day weekend to spend with my family.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Emily getting much bigger. I wonder how I can convince my Dr. that she should come out once she weighs 6 lbs....
Love, Diana :)
I have all sorts of pregnancy symptoms. Some bizarre and some expected but so far no swelling which is nice. I keep checking my rings to make sure they don't get too snug but I think I have a couple more months before that whole nightmare starts. At least I hope I do! I keep telling myself I'm not going to read about anymore pregnancy stuff on The Baby Center's website. Everything I read freaks me out and I've decided that I'd rather not know and just be surprised :) But then they send me these e-mails that have really interesting subject lines and I think "yeah, I wanna know what the 20 pregnancy myths are" No, Diana! No you don't! So one of them was "Is it true that my baby will resemble the size I was as a baby?" Well, since I was close to 10 pds when I was born, I was curious to know if this was true or a myth (fingers crossed for myth!!) Um, yeah. Of course it's true!! And they say it takes after the Mom's side too!! And then mothers commented that they had the same experience. So now I'm a little nervous. I don't want to give birth to some 20 pd kid! My parents still joke that I could hold my head up when I was born and people thought someone had left their baby in the hospital for a month as I lay in the incubator twice the size of the other newborns. And then they sent another e-mail titled "What will your body look like right after giving birth" and I think, okay. That can't be that bad to read. Maybe I'll just skip to the part where it tells me how much weight I'll lose in the first few days....WRONG! They spell out all kinds of creepy stuff that's going to happen to my body afterwards! I really need to stop reading up on this stuff. Again, I like surprises! If I don't know what to expect, I won't expect anything :)
Nothing too new is going on, my belly seems to be expanding at a very rapid pace. I'm eating like a little piglet. The kids' mom left for Texas this week so they were finally home, in their own rooms and beds. I was so excited to see them and spend time with them but Joli is taking it really hard (as usual). It's hard to stay positive and not get angry at her Mother when I see how upset her leaving makes Joli. It reminds me of being a child myself. When she's upset, I'm upset. And the worse part is that there's nothing I can do. There's nothing or anyone who can replace that sadness in Joli's heart when her Mom is gone and it's hard because I just want to fix it. Hopefully after a few days she'll be okay, but right now the house feels like a funeral home!
Oh, and I forgot to share in my past blogs about my new found anxiety towards pregnant women. I just don't like them. James and I did the hospital walk through with about 10 other couples. I know I did it early but I'm very nervous and wanted to be prepared and know what the hospital would look like, the rooms, the nursery, how to get there, etc. Well...these other women were ready to pop!! Most of them only had 2-3 weeks left in their pregnancy!! All I could do was look around the room at these women, paranoid that one of them was going to pop a baby out at any second. It got too much and we left early. Then last Saturday I got a much needed pedicure. As soon as I start to relax, a pregnant woman comes in to get a mani/pedi and sits right next to me. I hear her tell the lady that she is 37 weeks!!! That's like, due date week!!! What the hell is she doing out in public??? The rest of the time, I just stared at her wondering if she would give birth right then and there. So I've decided to try and avoid really pregnant women for the time being. They throw me into an instant panic!
HOW FAR ALONG: 24 weeks (the baby weighs about 1.5 lbs and if she's anything like me she's HUGE!)
SLEEP: Getting a little better. I still wake up easily, and it takes me a good 30 seconds to roll over.
FOOD CRAVINGS: FEED ME! I'm just hungry all the time and everything sounds good at this point.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Having a 3 day weekend to spend with my family.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Emily getting much bigger. I wonder how I can convince my Dr. that she should come out once she weighs 6 lbs....
Love, Diana :)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Week 23!
Wow, I actually had to go to my last blog post just to remember which week I'm in. I'm starting to get very excited for little Emily to get here already. Pregnancy is finally kinda fun and not as awful as it was the first 3-4 months but it's still exhausting and I've been under a lot of stress lately so a drink or two or nine sounds really good right about now. I have this completely unrealistic vision of laying on a beach with drinks and only adults once this pregnancy is over. But in reality, I'll be covered in puke, poop and pee and exhausted from lack of sleep. It's like I forget that at the end of this 9 months, there will be a baby that will change my entire life for the rest of my life. Dreams of vacationing in Hawaii with James just the two of us will be put on the back burner, probably until we're in our 60's. Sometimes I wonder if this is really the best decision, or if I'll crack under the pressure but I'm starting to see myself as more of a Mommy and less of a partying 20 yr old Diana. I am the most raunchy person I know and have a weird, inappropriate sense of humor but lately I've been feeling a little reserved. Sometimes, actually offended! It's almost like I know I'm going to be someone's Mom so I can't say certain things or laugh at certain jokes. Hopefully this will pass, because as much as my sense of humor isn't for everyone, it's my favorite personality trait and I don't want to lose it!
I'm still feeling really good. Eating a lot, laughing a lot and just generally feeling better. But goodness! This indigestion or heart burn or acid reflux, whatever the hell it's called is going to kill me before I give birth. There is a constant burn in my throat/stomach and just not enough relief. My hips are feeling a little better, which is a nice break but I'm usually up at least once or twice during the night with really bad acid reflux. And then when I fall back asleep from that I wake up 5 minutes later with leg cramps. I wish I could videotape me during a nights sleep just to see how many times I get up out of bed to ease the cramps and then sit up to help the acid reflux and toss and turn to help my hips. It's a miracle James has been sleeping through this. Oh, and the kicking!!! Good LORD! I was thinking since I didn't feel her until a week or so ago that maybe she would be lazy like her Momma and just lay back and chill/sleep all day. Well...girlfriend is moving! I don't know what she's so excited about or why she just can't sit still but she's already got ADD! Which sounds very familiar to James, Joli and Jamesy. The 3 of them couldn't sit still for 5 minutes if someone offered them each a million dollars! But the cool part is at night when I lay on my side, James can feel her kick now. It's so weird that there is a little person inside my belly and it's kicking me! It almost feels like a bird is trapped in my belly and desperately flapping it's wings to get out.
So it's on week 2 of no kiddies and I'm starting to really really miss them. Joli's first day of 2nd grade was yesterday and I'm a little bummed I didn't get to be there to dress her and walk her to class and pack her backpack with her BUT I'm also really happy that her Mom was here to experience that with her. She is so close with her Mom and I know it was important for the both of them so I'm glad they had that day together. Also, my little man Jamesy started Kindergarten. I still remember the very first time I laid eyes on him and he just stared at me like "who is this stranger!" but he warmed up to me so fast and I miss holding him, miss changing his diapers, miss his beautiful baby curls. UH! I could cry just thinking about how much they've grown. But again, I couldn't be happier that they got to share this time with their Mom and I know there will always be next year for me to be there on their first day again :)
This weekend James is going to Washington for a friends wedding so I have the house to myself. Part of me is really excited because I can eat all the chips and salsa I want for 2 whole days with no one to stop me! The other part is a little sad that I'll get lonely. But normally I love to have ME time so I'm going to make the best of it regardless. But I do rely on James to do pretty much everything so it's going to suck to have to get my own glass of water. hahaha jk.
Oh and my Dad keeps telling me to put in here how much he loves and how much I love him. So Dad, I love you too!! And I know you "love your little girl" :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 23 weeks (the baby is the size of....who knows!? She's frickin big!)
SLEEP: I will overdose on Tums this weekend and try to catch up :)
FOOD CRAVINGS: Right now, anything that's edible I want to shove in my mouth! (that doesn't sound right...)
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: CHIPS AND SALSA!!! CHIPS AND SALSA!!! JAMES CAN'T STOP ME!!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Waiting til December for my little love muffin!
Love, Diana :)
I'm still feeling really good. Eating a lot, laughing a lot and just generally feeling better. But goodness! This indigestion or heart burn or acid reflux, whatever the hell it's called is going to kill me before I give birth. There is a constant burn in my throat/stomach and just not enough relief. My hips are feeling a little better, which is a nice break but I'm usually up at least once or twice during the night with really bad acid reflux. And then when I fall back asleep from that I wake up 5 minutes later with leg cramps. I wish I could videotape me during a nights sleep just to see how many times I get up out of bed to ease the cramps and then sit up to help the acid reflux and toss and turn to help my hips. It's a miracle James has been sleeping through this. Oh, and the kicking!!! Good LORD! I was thinking since I didn't feel her until a week or so ago that maybe she would be lazy like her Momma and just lay back and chill/sleep all day. Well...girlfriend is moving! I don't know what she's so excited about or why she just can't sit still but she's already got ADD! Which sounds very familiar to James, Joli and Jamesy. The 3 of them couldn't sit still for 5 minutes if someone offered them each a million dollars! But the cool part is at night when I lay on my side, James can feel her kick now. It's so weird that there is a little person inside my belly and it's kicking me! It almost feels like a bird is trapped in my belly and desperately flapping it's wings to get out.
So it's on week 2 of no kiddies and I'm starting to really really miss them. Joli's first day of 2nd grade was yesterday and I'm a little bummed I didn't get to be there to dress her and walk her to class and pack her backpack with her BUT I'm also really happy that her Mom was here to experience that with her. She is so close with her Mom and I know it was important for the both of them so I'm glad they had that day together. Also, my little man Jamesy started Kindergarten. I still remember the very first time I laid eyes on him and he just stared at me like "who is this stranger!" but he warmed up to me so fast and I miss holding him, miss changing his diapers, miss his beautiful baby curls. UH! I could cry just thinking about how much they've grown. But again, I couldn't be happier that they got to share this time with their Mom and I know there will always be next year for me to be there on their first day again :)
This weekend James is going to Washington for a friends wedding so I have the house to myself. Part of me is really excited because I can eat all the chips and salsa I want for 2 whole days with no one to stop me! The other part is a little sad that I'll get lonely. But normally I love to have ME time so I'm going to make the best of it regardless. But I do rely on James to do pretty much everything so it's going to suck to have to get my own glass of water. hahaha jk.
Oh and my Dad keeps telling me to put in here how much he loves and how much I love him. So Dad, I love you too!! And I know you "love your little girl" :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 23 weeks (the baby is the size of....who knows!? She's frickin big!)
SLEEP: I will overdose on Tums this weekend and try to catch up :)
FOOD CRAVINGS: Right now, anything that's edible I want to shove in my mouth! (that doesn't sound right...)
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: CHIPS AND SALSA!!! CHIPS AND SALSA!!! JAMES CAN'T STOP ME!!!
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Waiting til December for my little love muffin!
Love, Diana :)
Friday, August 19, 2011
Week 22....I almost forgot!
I almost forgot to blog this week! It's been pretty crazy lately. Lots going on with the move and getting the house situated and work has been a lot busier than usual. I feel like I'm in this strange middle ground where I'm over the sickness and initial shock of being pregnant but I'm not quite at that stage where I'm preparing to give birth, have a heavy baby laying on my bladder all day and swollen feet. It almost feels like I know a huge transition is coming but I don't know when or where or how to prevent it. I keep comparing my fear of giving birth to being shot. It's like someone is telling me "hey, in a few months on a day and time you won't be expecting it, someone will shoot you. You'll live but it will be painful and traumatizing" Or like those people in those Final Destination movies. They know death is trying to get them but they don't know when or how. I'm sure having a baby isn't as awful as being shot or chased down by death but it's the closest comparison I can relate to at this time.
The good news is I'm still feeling pretty good. My appetite has kicked in full force and I feel like a pig 24 hours a day. I'm constantly shoveling food in my mouth or thinking about what kind of food I want to shovel in my mouth. I don't have any cravings though, at least not yet. I feel like eating fruit a lot more and of course my usual chips and salsa are always on my mind but nothing that I can actually taste in my mouth or HAVE to have.
This last week has been so nice! The kids' mom is in town for a few weeks so she has them full time which is a nice break. I miss them already and want to hug their little bodies as tight as possible, but I definitely can use the break and I'm enjoying all the time I get to spend with James :) No rush in the mornings to get out the door, no rush to get home and figure out dinner. Aahhhhh reality is going to SUCK next week!
We also got to have a date night with James' parents. Just the four of us. We never get to go out like that so it was nice to be able to have a conversation without kids interrupting us. And today I got to go to lunch with the girls. It was a very nice, much needed break from work. And I'm sorry Jamie, but I have to tell this story! One of Jamie's oldest friends, Mercedes, has an 8 month old boy. He is the cutest little thing in the world and every time I see him I get so excited for little Emily to get here. Anyways, Jamie held her little boy while we ate lunch and he peed on her!!! HE PEED THROUGH HIS DIAPER!!! Is this the kind of stuff I have to look forward too??? It was kinda funny though....I'm sure I wouldn't have thought so if he peed on me but he might as well have. I'll have to get used to that sooner or later! And it's nice to be able to ask her a million questions about being a Mom.
On the mommy-to-be front not too much has changed since last week. My belly button is really hard though and about to start sticking out. That freaks me out a little. My belly is slowly but surely growing and it's hard too. Emily is finally making full on ninja kicks and she's mostly active at night but during the day she can be too. The indigestion is unbearable at this point and I've heard rumors that that could mean the baby is growing more hair. If this is the case, my baby is Chewbacca because I have acid reflux 24/7! I also got a chance last weekend to visit my Grandma at her grave site in Lafayette. I miss her so much, especially lately because I can actually picture here holding my baby and smiling at the both of us. I told her about my little nugget and how I'm naming her after the greatest grandma (and Mother if you ask my Dad) to walk the earth. I promised to be as loving to Emily as she was to my Dad. Just maybe more strict :) I did have a little mini breakdown the other night though. I was watching Ice loves Coco (give me a break, there was nothing else on TV!) and Coco's sister went into labor and they showed her and the birthing stuff. I freaked. My jaw hit the floor and I immediately stomped out to James in the living room, did my cry face and proceeded to refuse to give birth. I told him if the dr's said push, I would hold her in. I will no way do this! It looks so scary and chaotic and I just don't see the "natural, beautiful" thing in popping a baby out of your hoohoo! It's just not right....there has to be another way. My goal is to come up with an alternative way to get a baby out of my belly besides c-section and the age old typical way before Emily gets here. I better hurry up!
HOW FAR ALONG: 22 weeks (baby is the size of a spaghetti squash?)
SLEEP: What sleep? My hips hurt SO bad I'm too uncomfortable to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time
FOOD CRAVINGS: Nothing yet. Maybe when I get bigger I'll start having some cravings.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Holding her in my arms for the first time.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Trying to find an alternative to giving birth...that may be tricky!
Love, Diana :)
The good news is I'm still feeling pretty good. My appetite has kicked in full force and I feel like a pig 24 hours a day. I'm constantly shoveling food in my mouth or thinking about what kind of food I want to shovel in my mouth. I don't have any cravings though, at least not yet. I feel like eating fruit a lot more and of course my usual chips and salsa are always on my mind but nothing that I can actually taste in my mouth or HAVE to have.
This last week has been so nice! The kids' mom is in town for a few weeks so she has them full time which is a nice break. I miss them already and want to hug their little bodies as tight as possible, but I definitely can use the break and I'm enjoying all the time I get to spend with James :) No rush in the mornings to get out the door, no rush to get home and figure out dinner. Aahhhhh reality is going to SUCK next week!
We also got to have a date night with James' parents. Just the four of us. We never get to go out like that so it was nice to be able to have a conversation without kids interrupting us. And today I got to go to lunch with the girls. It was a very nice, much needed break from work. And I'm sorry Jamie, but I have to tell this story! One of Jamie's oldest friends, Mercedes, has an 8 month old boy. He is the cutest little thing in the world and every time I see him I get so excited for little Emily to get here. Anyways, Jamie held her little boy while we ate lunch and he peed on her!!! HE PEED THROUGH HIS DIAPER!!! Is this the kind of stuff I have to look forward too??? It was kinda funny though....I'm sure I wouldn't have thought so if he peed on me but he might as well have. I'll have to get used to that sooner or later! And it's nice to be able to ask her a million questions about being a Mom.
On the mommy-to-be front not too much has changed since last week. My belly button is really hard though and about to start sticking out. That freaks me out a little. My belly is slowly but surely growing and it's hard too. Emily is finally making full on ninja kicks and she's mostly active at night but during the day she can be too. The indigestion is unbearable at this point and I've heard rumors that that could mean the baby is growing more hair. If this is the case, my baby is Chewbacca because I have acid reflux 24/7! I also got a chance last weekend to visit my Grandma at her grave site in Lafayette. I miss her so much, especially lately because I can actually picture here holding my baby and smiling at the both of us. I told her about my little nugget and how I'm naming her after the greatest grandma (and Mother if you ask my Dad) to walk the earth. I promised to be as loving to Emily as she was to my Dad. Just maybe more strict :) I did have a little mini breakdown the other night though. I was watching Ice loves Coco (give me a break, there was nothing else on TV!) and Coco's sister went into labor and they showed her and the birthing stuff. I freaked. My jaw hit the floor and I immediately stomped out to James in the living room, did my cry face and proceeded to refuse to give birth. I told him if the dr's said push, I would hold her in. I will no way do this! It looks so scary and chaotic and I just don't see the "natural, beautiful" thing in popping a baby out of your hoohoo! It's just not right....there has to be another way. My goal is to come up with an alternative way to get a baby out of my belly besides c-section and the age old typical way before Emily gets here. I better hurry up!
HOW FAR ALONG: 22 weeks (baby is the size of a spaghetti squash?)
SLEEP: What sleep? My hips hurt SO bad I'm too uncomfortable to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time
FOOD CRAVINGS: Nothing yet. Maybe when I get bigger I'll start having some cravings.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Holding her in my arms for the first time.
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Trying to find an alternative to giving birth...that may be tricky!
Love, Diana :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Week 21
I wish I had some exciting news to report this week but it's been pretty low key. The baby is now 10 1/2 inches long (or around that) and weighs over 12 oz. which I knew from my ultrasound last week. She's been moving around a lot more lately too. My stomach flutters all morning/early afternoon and then again at night time when I'm resting. It's such a weird feeling and I wish I could feel it from the outside so others could feel too but not yet! I'm starting to feel very...what's the word?...motherly! I'm getting more and more concerned about taking care of little Emily and that's a totally knew and strange feeling for me. But it's also kinda nice :)
We're pretty much fully moved into to our new home. It's so amazing to have a house with lots of space and room for everyone to do their own thing without sitting on top of each other. And it's really exciting to see Emily's room that I'll get to furnish and decorate in the next few months. Joli drew a giant picture for her to hang on the wall. Honestly, it looks like one of those satanic star-in-circle pictures but I would never dream of telling her that so Emily will be sporting 666 paraphernalia on her wall for a while :) The one thing I'm not looking too forward to is baby proofing the house. Luckily for the first few weeks anyways she won't be doing much moving around on her own so I'll have a while to make the house safe but there's just so much I haven't thought about yet and when I even try to think about making a check list or marking something off that check list, I get so overwhelmed. And I think I over did it a little bit during packing and moving because my stomach feels so sore like I pulled a muscle but hopefully that will go away in a few days.
This is probably the best I've felt since I found out I was expecting and it's nice to have my appetite back and feel so happy for a change. The headaches have been less painful and seem to not last as long as usual. Not sure if this is permanent or not, but I'm eating it up while I can! Lots of indigestion though. Every night I'm up and down with burning sensations in my throat and stomach. Also my hips and back are hurting a lot so I'm not sleeping much because I can't seem to get comfortable. I bought a pregnancy pillow and it's HUGE! Half the size of the bed, but it hurts my neck and makes me feel suffocated so maybe when I'm bigger I'll be able to enjoy it more. My belly seems to have doubled in the size. I know it hasn't literally but all of a sudden when I look down, all I see is a huge gut! There's no denying I'm preggers now!
It was very cute, last night when the baby was fluttering around I told James and he came over and started talking to her and she moved around even more. I think she's getting used to his voice and that makes me so happy. The kids love to kiss my belly for the baby and hug her too. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have such a wonderful little family that I love so much and that love me just as much. I'm very excited for the kiddies because their Mom just got back from a tour in Afghanistan and will be here in about a week to spend some time with them. They are SO excited to see their Mommy!!! And I'm just as excited to have some me and Daddy time too :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 21 Weeks (baby is about 10 1/2 inches long!)
SLEEP: I miss sleep so much :( It was my favorite pastime!
FOOD CRAVINGS: Mostly just chips and salsa. I could eat that for breakfast, lunch and dinner!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Alone time with James and finishing the house
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I hear the 3rd trimester can be rough especially close to the due date. I'm a little nervous about how I'll feel then since I'm already so uncomfortable.
Love, Diana :)
We're pretty much fully moved into to our new home. It's so amazing to have a house with lots of space and room for everyone to do their own thing without sitting on top of each other. And it's really exciting to see Emily's room that I'll get to furnish and decorate in the next few months. Joli drew a giant picture for her to hang on the wall. Honestly, it looks like one of those satanic star-in-circle pictures but I would never dream of telling her that so Emily will be sporting 666 paraphernalia on her wall for a while :) The one thing I'm not looking too forward to is baby proofing the house. Luckily for the first few weeks anyways she won't be doing much moving around on her own so I'll have a while to make the house safe but there's just so much I haven't thought about yet and when I even try to think about making a check list or marking something off that check list, I get so overwhelmed. And I think I over did it a little bit during packing and moving because my stomach feels so sore like I pulled a muscle but hopefully that will go away in a few days.
This is probably the best I've felt since I found out I was expecting and it's nice to have my appetite back and feel so happy for a change. The headaches have been less painful and seem to not last as long as usual. Not sure if this is permanent or not, but I'm eating it up while I can! Lots of indigestion though. Every night I'm up and down with burning sensations in my throat and stomach. Also my hips and back are hurting a lot so I'm not sleeping much because I can't seem to get comfortable. I bought a pregnancy pillow and it's HUGE! Half the size of the bed, but it hurts my neck and makes me feel suffocated so maybe when I'm bigger I'll be able to enjoy it more. My belly seems to have doubled in the size. I know it hasn't literally but all of a sudden when I look down, all I see is a huge gut! There's no denying I'm preggers now!
It was very cute, last night when the baby was fluttering around I told James and he came over and started talking to her and she moved around even more. I think she's getting used to his voice and that makes me so happy. The kids love to kiss my belly for the baby and hug her too. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have such a wonderful little family that I love so much and that love me just as much. I'm very excited for the kiddies because their Mom just got back from a tour in Afghanistan and will be here in about a week to spend some time with them. They are SO excited to see their Mommy!!! And I'm just as excited to have some me and Daddy time too :)
HOW FAR ALONG: 21 Weeks (baby is about 10 1/2 inches long!)
SLEEP: I miss sleep so much :( It was my favorite pastime!
FOOD CRAVINGS: Mostly just chips and salsa. I could eat that for breakfast, lunch and dinner!
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Alone time with James and finishing the house
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: I hear the 3rd trimester can be rough especially close to the due date. I'm a little nervous about how I'll feel then since I'm already so uncomfortable.
Love, Diana :)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
20 Weeks.....HALF WAY THERE!!
YAY! I've made it halfway through this pregnancy and am feeling SO SO much better!! Now that the nausea has subsided and I have my appetite back, I'm finding a few new symptoms I wasn't expecting. Aside from the bad headaches I'm still suffering from a few times a week and the new nose bleed sessions, I noticed I broke out in a red rash-type thing over the weekend. It passed after several minutes but now I have little red spots all over. Apparently it's normal and to be honest, at this point, it wouldn't surprise me if I started growing fins or a second head.
I'm feeling very excited about our little girl arriving. I can't wait to just have her here and have my body back to myself and start focusing on her little body growing. Anyone who knows me, can vouch that I can be a little neurotic. And now that the sickness is over with, the neuroses has kicked in full force. I'm constantly finding myself with questions that need immediate answers. Like, how will I know what type of bottles to use? Or formula in case this whole breastfeeding thing doesn't work out? How long do you swaddle a baby for?? And since I'm a little crazy, I've already looked into and started booking classes. Next week, James and I will visit the hospital I plan to give birth in (San Ramon Valley Regional) and do a tour to see where I will be admitted at, what the rooms look like and the nursery, etc. Apparently, most parents don't do this until later in the pregnancy but I must know NOW what I'm in for and where to go and what to do! I'm also looking at scheduling breastfeeding classes as soon as next month but maybe I'll hold off so I don't come off as too unstable a person....
This last weekend was busy with James and I packing up the condo getting ready for our big move into our new house this coming weekend. I also get neurotic about moving so of course we had to have EVERYTHING packed by Sunday night even though we're not moving until Saturday morning. Luckily, James is a little crazy when it comes to moving too so he's on the same page as me :) I saw my OB yesterday who said not to lift anything heavy so now we're down a person to help move. No biggie (at least for me!) but it does add to the stress a little bit. I'm sure everything will work out though :)
I had a great weekend. My mom came to visit from Utah. I took her to see the new place last Thursday night. Well....we don't have the keys yet so I just took her around the backyard and we peeked into all the windows. Then Saturday she came over and brought me all my favorite snack foods. Chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, fruit and my favorite!!! A Katrina Roselle cake. YUMMY! Then she took the kids for a few hours while James and I packed up the place. They love hanging out with Grandma Sue!! You never know where they'll end up or what they'll come home with. Luckily this time it was just candy and some clams? that the kids found in yucky duck pond water. And Sunday night she came over and we took her to Casa Orozco.
Monday was my favorite day again!! My Mom got to come with me for my 20 week ultrasound and my OB check up. The 20 week ultrasound was kinda boring because apparently it's my last ultrasound so they had to check all her body parts and functions. They took pictures of her heart, her kidneys, her brain, her legs, arms, fingers and toes. Of course, she was very uncooperative as usual, so I had to get up, use the restroom, do some stretches and start over. My poor Mom was mostly freaked out by the tech pushing on my belly to try and get the baby to move. I'm used to it and was convinced it doesn't hurt the baby but my Mom was NOT liking that at all!! I thought at one point she was going to attack the technician and threaten to shake him like he was shaking my belly. Then she got to go to my regular OB check up with me and see my neurotic behaivor first hand as I questioned my dr. up a storm! Since I'm due around Christmas time, I need to know his holiday schedule! Is he planning on being on call for me? Apparently not... Will he be working during the holidays in case she comes then? Nope. So unless I'm really late or early, I might be delivering with a different OB. I have a feeling that when I'm in labor I will care less if my OB or a birthday clown will be delivering my child. I asked him how accurate due dates are and he said "not really" That's not very reassuring for a crazy planner like me. If I wasn't so against getting a c-section, I would be picking a day to give birth. Hopefully my little love muffin will want to be on time or early just like her Momma :)
Here's some pics of what she looks like now.....
My Mom also bought a few baby items which are TOO CUTE!!
HOW FAR ALONG: 20 Weeks (baby weighs 12oz and is the size of a banana)
SLEEP: Not sleeping very well. Starting to get uncomfortable and move around a lot.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Nothing yet. Maybe I won't have cravings??
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Setting up the baby room
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Breasfeeding. I almost feel like giving birth will pale in comparison to having my nipples ruined.
Love, Diana :)
I'm feeling very excited about our little girl arriving. I can't wait to just have her here and have my body back to myself and start focusing on her little body growing. Anyone who knows me, can vouch that I can be a little neurotic. And now that the sickness is over with, the neuroses has kicked in full force. I'm constantly finding myself with questions that need immediate answers. Like, how will I know what type of bottles to use? Or formula in case this whole breastfeeding thing doesn't work out? How long do you swaddle a baby for?? And since I'm a little crazy, I've already looked into and started booking classes. Next week, James and I will visit the hospital I plan to give birth in (San Ramon Valley Regional) and do a tour to see where I will be admitted at, what the rooms look like and the nursery, etc. Apparently, most parents don't do this until later in the pregnancy but I must know NOW what I'm in for and where to go and what to do! I'm also looking at scheduling breastfeeding classes as soon as next month but maybe I'll hold off so I don't come off as too unstable a person....
This last weekend was busy with James and I packing up the condo getting ready for our big move into our new house this coming weekend. I also get neurotic about moving so of course we had to have EVERYTHING packed by Sunday night even though we're not moving until Saturday morning. Luckily, James is a little crazy when it comes to moving too so he's on the same page as me :) I saw my OB yesterday who said not to lift anything heavy so now we're down a person to help move. No biggie (at least for me!) but it does add to the stress a little bit. I'm sure everything will work out though :)
I had a great weekend. My mom came to visit from Utah. I took her to see the new place last Thursday night. Well....we don't have the keys yet so I just took her around the backyard and we peeked into all the windows. Then Saturday she came over and brought me all my favorite snack foods. Chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, fruit and my favorite!!! A Katrina Roselle cake. YUMMY! Then she took the kids for a few hours while James and I packed up the place. They love hanging out with Grandma Sue!! You never know where they'll end up or what they'll come home with. Luckily this time it was just candy and some clams? that the kids found in yucky duck pond water. And Sunday night she came over and we took her to Casa Orozco.
Monday was my favorite day again!! My Mom got to come with me for my 20 week ultrasound and my OB check up. The 20 week ultrasound was kinda boring because apparently it's my last ultrasound so they had to check all her body parts and functions. They took pictures of her heart, her kidneys, her brain, her legs, arms, fingers and toes. Of course, she was very uncooperative as usual, so I had to get up, use the restroom, do some stretches and start over. My poor Mom was mostly freaked out by the tech pushing on my belly to try and get the baby to move. I'm used to it and was convinced it doesn't hurt the baby but my Mom was NOT liking that at all!! I thought at one point she was going to attack the technician and threaten to shake him like he was shaking my belly. Then she got to go to my regular OB check up with me and see my neurotic behaivor first hand as I questioned my dr. up a storm! Since I'm due around Christmas time, I need to know his holiday schedule! Is he planning on being on call for me? Apparently not... Will he be working during the holidays in case she comes then? Nope. So unless I'm really late or early, I might be delivering with a different OB. I have a feeling that when I'm in labor I will care less if my OB or a birthday clown will be delivering my child. I asked him how accurate due dates are and he said "not really" That's not very reassuring for a crazy planner like me. If I wasn't so against getting a c-section, I would be picking a day to give birth. Hopefully my little love muffin will want to be on time or early just like her Momma :)
Here's some pics of what she looks like now.....
My Mom also bought a few baby items which are TOO CUTE!!
HOW FAR ALONG: 20 Weeks (baby weighs 12oz and is the size of a banana)
SLEEP: Not sleeping very well. Starting to get uncomfortable and move around a lot.
FOOD CRAVINGS: Nothing yet. Maybe I won't have cravings??
WHAT I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Setting up the baby room
WHAT I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO: Breasfeeding. I almost feel like giving birth will pale in comparison to having my nipples ruined.
Love, Diana :)
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